Vixen
by Just Another Angry Feminist
Summary: Thea Hathaway wants to shag Sirius Black, that's it. Then she meets his rambunctious friends and starts to bond with a certain shy werewolf on a level she's never connected with anyone on. She's also a metamorphmagus who can change into a fox with a little guidance from her father, but that's a secret from the Ministry. And Remus knows ALL ABOUT secrets.
1. Chapter 1

**I've recently read a TON of stories involving the Marauders and decided to try my hand at writing one.**

 **I own Thea, Lacey, and the plot -nothing else. Everything familiar belongs to J.K. Rowling.**

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My name is Thea Hathaway and I'm a metamorphmagus. Usually that meant we could change our facial features, hair color, and body type, but mine was different. My father was an Animagus and my mum was also a metamorphmagus so I was a mix of both. Animagi couldn't pass the gene to their children, but they could help them learn themselves. I wasn't actually one, but he helped me use his transformation skills and mum's ability to change my appearance so I could change into an animal, too. It was complicated to explain, but it basically meant I could change into an animal without the use of magic. I just had to concentrate and it happened.

The Ministry had no idea I was changing into an animal, I didn't really think it was their business. I wasn't technically breaking any laws; I was just learning how to control my metamorphmagus abilities. Even with that being said I knew I had to keep it a secret or my dad would get in trouble. He worked for the Ministry and having a daughter who turned into a fox could get him a lot of trouble, retired Auror or not.

Hogwarts was as much my home as the house my parents lived in. I grew up in both places and truly love them both. I was an adventurous Ravenclaw, something that barely existed apparently. My best friend Lacey was also adventurous and a Ravenclaw, we were the first in a long time. Our House preferred to read and learn from the safety of the library than to explore places and learn. Dad always told me Ravenclaws were curious by nature, but the girls in my dormitory had apparently never heard that because they thought Lacey and I were mad when we broke curfew to explore the castle.

Our favorite thing to do was explore the grounds at night. I shifted into a fox, my learned behavior from my father, and she'd use the disillusionment charm we'd perfected as we ran through the grass together. The only people who knew about our late night escapades were my father and her big sister, a Hufflepuff prefect who covered for us if we were ever caught. It was nice to have connections sometimes.

We were on one of our late night adventures a couple weeks into the term when something made the hair on the back of my neck stick straight up. I halted in front of Lacey's legs, making her almost stumble over me in her giddiness. There was something off about the air tonight; it smelled almost dangerous, like the threat of a predator about to pounce.

"Vix, what's wrong?" Lacey barely breathed, knowing I wouldn't have stopped without a good reason. "Your fur's standing on end."

I turned my head up and smelled the air, trying to pinpoint where the smell was coming from. The Whomping Willow was a couple meters to my left and the scent seemed to be coming from there. I nipped at Lacey's ankle until I figured she was looking at me and pointed to the tree with my snout, knowing she understood. We'd perfected this system long ago.

"The Willow, we'll stay away from it," she replied, making moves to turn and go back the way we'd come but without me trailing behind her. "Vixy, come on. We don't need to barge into trouble, use that 'claw brain you've got. Aren't foxes supposed to be smart?"

I huffed, but it sounded more like a hiss and Lacey laughed under her breath. Just because of that, I made my way over to the tree with her no doubt trailing behind me. I could slide under the swinging branches just fine, but I knew Lacey would get knocked around pretty badly. No matter how much I wanted to venture under and find the source of the smell, I couldn't go without her. There might have been more than one predator causing the smell and her dull human senses wouldn't know until it was right on top of her.

I turned around again and ran toward the other side of the castle with her chasing after me. I'd figure out the smell another day, for all I knew it could've been coming from the Forbidden Forest. Merlin knows there were tons and tons of predators in the depths of that place. A rumor started floating around my third year there was even a werewolf inside, but Dumbledore dispelled that almost immediately… that didn't stop if from freaking everyone out though. Werewolves were perfectly fine in their human form and not a threat, but the second the full moon hung high in the sky, they killed everything in sight with no remorse until they shifted back to human.

By the time the two of us tired ourselves out, it was almost dawn. We snuck back into the castle and I turned back human, changing into the clothes I'd stashed earlier. There weren't classes today, but the two of us were too hyped to go to sleep so we headed to the Great Hall. It was a little after seven and the food was out along with a couple students scattered around the room.

I reached up and pulled a couple leaves out of Lacey's hair, making her laugh. We sat at the end of the Ravenclaw table and started filling our plates. Adventuring really worked up an appetite; we'd learned that over the years. I also figured we'd go nap after we ate and then head up to the library to work on homework. It was our system; we'd never strayed from it since our second year when we'd first started sneaking out -sans disillusionment charm. We got caught a lot less now than we used to because dad just happened to leave the instructions for the charm on his desk over the summer between third and fourth year and I'd stashed it in my trunk to show Lacey.

Lacey was regaling her recent midnight tryst with a seventh year Gryffindor when movement at the entrance to the Great Hall caught my eye. Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin were stalking in together. Sirius and Peter were snickering over something as James threw his arm over Remus' shoulder, apparently telling him a story that was pretty intense by the look of things.

"It shouldn't be fair to be that attractive," I sighed, sitting my chin on my palm as I watched the group sit down and load their plates. "Merlin, I wouldn't mind being that marmalade if he'd handle me that way."

"I'm sure he'd shag your brains out if you told him you wanted it," Lacey told me without glancing behind her. "You're fit and that's exactly Sirius' type -breathing and female."

I didn't have genuine feelings for him, I didn't know him, but that didn't stop me from lusting after him along with over half the school. Lacey didn't like any of the Marauders; she thought they were arrogant assholes. Honestly, I kind of agreed, but I still wanted to bang Sirius in the worst way.

"You know that's not true. Apparently, I'm not fit enough for him," I sighed, poking at my sausage bitterly.

Last year I'd tried to flirt my way into his scarlet and gold four-poster to no avail. I'd even worn my pushup bra that made my boobs look perfect, but he didn't even blink. He helped me with the transfigurations' assignment I'd already finished but faked needing help revising before leaving me to work it through on my own. To say my confidence was shaken was an understatement, I didn't reach his standards and it was like a punch to the gut.

"Maybe he doesn't hookup with virgins," I queried, sipping my juice.

"In that bra, I don't think anyone thought you were a virgin, Vixy," she teased, eating a piece of toast.

She started calling me Vixen when we were twelve and she figured out it meant female fox. As we got older, we realized the double meaning behind the word, but it was too late to change it now. It was honestly kind of fitting, I was a bit of a flirt sometimes…most of the time.

The thing is I was a virgin when I was flirting with Sirius last year. I didn't lose it until this past summer with Gideon Prewett, who I hooked up with on and off for the entire break. Then I ended things, much to his disappointment because I think he might have been developing feelings for me… but I couldn't have been sure. He'd left Hogwarts already and I didn't fancy stringing him along while I was away.

"The real question is should I try again?" I asked, eating a couple of the grapes off my plate as I watched the four of them roughhousing a little at the Gryffindor table. "I'm not a virgin anymore and I got pretty in shape over the summer."

"I hardly think anything's changed that drastically, T," she sighed, looking me in the eye. "You're more confident, sure, and less virginal but does that matter?"

I shrugged and said, "I guess we're going to find out, aren't we?"

Before she could ask what I meant by that, I stood up and flipped my hair over my shoulder. Then I strutted over to the Gryffindor table and sat in the seat across from Sirius. Remus seemed surprised I was there, dropping porridge all down the front of his jumper. I pulled my wand out of my boot and said 'scourgify' before turning my attention back to Sirius.

"It looks like the two of you got in tiptop shape for Quidditch this year," I said, eyeing him and James as I crossed my legs under the table.

If they were put off by my sudden appearance, they didn't show it. James immediately started talking about how the team was looking awesome this year and they were a shoe-in for the Cup. Sirius was just smirking at me over his goblet, knowing exactly what I was playing at. I returned the smirk, biting the corner of my lip as I lowered my lashes seductively.

"That sounds brilliant, James. I look forward to seeing Ravenclaw kick your ass," I smiled, pushing up from the table and winking at Sirius. "Have a good day, boys."

I flipped my curls over my shoulder again before strutting to the door. I know my bum looked fantastic in my skirt and knee high boots and that Sirius was watching me walk away. It got rounder over summer; I'd started doing squats on the regular and saw the results. Lacey tried it too and gave up about two weeks in when she didn't see any progress. Even though she didn't believe me, I didn't change my bum with my mind. I actually worked for it, and it felt really good to know there was progress other people could see.

Lacey joined me at the door, squealing once we were away from the Great Hall. "Oh my god! You had all of them watching you leave, Vixy! Especially Sirius, he slapped the back of James' head when he said something. I'm assuming it was about your ass because his face went apologetic almost immediately."

"Wonderful, stage one is complete," I replied, linking arms with her and heading up to our Common Room. "Stage two is up to him, but something tells me I won't be waiting long."

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 **Thanks for reading! Leave me a review and tell me what you think, I'd really appreciate it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is eventually going to be a Remus/OC story, but it's going to have Sirius/OC in the beginning to get the ball rolling. Remus is stubborn and too self-depricative to allow himself to be in a relationship and Sirius knows just how to make him jealous enough to make a move.**

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Stage two was completely up to Sirius. I'd flirted with Sirius while I talked to his friends, trying to play it cool. I wanted Sirius to be sure I was interested in him with no question, but I also didn't want to come off as desperate.

Lacey and I were in the corner we claimed as our own in the library. I was working on my DADA homework while she did her star chart for astronomy. I was writing about the new werewolf restriction laws the Ministry was supposed to be voting on in incoming weeks. They were incredibly unjust and prejudice, as if the human side of the werewolf were responsible for its actions. They were two completely different entities entirely, but the stuffy old farts at the Ministry didn't seem to care about that.

"You're glaring at your parchment again, Vix," Lacey observed from across the table from me where she was sucking on a sugar quill instead of working.

"Listen to this rubbish, 'As they are inferior to wizards and a threat to magical kind, the monstrosities should be slaughtered. They have slaughtered us for years, never mind that they're only beasts one time a month. A beast is always a beast, just a good liar.' Who's that twisted?" I asked, anger bubbling in my stomach as I continued to read the propaganda used to support the new laws. "It's like they've never read a book about real werewolves, only seen the shit muggle movies. They're not in their heads when they're turned, it's all animal instinct. When they're human, they're wracked with guilt no one can understand. Yet they're being punished even more for just existing. It's almost like the problems with blood status. They're two alike spades if I've ever see one."

"I hardly think the two things compare, Thea," Lacey sighed, looking at me fully instead of her blank chart. "It's not like we can help who are parents are. We don't get to choose if we're magical or not like you got to choose if you… you know."

I looked at her in disbelief. Never in my life had I felt so disconnected with Lacey Chapman, we'd been best friends since the first day on the train when she got on with blue and pink bubblegum hair. I'd showed her that I could make my hair do the same thing and we'd never spent a second apart since, we even spent our summers together. Yet, in this moment, I felt miles and miles away from her.

"Being a metamorphmagus is not the same thing as being a werewolf," I replied, gathering my things slowly. "I also missed the part where I chose to be what I am or werewolves chose to be bitten."

"T, don't be like that," she huffed, trying to stop me from leaving. "Dorothea, I'm sorry. Please don't go, I didn't think before I spoke."

I stopped moving and tried to calm myself down. She didn't understand what was bothering me and I really didn't want to explain it. I felt guilty that my abnormality wasn't punishable by torture or being ostracized by society. Mine was a cute little party trick, making my nose into a duck bill or into a pig snout was funny and entertaining. Being an Animagus was a choice people made, they got to choose to become an animal and it was fine. I understood there was a difference, Animagi kept their human minds when they changed but still. That was privilege if I've ever seen it.

"Thank you," she sighed when I sat back down. "You're always so over dramatic."

I loved her like a sister, but sometimes I needed space. This was one of those times. I finished packing my things and left her alone, whining, in the corner. I needed to finish this essay and knew I couldn't do it with her. I was pissed and being in her presence would only make it worse. Unfortunately, most of the seats had been taken by first years that were experiencing their first exams and freaking out over the amount of things they thought they needed to know.

I was about to give up and head back to the Common Room when I saw Remus Lupin stashed away from everyone at a table by himself. With my bag hitched up on my shoulder, I made my way over to him and knocked on the tabletop to get his attention. I must've startled him because he jumped and his quill left a big ink smudge across his parchment.

"Godric, I'm sorry!" I said quickly, pulling out my wand and saying, "Scourgify!"

The ink, thankfully, siphoned off the paper and left his notes clean as before. "You're pretty good with that spell. Well, that or I'm particularly clumsy."

"I tend to have that effect on men," I teased, making his cheeks flush and him look away from me. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

"Of course," he replied, moving things so I could sit in the seat across from him. "Didn't I see you studying with Lacey already? Not that I watch you or anything that would be weird. I just passed by and happened to see the two of you sitting together… in the corner… where there is no entrance for me to have come in through."

I'd never seen him flustered before, he was always a bit quiet compared to his mates, but never this nervous. Without thinking, I reached forward and placed my hand over his to stop his nervous picking. There were already enough scars on his hands; he didn't need to add anymore.

"It's fine," I promised. "Don't worry about being weird; we're all a little weird. We are at a school for witches and wizards, after all. I don't think we're supposed to be normal, I don't even think 'normal' is a real word anyway."

My words seemed to comfort him as I watched his shoulders slowly lose their tension. Once I was sure he wasn't going to maim himself, I moved my hand and started unpacking my things. After I had everything set up, I went back to finding information in the text for my essay.

The two of us worked in a comfortable silence, the scratch of quills soothing. Doing homework was a lot easier with him than with Lacey. I wasn't distracted by gossiping and talking about what to wear to upcoming Hogsmeade trips. The two of us would make up by the end of the day, but I seriously considered doing homework with Remus more often.

"Do you prefer to do homework alone?" I asked.

"It doesn't really matter, I just prefer quiet sometimes. It's hard to come by with the guys," he answered, looking at me instead of his parchment. "James and Sirius are at Quidditch practice and Peter isn't going anywhere near the library after he got locked in here a couple nights ago by himself."

I snickered, imagining the twitchy boy by himself in the dark library. "How did that happen? Don't professors and prefects patrol inside the library?"

Lacey and I sometimes adventured here when we were exploring at night. We knew first hand that patrols happened because we'd almost been caught loads of times. Yet again, I'm very thankful for dad's 'carelessly misplaced' disillusionment charm instructions.

He fixed me with a knowing look, his eyes sparkling with mischief that surprised me. "You would know, wouldn't you -foxing around in the dark with your friends after curfew and everything?"

I felt myself pale, knowing I'd been caught. Remus was a prefect, he could tell Professor Dumbledore and I could be in serious trouble. Dad could be stripped of his position at the Ministry because they weren't going to try and understand how I work. They would fire spells and ask questions later.

"Bloody hell, that's brilliant," he breathed, looking at me with wonder-filled eyes.

I touched my face, but none of my features were animated. In my haste to check my face, I ruffled my hair and saw that it was pale white. When the color drained from my face, it must've also drained from my hair. That was a first in a long time, I'd gotten pretty good control over my hair flaring different colors. It was pretty bad when I was little, but it hadn't happened in at least three years.

"You're a metamorphmagus?" he asked in a hushed whisper as I focused on making my hair strawberry blonde again. "I thought you were an Animagus."

Once my hair was normal again, I pitched my voice low. "No, my father is and my mum is a metamorphmagus like me. I wanted to be like him and we figured out how to manipulate my body in just the right way for me to turn into a fox, but please don't say anything. My dad could get fired and put in Azkaban, the Ministry doesn't understand people who are different nor do they want to."

He quickly sobered and nodded, leaning back from me. I hadn't realized the two of us were leaning into each other until I was suddenly cold without him near. I was going to ask what happened when two bodies slammed into the chairs between us.

"Hathaway, are you following me?" Sirius asked, eyeing James across from him.

I arched my eyebrow and looked at him. "No… I was here first. It's a good thing you're good-looking, not much going on up here."

I tapped his temple before getting my things and standing up. He was unhampered and grabbed my hand, making me quake inside because it was so rough and big. God, he was so fit. Jesus, I wanted him to fuck me into the next millennia.

"So, you think I'm good-looking, then?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows at me teasingly.

I rolled my eyes playfully and shrugged my shoulders. Then I turned to look at Remus, I saw him frowning and felt a matching one slide into place on my face. What happened? I thought we were becoming friends or at least acquaintances earlier, but he was so distant now.

"Thanks for letting me sit with you, Remus," I said, making him look up at me. "And for being such a good listener, I'd love to do homework with you again."

His frown turned into a smile again and the tightness in my chest lessened. I dropped Sirius' hand and left the library, feeling curiously light on my feet. It was a good feeling to know people understood you when you were different, it didn't happen often.

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 **Thaaaaaaaanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thea: Sophie Turner**

 **Lacey: Katie McGrath**

 **Remus: Andrew Garfield**

 **Sirius: Ben Barnes**

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Like I knew we would, Lacey and I made up by dinner time that night. We were sitting together at the Ravenclaw table with the other girls from our dorm. The two of us weren't really friends with them, like I'd mentioned before, they thought Lacey and I were weird for being curious about things we couldn't find in books as well as about the things we could, but the table was particularly crowded this year after the Sorting. Apparently, a lot of first years were Ravenclaws this year.

"So, you've got a date with Dorcas Meadows this weekend?" I asked, looking at her with skeptical eyes. When she nodded, I exclaimed, "Oh, my god! I didn't even know she liked girls!"

Lacey preened and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Before she met me, I don't think she knew either."

I just rolled my eyes, she always bragged about her conquests. If the two of them kissed or shagged, I'd know every single detail Saturday night. I told her all about Gideon, from losing my virginity to everywhere we hooked up after that. It was just what best friends did, there were no secrets.

"So, I think I'm going to start studying with Remus," I told her, eating more of my potatoes instead of looking at her. My stomach knotted up before I pushed forward and explained, "It's nothing personal and we can still study together sometimes, and I just get so much more finished with him."

She just shrugged and at some chicken. "That's fine, I hate studying so much when I can wing it and do just fine. I'm just curious when you switched Marauders to have affection for."

"Shut up, Remus Lupin _so_ isn't my type," I laughed. "He's so meek and gentle, I'm only into alpha males."

"More like dogs," Jalen Deveroux, a girl from our dorm, teased form her spot beside me at the table. "Sirius Black is infamous!"

I flipped her off and went back to eating with Lacey telling me all about Dorcas. She was raving about her hair when I glanced over at the Gryffindor table. It was right beside ours and I had a perfect view of Sirius and James Potter. The latter was telling some sort of story with grand hand gestures and Sirius was looking at me. When he realized I'd caught him, he smirked and his eyes held pure sin.

I licked my lips before trapping my bottom one between my teeth. He closed his eyes for a second before opening them again, absolutely blazing as he gazed over at me. Heat filled my whole body, starting from my lower belly and coursing out through my body. He wasn't even close to me and had me clenching my thighs together –that had to be a skill.

Then I realized who I was and I wasn't going to break under his gaze. Instead, I tossed my curls over my shoulder and felt a smirk of my own slide into place. I looked at him through my lashes, before going back to my food and eating some of my carrots. When I looked back at him, I saw him looking at his friends instead of at me. Just like that, our game was over.

"He is impossible!" I hissed to Lacey. "He was wrecking me one second, and the next he was laughing at something Pettigrew said! I've met that kid, he's not even funny!"

"Are you still hung up on Sirius Black? Wasn't him turning you down last year enough to put you off?" Ally Fields, a seventh year, asked, making her twit-like friends giggle. "Are you that big of a masochist, Hathaway?"

My eyes flashed over to her and narrowed into slits. Foxes may not be the biggest threat in the animal kingdom, but we did become violent when we were threatened. I looked at Ally and imagined sinking my teeth into her throat, but that wasn't appropriate human behavior. I was also trying my best to concentrate on keeping my hair from changing colors and my eyes from flashing like they were lit with fire.

"Are you talking from experience?" I asked, falling into attack mode the best way I knew how –verbally. "After your shag in a broom closet last year, he never looked at you again. Was you really that bad, love?"

Lacey snorted and slapped her palm against mine as Ally flashed her eyes over to her friends. She and I had overheard that when we were exploring the castle last year. We were outside their dormitory, sneaking downstairs, when we heard her telling her dim little friends all about it. She must've thought one of her friends let it slip and she was out for blood with them.

"You are so evil," Lacey giggled. "How you're a Ravenclaw and not a Slytherin, I will never understand."

The answer was I'd been a hatstall, the first in nearly fifty years. I asked to be in Ravenclaw because my father had explained the Houses to me before I came here. He didn't talk badly about any of them, but I'd looked in books to learn about the founders and did not want to be anywhere touched by Salazar Slytherin. I was clever and manipulative, but blood status meant nothing to me nor did purity.

I sneered at her teasingly and flicked a couple peas from my plate. She shrieked and flicked a couple at me, making giggles leave my mouth. After we finished, I felt eyes on me and glanced over at the Gryffindor table to see all four Marauders watching the two of us. I waved at them, twiddling my fingers before going back to looking at Lacey.

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I had potions first thing Monday morning and saw Remus Lupin already sitting in the seat beside mine. My usual partner was a dim Hufflepuff whose entrance into advanced potions astounded me. He was cute enough but dumber than a box of rocks.

"Can I ask why you're my new partner? Not that I'm complaining, Hugh was a bit of a nitwit," I whispered the last part as I perched on the stool beside him.

"Alas, I think that may have been Pryce's opinion on me," he whispered back, glancing over at his previous partner. "I felt bad bringing down his scores."

"So you don't mind dropping mine?" I teased, pulling out my things for class.

Instead of shrinking under my accusation, he smirked and I tilted my head in confusion. The bags under his eyes weren't as pronounced as they were Saturday when we were in the library together. He still looked tired, but I was pretty sure that was just a permanent look for him. I think he looked that tired when we were eleven too, but I couldn't be sure.

"I feel like you're going to do just fine. You have some of the highest marks in the class and earn the most house points. Slughorn has ever seen," he replied, then glanced over his shoulder at the Slytherin corner of the class. "Don't tell Snape I said that… or Lily."

That made me snort dorkily, covering my mouth with my hand in response. "I didn't coin you as funny, but I'm pleasantly surprise, Lupin."

"I'm a Marauder after all, Hathaway," He responded easily, turning his body to face mine. "Did you think I was only invited because I'm roguishly handsome?"

I outright laughed that time, making a couple people glance over at us. A few Ravenclaws raised their brows when they saw us along with a couple Gryffindors, but no one asked any questions. I suppose seeing the two of us together for the first time in six years was a bit odd. It was a little odd to me too.

"So, I have a proposition for you," I told him after we'd stopped laughed.

"What kind of proposition?" he asked, immediately skeptical.

"Chill out, Lupin, you look like I'm about to ask if I can kill you," I teased. "I just wanted to ask if you'd like to study together more. I thoroughly enjoyed your presence Saturday."

The rigidity of his spine faded after I told him what I wanted. It was almost like he thought I was going to ask him something unpleasant…

Before he could answer me, Slughorn entered the classroom with a swish of his emerald robes. "Hello, class! Are we ready to brew Draught of the Living Dead?"

We'd been discussing the potion for the last two weeks and the hazardous effects of brewing it incorrectly. It was also one of the hardest potions for one to brew, especially in one single hour. All the potions we'd be brewing this semester were very hard, and I wasn't very excited for this one. I only took the class because I wanted to be an Auror and it was mandatory.

"Turn to page 10 and start brewing, I dare say you'll need every second you can get," he instructed before sitting at his desk with his hands resting on his bulging belly.

"I'll go get the ingredients if you set things up," I suggested, pushing up from the table and heading to the potions' closet.

I waited in line to enter the closet, a couple people ahead of me. Once I was inside, I started searching for the sopophorous beans. I grabbed a few just in case I didn't cut them correctly the first time before getting a vial of African sand and some Valerian roots, I already had essence of wormwood in my kit at the table.

As I was exiting the closet, I slammed into Snape and dropped my vial of salt to the ground. I said a quick spell under my breath and it zoomed back up to my hand. Good thing I'd been working on my wandless magic this summer with my dad, it sure seemed to come in handy.

"Watch out blood traitor whore," Rosier seethed from the other side of Snape. "The important wizards have to learn how to brew this, what with all the little mudbloods and blood traitors running amok. I think this would lay them out just right, especially the one you run around with who has the huge tits? Such a waste."

I narrowed my eyes and sat my ingredients on the table beside me before yanking out my wand. Slughorn couldn't see us so I pressed the tip right under his chin and dropped my voice to a deadly whisper without fear of getting caught.

"You're not shit, just a cowardly little boy who does what his daddy tells him because he's too weak to form an opinion of his own," I seethed. "I don't care how many little friends you have, I'm not afraid of you. If you threaten Lacey again, I swear to god it'll be the last thing you ever do. Do I make myself clear?"

I saw a flicker of fear behind his eyes before he replaced it with cool indifference. "You've got a big mouth, Hathaway. I can give you something to fill it with if you'd like."

His dumb friends laughed and I rolled my eyes, digging my wand deeper into his throat before dropping it. "You're not worth the air you breathe, prat."

I gathered my potion ingredients and stalked back over to Remus. I sat the things down and laid my palms flat on the table as I tried to even out my breathing. It wasn't the first time I'd been cornered by the death eaters in training, but I wasn't afraid anymore. There was a reason I'd worked with my dad this summer, I wanted to be ready in case something happened sooner than everyone expected.

I wasn't stupid, I knew a war was brewing. My father worked in the Ministry after all, he heard all about the attacks on muggles and muggleborn homes. He wanted me to be aware and be able to keep people safe, I was also pretty brave for a Ravenclaw. Slytherin hatstall be damned, I was nothing like those filthy cowards.

"Thea, are you okay?" Remus asked, his hand landing on mine after a few seconds. "You were gone for a while."

I took a centering breath before shaking my head. "I'm fine, let's just brew this and kick Snape's ass. I'm better than him at everything and I want every single one of his slimy, git friends to know."

Remus' eyes flashed before he nodded and started helping me prepare the ingredients. We didn't speak as I focused completely on the potion and what I was supposed to do, never looking away from the cauldron. It was hard, possibly one of the hardest things I've done, but I was determined. I was trying to cut the bean to no avail, in my frustration I crushed it with my knife and saw the juice spurt out easily.

"Shit," I breathed, grabbing my knife and one of the other beans before squeezing it into the cauldron instead of cutting it up.

"You're kind of brilliant," Remus remarked as he handed me the water and salt beaker mixture. "How'd you figure that out?"

"Kind of offended you're surprised, I wear the Ravenclaw crest after all," I grinned fleetingly at him before focusing back in on what I was doing.

We kept brewing and I watched as the potion shifted colors just like it was supposed to. It was time to add the final Valerian root when the potion exploded in my face. I screamed as the boiling liquid scorched my skin and covered it with my hands, hitting my knees on the stone floor of the dungeon.

"Professor!" Remus shouted before following me down and trying to get me to move my hands. "Thea, let me see. Let me see your face, love."

His soft voice made me move my hands, but I couldn't see him. I couldn't see anything.

I grabbed his wrist in a death grip before I breathed, "I can't see."

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 **See ya next chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4

I heard rapid footfalls and figured it was Slughorn rushing over to the two of us. A second later, he instructed Remus to take me to the Infirmary Wing. He lifted me easily into his arms and rushed to Madam Pomfrey, calling for her after I heard the whoosh of the double doors opening. I never realized how much I depended on my sight until it was gone, I was lost.

Just as I thought that, I registered the excruciating burning sensation all over my face. It felt like I'd submerged myself into hot coals or something. I'd gotten a really bad sunburn when I was twelve and my family went to Italy, and it was only a fraction of what I was feeling now. A whimper of pain escaped my lips before I could stop it and I felt Remus give me a comforting squeeze.

"Remus! What happened?" she asked in a rushed voice. "Lay her here!"

"We were brewing Draught of the Living Dead and it exploded on her face," he explained quickly. "Professor Slughorn said something about her adding the wrong ingredient, but I watched and that wasn't what happened."

"I can't see," I added during a lull in conversation. "And my face is on fire."

She tutted under her breath but didn't say anything to me. I had no idea what was happening until I felt the burning on my face ease. Then she opened my eyes and I felt liquid drop into them, instructing me to close them again after she was finished. Once she told me to keep them that way until she told me to open them, she left me to relax back against the cool cot under me.

When it was quiet and I was pretty sure I was alone, I felt hot tears of embarrassment burning my eyes. I'd been so concerned with showing off that I possibly blinded myself. I also made Remus fail the assignment. I was a total asshole.

"Thea?" Remus asked, his hand finding mine on the bed and holding it in both of his. "Are you okay? Are you in pain?"

Even more embarrassment flooded me when I realized I'd been caught crying. I was literally crying over spilled potion. There was some sort of irony in there, I was just too ashamed to find it.

"No, I'm just overwhelmed by how stupid I was," I replied, figuring lying was out of the question as I wiped the tears from my face. "I was so focused on making those damn Slytherin look bad I wasn't paying enough attention to our potion. I probably made us both fail and I'm so sorry."

He laughed and said, "That's not important. You did it completely right; I don't know why it exploded like that. Actually, you were kind of badass when you were making it. I wish I could be that focused on something."

That made me laugh and reached up with my free hand to touch my face timidly. "At least there aren't any blisters on my face anymore. That would've been painful."

"No, Pomfrey healed them," he told me, his hands retracting from mine. "Facial scars are the worst, right?"

"Don't be a self-depreciative asshole, okay? I'm literally lying blind in a hospital bed right now and we're talking about your issues," I told him drying. "If I could see, I would hit you, you prat."

"There will be no striking anyone, Miss Hathaway," Madam Pomfrey chided, her quick footsteps entering the room with us. "Can you open your eyes for me?"

I slowly forced them open and the light burned so I hissed and closed them again quickly. I reopened them and forced myself to keep them that way as everything slowly came into focus. Remus was a little blurry around the edges, but it was a lot better than earlier.

"I can see, it's blurry though," I told her, looking at her instead of my savior.

"The boiling potion burned your retinas, but I mended them pretty easily. I also healed all your burns and blisters," she told me as she slowly lost her blurriness. "You can return to your classes, the both you."

I nodded and sat up, moving slow so I didn't fall over when I was dizzy. Remus handed me my bag and offered me his arm to help me up. Once I was steady on my feet, I dropped it and we walked back into the castle together after she gave us notes for class.

"I'm heading to transfigurations," he told me. "What about you?"

"Ancient runes," I replied. "Thanks for helping me and I'm apologizing again for making you fail that potion. You probably want to go back to Pryce now."

He shook his head and said, "No way. Whatever grade we got, it had to be better than any marks we ever gotten together."

That made me snort and grip the strap of my bag nervously. Before I could talk myself out of it, I stood on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. His face flamed and it made me smirk, I went from being nervous to being completely in my element.

"Don't pass out on me now, Lupin. I don't think McGonagall will take that as a valid excuse for an absence," I smirked before turning and heading toward my class.

* * *

Lacey was all over me the second I told her about my potions' mishap. She brought up something I'd never even thought of –those Slytherin imbeciles messing with my ingredients so they backfired. There was obviously no way to prove this and Slughorn wouldn't believe me if I didn't have any proof, but it made me feel an ounce better. It wasn't necessarily my mistake.

"Those vile, loathsome, little pricks!" she shrieked the second I walked into our common room before launching into her theory.

Word had traveled around the castle about my explosion pretty fast. She warned me it would be the talk of dinner, but I would hold my head up high regardless. Whatever progress I'd made with Sirius and getting him to shag me was probably all undone now, but he couldn't see if faze me.

"I'm in total agreement, but there's no way to get proof," I sighed, flopping onto the couch beside her. "And without proof, none of the professors will believe me, much less Dumbledore."

She knew I was right and sighed along with me, propping her feet up on the table. "Well, have you made any progress with Sirius?"

I sighed dramatically, pinching the bridge of my nose. "No, and I'm sure whatever progress I'd previously made is dashed now. No one wants to shag the school laughing stock."

Lacey shook her head and got up, extending her hands to me. When I took them, she pulled me to my feet and let me go upstairs to sit my bag down before heading to the Great Hall. Not nearly as many eyes flashed to me as I figured, only ones from the Slytherin table. Even if I was a bit put off by their attention, I kept my head held high and held their eye contact -daring the spineless twits to do something.

"You're my hero, Dorothea Renee Hathaway," Lacey told me after we sat down. "That was so badass! You didn't even flinch as they stared you down and laughed! I am so bloody impressed!"

I was going to reply sassily when someone placed their hand on my shoulder from behind. My entire body tensed as I slowly turned to see Remus standing behind me with a sheepish smile on his face. For a moment, I'd feared one of the Slytherins had gotten up and come to hex me or something.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he told me. "I was just checking to see how you are."

"Moony, what're you doing?" James asked, coming over to Remus with Sirius and Peter in tow. Then he looked and us and said, "Ladies."

"Good to know you can still see my good-looking face, Hathaway! It would've been a national tragedy if you couldn't," Sirius joked, eyes twinkling at me.

I think if anyone else had said that I would have been very upset, but I was smirking whenever he said it. "Of course, that would be the worst possible outcome, wouldn't it? Not losing my vision forever, just missing out on your mug. I'd just have to feel my way around, wouldn't I?"

That made him and Potter laugh. "You losing your vision is looking more and more promising, if you'll forgive my pun."

"Oh, I didn't even notice the pun," I replied, flipping my curls over my shoulder. "I'd love to give you some private time to teach you how to properly construct one."

"See? I always knew you were more than just a pretty face," he smirked before he and his friends went over to their table.

Sirius had a nice bum to go with everything else nice on his body. I was looking at it and biting my bottom lip when Lacey snorted. I cut my eyes over to her and raised my brows in question.

"I thought only blokes checked out bums…?" she teased, sipping her pumpkin juice to prove her point.

"Did you see how nice his was?" I asked. When she nodded, I continued, "Then I rest my case."

She rolled her eyes but didn't disagree. Thus proving my point that his bum was a treasure for all of us. His puns, however, were not.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Don't forget to leave me a review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**You guys are awesome! Thanks for reviewing, it means so much and makes my chapters come out faster!**

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There was a Quidditch game Friday and Gryffindor's victory meant there was going to be an epic party in their common room. There wasn't better reason for a party than the total inhalation of Hufflepuff. You can say what you want about the Marauders, but they definitely knew how to throw bangers. Lacey told me I had no choice but to be her date and I agreed with minimal begging. Mostly because it would be prime time to flirt with Sirius, but also because she was my best friend and I had to be her plus one.

"You've got to be at your hottest, Vix," she informed me while we got ready for the party. "I want you to make Sirius _beg_ you to shag him."

She was right, I needed to show off my assets. This time there was going to be no other option than to take me up to his dorm and shag my brains out. I knew a charm that kept my boobs lifted, paired with my best pushup bra meant I was going to be sexy as hell. Especially in my tight bodycon dress and red pumps -tonight was going to be my bitch.

I made my makeup just right before charming it and my perfectly messy curls into place. With only minimal judgmental looks from our roommates we were off to Gryffindor Tower with the help of a couple disillusionment charms to keep us hidden from roaming prefects. The last thing we needed was to get caught out of uniform, in the halls after curfew.

There was a fifth year dude standing outside the entrance to the common room when we made it to Gryffindor Tower. When we removed our invisibility charms, I saw his eyes widen as he took us in before whispering something to the lady in the portrait on the door. She huffed but opened anyway and revealed the party inside, already in full swing considering we were about an hour late.

Lacey took my hand in hers and beelined over to the alcohol table, pouring us each a cup of Firewhisky. We took our first shot together and gagged almost in sync with each other, wincing at the burning sensation coursing down our throats. Once it hit my belly, I immediately felt dizziness take over and knew tonight was going to be interesting if I kept drinking the quickly.

We'd been at the party for about half an hour when I finally saw Sirius. He was surrounded by several girls who were all flirting with him. I adjusted my boobs and fluffed my hair before going over and catching his eye. Instead of greeting me, his eyes just went back to the girls around him and made me frown. The boy was flirting with me just the other day and now he didn't want to acknowledge my existence? What did that even mean?

I wasn't going down without a fight this time so I moved to sit on the arm of the chair he was in, turning my body so he got an eyeful of my bare legs. I knew they were one of my best features just behind my bum, they were long and shapely in a way that drew boys' attention.

"Are you playing hard to get tonight?" I asked, leaning close to whisper in his ear. "I like to play, especially with you."

He just brushed me off, not looking away from the fifth year Gryffindor girl sitting in front of him. Rejection made my face burn, but I wasn't ready to give up yet. I stood up and pulled my best sultry look before taking his hand, trying to pull him to his feet. In the history of the universe, no straight guy ever turned down grinding with a girl who wanted to dance.

"Can you stop? Please?" he cried, making me flinch and pull my hand away like I'd been burned when he cut his eyes over to me instead of the other girl. "I'm not even the one who fancies you."

A few people looked over at us and I felt tears burning my eyes. This was the second time he'd rejected me and I still didn't know how to deal with it. I looked for Lacey through my tears and saw her dancing with Dorcas across the common room. I couldn't interrupt her because my feelings were hurt, that wasn't fair to her. Instead, I just found an empty couch away from most of the people and grabbed a bottle of Firewhisky on the way over to flop down on it.

I was feeling sorry for myself and drinking to stop myself from bawling like an idiot. Unfortunately, sitting alone gave me more than enough time to think. What did he mean when he said he wasn't the one who fancied me? He'd been flirting with me since I went up to him in the Great Hall. I didn't necessarily fancy him either, but I thought we shared a mutual interest in shagging each other.

"Mind if I sit with you?" Lily Evans asked, gesturing to the empty couch beside me. "I'm not really feeling the party either."

I shrugged and said, "It's your common room. Sit wherever you want."

She sat down and took the bottle of whisky I extended to her as a peace offering. We sat and drank together in silence for a while, watching the party rage around us. Sirius had no problem dancing with the Gryffindor girl from earlier while she whispered in his ear. I watched in anger as she led him upstairs a couple songs later, making a bad taste gather in the back of my mouth.

"Why are you glaring at Black? Not that I disagree, he's horrid, but I'm curious," she asked, her green eyes flashing to me and cutting me to my core.

I shrugged and figured I'd just bare my soul to the girl I'd only spoken to a couple time -the alcohol making it easier. "I've been trying to get him to shag me for two years and he's turned me down both times I've approached him about it. I thought it was different this year because he's been flirting back, but he basically told me I was never going to be worthy of sharing his bed in a very loud voice."

"Literally anything in a skirt with a pulse shares his bed," she argued. "You're really attractive and not bad to talk to, he'd be lucky to have you… however you wanted."

"I know! I'm gorgeous and smart and funny and pretty good at almost everything! I'm a catch!" I replied, throwing my arms out and hitting something with my hand clumsily -I was a lot more drunk than I realized. "Oops!"

"Oof!"

Remus was standing beside the couch with a cup in his hand. "I'm sorry! I didn't know you were back there, we have to get you a bell or something to announce your presence."

He smiled grimly at me before sitting on the edge of the table across from us. "I saw Sirius shout at you and came to apologize for his behavior. That wasn't very nice, he tends to have a pretty one-track mind while inebriated."

I tried my best to shrug like I wasn't bothered and hoped he'd buy it. Even while intoxicated, I didn't want Remus to think I was any more of a mess than he already did. The poor boy insisted on being my potions partner even though I'd nearly maimed myself the first time we worked together and most of the class snickered about me behind their hands now. No matter how many points I earned, I couldn't reclaim their respect.

"He said something about not being the one who fancies me… whatever that means," I sighed, taking another pull from the Firewhisky Lily handed me. When I heard the familiar sound of KC and the Sunshine Band, I reached out for her hand and said, "I love this song! Dance with me!"

She laughed and came with me, thrusting the bottle into Remus' hands as we went. While we were dancing together, Lacy joined us along with Dorcas and the four of us danced together for what seemed like hours. I forgot about the spurn of Sirius' rejection by dancing and having fun instead.

During the downtime between a Bowie song and a Tina Turner one, I caught Remus' eyes from across the room. He was watching the group of us with a look I'd never seen on him. The left side of his lips was turned up in a smirk and his eyes were stormy as they watched my every move. When he realized I'd caught him, he held my eyes instead of shying away like I expected and I felt a delighted shiver course through me. I shook my head and focused back in on the girls around me, refusing to think about Remus. I was much too drunk to think about anything but laughing with Lacey and my new found friends.

* * *

My head pounding was my alarm the next morning as a groan worked its way out of my mouth. Someone laughed closer to me than I expected and made me jump, falling into the floor with a thump. I didn't recognize where I was, but it definitely wasn't Ravenclaw Tower.

"You're a drooler, did you know that?" Lily asked, peeking over the edge of the bed I'd fell from. When she saw the confusion on my face, she explained, "We were really drunk last night and figured the two of you couldn't make it back to your common room without getting caught so you and Lacey came up here. Somewhere around two or so I cast a silencing charm around their bed because your roommate is very loud."

"She and Dorcas hooked up?" I asked, hangover forgotten in my haste to get back up on her bed and gossip.

"That or she was begging Dorcas to share give her more room on the bed," Lily grinned, passing me a vial of hazy liquid. "Tastes like old socks but cures hangovers."

We sneaked over to the bed and saw the two of them wrapped up in the cover and each other. It would've been sweet if I couldn't see Dorcas' boobs. It was too early for so much areola.

"I'm going to go shower and hit breakfast. Want to meet me in the Great Hall?" I asked, standing up and grabbing my dress and shoes. "Thanks for the change of clothes last night. The last thing I want is for something to think I'm doing a walk of shame."

She chuckled and we parted ways a few minutes later, me carrying my things and trying to not speak with anyone. I made it back to my dorm pretty quickly because most people were either still sleeping off their hangovers or already at Hogsmeade. I showered and got dressed for Hogsmeade myself, figuring I'd head down with Lacey eventually.

"So, I don't think Lacey is coming downstairs any time soon. They were trying to swallow each other's tongues when I left them," Lily told me as we sat together at the end of the Gryffindor table.

"In that case, do you want to go with me to Hogsmeade after we eat?" I asked, putting eggs on my plate along with a couple pieces of toast with marmalade.

"With an offer as gratifying as that, how can a girl say no?" she joked, eating food of her own. Then she groaned and said, "Incoming asshole convention."

Before I could ask what she meant, James Potter sat beside her with his arm slung around her shoulders. "Morning, Evans, glad I could make it better for you with my face."

"It seems as though you've forgotten what better means," she told him without looking up from her porridge as she shrugged his arm off. She looked back at me and kept talking like we hadn't been interrupted. "Hogsmeade sounds fun, I'd just planned on tucking away in my room with a book."

"Fancy that, we're also going to Hogsmeade," James continued, oblivious to Lily's disinterest. "We should meet up for a butterbeer."

"I'd rather stab myself in the hand with Thea's fork," Lily replied, looking at him for the first time since he'd sat down with a saccharine smile on her lips.

"Watch out, mate, she's a kinky one!" Sirius teased, making me freeze on the spot.

Last night came flooding back to me and made me immediately lose my appetite. I sipped on my juice and subtly pushed my plate away. Sirius wasn't interested, that much was obvious, he just enjoyed playing with me to pass his time. I wouldn't have minded that if he didn't make his disinterest so public… I think. It was also a huge blow to my self-esteem that he didn't want me.

"Well, Hogsmeade waits for nobody. Let's go, Thea," Lily announced, pushing up from the table and gesturing for me to do the same. Then she turned to James and said, "Except you, it'll wait for you so don't rush down."

My laugh wasn't the only one, Remus also thought it was funny. I looked over at him to share a smile and remembered the way he looked at me last night. It was like he wanted to fuck me against the nearest flat surface, other party-goers be damned. I also remembered _responding_ to it and felt my stomach flip. I was so messed up over Sirius not wanting me that I'd thought I wanted Remus. That wasn't nice. At all.

We were friends, thinking he was fit would just mess up the entire dynamic between us. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm swearing off boys and sex for the next forty years.

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 **Some important plot lines were laid out this chapter! Remember, reviewing makes my chapters come out sooner!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's the next chapter! It's kind of angsty, but they are teenagers after all.**

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Lily and I were currently in Tomes and Scrolls, tucked back in the second-hand muggle literature section. There was something so endearing about books that had previous owners, they carried something more than just ink on pages. I know that's such a privileged thing, I go to second-hand stores because I think it's _cool_ and _trendy_. Most of the time I just shrugged that off because people always judge for something and it was hardly the most predominant thing on my mind right now.

I was looking through a shelf of classics when Lily let out a frustrated sigh. "Of course, they found us. They're like bloody blood hounds or something!"

I followed her eyes and saw the Marauders coming into the store with us. "Moony, come on! This place smells! Let's go to Zonko's!"

"You all go ahead, I'll meet you there," Remus answered without turning to look at them.

"Jesus, Lily, we have to dip out of here," I whispered, grabbing her hand in mine and yanking her down behind the shelves so he wouldn't see us. "I don't want him to see me!"

Her eyebrows were knitted together in confusion and she stubbornly refused to move when I tried to yank her through the aisles. This headstrong witch wasn't going anywhere with me until I explained to her why I was so freaked out. To her knowledge, I only had a problem with Sirius.

"I swear I'll tell you everything if we just get out of here," I cried quietly, a hint of hysteria bubbling in my belly. "Lily, I'm serious!"

"Is there a reason you're crouched behind a shelf of books about herbology, whispering to each other?" a voice from above us asked, making me squeak and fall backward to my bum.

Of course, he found us when I was trying desperately to stay hidden. Lily stood up and pulled me up with her, dusting off the knees of her jeans and smiling at Remus. I'd never really thought about it, but I'm sure they were friends. They were both prefects and brilliant Gryffindors, it only made sense.

"I thought I dropped a contact," I said without thinking.

"You wear contacts?" he asked, an amused smile tugging at his lips.

"No," I said, quickly changing the subject before he could ask any more questions. "So, what's up?"

He started talking about some random book he was looking for and I tried to calm down my nerves. I wasn't nervous because he made me _swoon_ or anything ridiculous like that, I was just afraid he'd ask about last night. I needed to get a better understanding on what happened before we could talk about it. And by that, I mean I needed to talk it out with Lacey so I didn't lose my mind or say something stupid I'd regret.

"It's good to see the two of you survived last night," he said, drawing my attention back to the conversation. "I think you drank most of the world's supply of Firewhisky."

I laughed along with Lily before she replied, "Pepperup potions are brilliant, and to think muggles are still trying to come up with a cure like that."

We talked for a couple more minutes before Remus' friends came looking for him. Well, Sirius came looking for him and I felt my face flush. I picked up my books and made some flimsy excuse before heading up to check out. I'd rather talk to Remus about last night than EVER talk to Sirius again.

I was waiting for the guy behind the counter to bag my books when Lily found me again. "For future reference, please don't leave me alone with Black."

The look on her face made me laugh and some of my embarrassment lifted. We headed back out into the chaos of Hogsmeade with our arms linked. I heard someone shouting my name and turned around to see Lacey and Dorcas hurrying to catch up with us. They shared a pleasant glow and flushed cheeks, it was very clear they shagged each other a couple times since Lily and I left and were very satisfied. Gross.

"I'm surprised the two of you can walk!" Lily teased, hugging her roommate.

"Well, I'm dying for a butterbeer," Lacey sneered, cutting her teasing short. "And it's not like I drilled her into the mattress, girls don't jackhammer each other."

I laughed out loud at that, making more than a couple look in our direction. Lily was also snorting, but I could tell she wasn't so used to such blatant conversations about sex. I threw my arm around her shoulder and lead the group of us to the Three Broomsticks.

The four of us found a booth in a far-off corner before Lily pounced on me. "Now tell me why you were dying to get away from the only good Marauder. What happened between you and Remus?"

"Is this about Remus and how the two of you eye-fucked each other last night?" Lacey asked, sipping from her frothy mug.

I blanched at her statement, I didn't even realize she was sober enough to retain information like that. "We were NOT eye-fucking each other! We just caught each other's eye from across the dance floor while we were making fools of ourselves."

I decided to keep the exact nature of his expression to myself until Lacey and I were alone. While I trusted Lily, and enjoyed being around her and Dorcas, I wasn't quite ready to tell her things like that. Lacey was my best friend, I told her everything and she helped me work them out. More than likely she was going to tell me I was overreacting and we were both just drunk… hopefully.

"I've always thought he fancied you a bit. He's asked about you a couple times while we're doing rounds," Lily told us and made me snort butterbeer out my nose.

"That's not possibly, the group of them is way too close for Sirius to flirt with Thea if Remus like her," Dorcas argued. "Even if you think he's a prat, you've got to admit he'd never do that."

I was about to agree when I remembered what Sirius barked at me last night. "Sirius told me last night he wasn't 'even the one who fancied me' when I was trying to hook up with him. He couldn't have meant Remus, could he? Dorcas is right, they wouldn't do that to each other."

"You don't think it was a prank, do you? Playing with you because he knew you were interested in him and it made you an easy target?" Lacey suggested timidly, trying to not upset me.

My stomach hit my knees -I hadn't even thought about that! The group of them were notorious pranksters and were known for being cruel with them sometimes. I thought they'd grown out of that phase, except for Severus Snape, but I could be wrong. They were a lot more considerate when they pranked people from their own house, but all other houses seemed to be fair game.

"As if the entire experience wasn't embarrassing enough, I'm also the butt of his joke," I huffed, anger quickly replacing my embarrassment.

I searched the pub for the group of them and found them in the center, like always. I shoved up from the table and walked with a purpose over to them. Their conversation halted immediately and all their eyes flashed up to me, surprise clear in their depths. Whatever they'd been talking about was not for me to hear. Shocking.

"Was your stupid, little prank worth it?" I asked, my voice just loud enough for the five of us to hear. "You made me think you were interested in me and then humiliated the hell out of me when I tried to act on it. Again."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Hathaway," he told me, laughing at me and pissing me off even more. "Now, if you don't mind, we were having a private conversation. Run along now."

"You don't get to dismiss me, Sirius Black. I'm not finished speaking with you," I told him icily, sitting in an empty chair beside him. "I want you to tell me the truth about what you did."

I watched Sirius' eyes dart around before looking back at me quickly. "You're right, it was just a prank."

Internally, I winced but remained icy on the outside. "Well, you can go to hell. The prettiest face in the world can't cover up how ugly you are inside. Pulling pranks are one thing, but messing with people's lives and emotions is twisted. I'm glad I figured out who you were before anything happened between us, I regret wasting so much time on you."

I stalked back over to my friends with adrenaline pulsing through my veins. "I'm going back to the castle; you guys have fun."

I grabbed my shopping bag and left the pub without looking back, the amount of people in the village made it kind of hard to breathe. I was such an idiot to actually think Sirius wanted to be with me now. I must be so blind to think I was attractive now, he never turned down attractive girls. I was so deluded it was pathetic, it just took this to make me realize it.

I was almost to the hill leading up to the castle when I heard Lacey shouting my name behind me. She must've left her date to come check on me and it made me feel even worse. My disaster couldn't have happened at a worse time, she'd finally gotten a date with a girl who wasn't closeted. Too often she fell for girls who refused to go out in public with her, but Dorcas was different. I knew it was hard to be out right now, but things were getting better every day and I saw how much happier Lacey was after she came out in third year.

"Hey, what happened? You look like you're going to cry," she asked, rushing over to me and taking me into her arms. "T, talk to me."

"He told me it was all a prank, Lace. I'm so stupid," I told her, my voice betraying me as my adrenaline faded and was replaced with humiliation. "I was just something for he and his mates to laugh about."

"Oh, lovey," she cooed, hugging me tight. "I swear I'll hex his bullocks off and put them in a jar along with his penis to sit on his bedside table."

I let out a hiccup-like sound before wiping my face with the sleeve of my cardigan. "You can go back to your date, Lacey. I know what it means to you to be with a girl who wants to go public."

"No, I told her I had to come to you because you needed me and she totally understood," she reassured me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and leading the way up to the castle. "Lily told me the password for the prefect's bath, we're going to go for a relaxing swim."

* * *

"Boys are stupid, teach me to be a lesbian," I groaned, reclining back into the warm water to submerge my shoulders.

"There are a couple things wrong with that statement," she replied, swimming over to me and floating in front of me. "I can't 'teach' you to be gay, you're either born that way or you're not. Also, girls are stupid too and hurt you just as much as boys. People just suck, Vixy."

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, playing it up to make her laugh. Then I sobered up and asked, "Lacey, do you think I'm attractive? Like, seriously. Would you date me if you didn't know me and just saw me in the hallway?"

She raised her brows and looked at me. "Where'd that come from? You've always been confident, don't let Sirius wreck that."

"He always shags pretty girls, but he just played with me," I told her in a small voice. "I thought I'd really glowed up, you know?"

"I could punch him right in his arrogant face!" she hissed, reaching forward and holding my shoulders so I had to look at her. "Dorothea Renee Hathaway, you are a total knockout! You're funny, smart, and fiercely loyal. You know how to have fun and never, ever leave me out because I'm a muggleborn. You're selfless and compassionate, anyone would be lucky to love you."

I hugged her again, so thankful I'd changed my hair color on the train our first year.

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to drop me a review!**


	7. Chapter 7

I made it to Monday night before Lacey made me tell her what was up between me and Remus. I tried to play it off and change the subject to no avail -she knew all my avoidance techniques. The girl probably knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.

"Fine!" I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "After Sirius turned me down, I went over to a sofa away from everyone with a bottle of whisky. Lily found me and we drank together, watching everyone make fools of themselves. Then Remus came over and sat with us, joining our conversation and apologizing for how his asshat of a best friend acted.

"A few minutes later, KC and the Sunshine Band started playing and you know how much I love them. I grabbed Lily's hand and made her dance with me, then you and Dorcas joined us a little while later. During a break in our dancing, if you can even call it that, I saw Remus watching me and I've never seen him look so _animalistic_ before. It was like he wanted to eat me whole," I explained, picking nervously at the fringe on the chair I was sitting in. "It made me all tingly inside, but I don't know if it even happened like that or if I made it up in my alcohol-hazed brain."

Lacey's jaw was hanging open and her eyes were big. "Oh, my god, Lily's right! Remus totally fancies you! That had to be what the asshat meant when he said he wasn't the one who liked you!"

My eyes narrowed as I flashed them over to her. "You've lost your marbles, Lace. I was positive you'd tell me I was overreacting because I'd been drinking and made it up."

"Let's do some snooping tonight. I'm sure we can get into the Gryffindor common room if you do a little _foxing_ around," she suggested in a quiet voice.

"You really are insane! We could get expelled for that!" I hissed, grabbing her arm and pulling her closer. "What would snooping even get us?"

"We could maybe listen in on what they're talking about and see if Remus really likes you," she replied as if it was the easiest thing. "Duh!"

I looked at her in disbelief -she was actually being serious. "That is completely and totally crazy! I don't care that much if Remus fancies me."

I did enjoy being around him, I felt warm and happy. He was calm and it was contagious, I could feel my anxiety wafting away when we sat and did our homework. At least it was like that before things got all messed up Friday night. He was also attractive, I really enjoyed his quick wit and his intelligence. I realized I wanted to know if he fancied me before I allowed myself to think any more about possibly fancying him.

"Okay, we'll do it," I finally agreed, making her face light up in excitement.

* * *

Lacey and I left our common room a few hours later while people were distracted. We found a dark corner where I changed and Lacey turned herself invisible. We stalked through the castle, me sticking to the shadows and her doing whatever she wanted. We never did this when people were still outside who could catch us, it was unnerving and made me anxious. I didn't want to get caught, it would be a disaster for me and my family.

The Gryffindor common room entrance required a password that we didn't have so we had to remain hidden until someone came through. Lacey sneaking inside was easy, she couldn't be seen, but me sneaking inside would be more complicated. I wasn't invisible, I was just a fox and that would raise a lot of questions if I was seen. No matter how many strange things happened on the grounds, a student as a fox would be odd.

My inner monologue of doubt was cut short when a first year came scurrying over to the door with a couple friends behind her. She said the password, 'candy floss,' and the portrait swung open. I didn't think, I just ran between their legs and stayed hidden amongst them until I found a chair to zoom under and hide in the cozy common room. It looked different than it did last night, there were rugs and tables and a lack of drunken, grinding bodies.

I had no idea where Lacey was so I peeked out from under the chair to find her. The charm kept her hidden unless you knew to look for her. There was a very subtle shimmer around her body that was nearly impossible to see. I felt the fingers of fear starting to grip my heart until I saw a slight shimmer next to the stairs to the boys' dormitory. The charm didn't necessarily make the person invisible, it made them like a chameleon -giving htem the ability to camouflage themselves against their background.

I hid under the chair for so long I started getting sleepy and a yawn left my mouth, a quiet noise leaving my mouth. I was about to give up and signal to Lacey for us to leave when I heard familiar voices filling the empty common room. I don't know when that happened, there was a least a couple kids scattered around the room the last time I checked. I must've taken a little nap and not realized it.

"I did it for you, Moony," Sirius said, his voice getting closer as he sat down in the chair I was hiding under. "She thinks I'm an inexplicable asshole now so her crush on me is nonexistent. That gives you prime time to slid right in there and shag her brains out while she's heartbroken over me."

Wow, I felt so special. He'd played with me and hoped it would mess me up enough to hook up with his friend. God, he was such a shitty human being. I seriously dodged a bullet when it came to him.

"Do you hear how fucked up that is?" Remus asked, voicing my own questions. "I don't want to be some heartbroken, rebound hookup for her."

"I don't blame him," Peter squeaked from what sounded like the other side of Remus on the couch.

"I get that you think she hung the moon," Sirius began, pausing before he added, "Okay, sorry, that was a bad use of a metaphor but you know what I mean! You've fancied her since we were in second year."

"Actually, it's an idiom," he retorted quickly. "And you're an idiot."

There it was, Remus Lupin fancied me. That was what we wanted to hear, we could go back to our dorm now as soon as they were focused on something else. I didn't want to eavesdrop on any more of their private conversation, that was crossing a line. Granted, I'd probably already crossed it, but I didn't want to cross it anymore.

"It's not like it matters, she'd never want me," Remus continued. "I'm a monster, and girls like her don't want to be with boys like me."

Girls like me -what did that mean? Why did he call himself a monster? Here was probably one of the best people I've ever met in my entire life. The exact opposite of a monster.

"Mate, don't talk about yourself like that," Peter told him.

"Wormtail's right, you're not a monster," Sirius reassured him. "Plus, you're too wound up all the time, a good shag would really chill you out. Uptight, virgin Remus is starting to get old."

I saw feet appear in front of me before Remus announced, "I'm leaving after that. I have to do rounds tonight, I should go get ready."

I figured the group of them were leaving, but then I heard Sirius sigh as the chair above me shifted. "Jesus, he's so hard to help."

"Huh?" Peter asked, confusion clear in his voice. "Also, when did we plan to prank Thea?"

He sighed before replying, "We didn't because I didn't prank her, she just thought I did. I figured that was the best answer for everyone involved so I went with it. Except for maybe her."

What the hell did that mean? If it wasn't a prank, what was Sirius trying to do? This recon mission was taking a very interesting turn I didn't expect.

"I told you and Prongs about it over the summer," he replied. When Peter was still confused, Sirius continued, "Thea tried to hook up with me last year, but I turned her down because of Moony. We all know he'll never make a move because of his furry complex, so I made a plan to manipulate the situation a little bit."

I was pretty close to deciphering what he was saying, but Peter beat me to the punch. "You flirted with Thea to make Remus jealous enough to make a move?"

"Look who's all caught up," Sirius snorted, the chair squeaking as he got up and their footsteps faded away.

So much was just revealed, my head was practically bursting with information. When Lacey gave the all clear we hurried back to our common room and Lacey answered the riddle quickly. The knocker didn't question why there was no face attached to the voice or why there was a fox in the castle. As wild as it sounds, I'm sure the knocker has seen things a lot weirder than this. Or it saw right through our façade and knew who we were. In this castle, either was a viable option.

Once we were stashed away in my bed with the curtains drawn and a silencing charm cast around it, we started gushing. I was wearing flannel pajama pants and a tank top while she wore a nightgown. We'd changed in a rush so it was on backward, but that wasn't the topic of conversation.

"Holy shit!" she shrieked with big eyes.

"I don't even know where to begin," I agreed, my heart pounding in my chest. "Sirius pretended to like me so Remus would make a move on me because he's had a crush on me since we were second years. And to think we'd just gone to hear if he fancied me a bit."

"It makes sense if you think about it," Lacey said slowly. "Anyone with eyes can see that you're gorgeous, and Sirius' weakness is pretty girls with a bit of sass. If you look in the dictionary for your name, that would be the definition beside it."

I rolled my eyes and hit her with my pillow in exasperation. "This isn't about making me more confident, Lace, this is about Remus' feelings for me and Sirius' blatant manipulation of the situation."

"Let me finish, stubborn!" she cried, hitting me back with the same pillow. "Sirius was being a good mate, he was just a bit misguided. I knew he couldn't be turning you down because he wasn't interested because I've seen him check you out a billion times!"

Everything was slowly starting to move into place. Remus fancied me, that sort of made sense now that I removed myself from the situation. As a Ravenclaw, I shared most of my classes with Hufflepuffs but a few were shared with Gryffindor before OWL and NEWT level classes. In those classes, I'd felt eyes on me before from his direction of the classroom but just thought I was being paranoid.

Then there was the whole potions' partner thing. Not many people would've stayed my partner after I completely ruined one of our assignments and nearly permanently maimed myself. The boy liked me and wanted to be around me, even if I was putting his life in danger every time I lit the flame under my cauldron.

"Okay, that makes a new problem arise," I told her, sitting cross-legged and leaning back against my headboard. "Why did he call himself a monster?"

"Maybe he's just self-conscious about something…" Lacey suggested. "He wants to keep you at arm's reach and calling himself that makes it easier. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him with a girl or boy on his arm in our six years here."

She was right, I'd never seen Remus even talk to a female unless he was tutoring them or partnered with them in class. He could just keep his romances private or he could be gay, but something told me it was more than that. I'd heard his voice when he talked about being a monster and never making a move with me because of it. There was something lying just under the surface that made me question his motives.

"Tonight has been too much, I need to sleep before my brain explodes," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Thanks for helping me, even if it didn't do much more than confuse me. I'm still pissed at Sirius for being a manipulative ass. The only thing that's different is I know Remus has feeling for me and that just makes things infinitely more complicated."

She laughed and leaned forward, hugging me before heading over to her own bed for the night. I had double transfigurations tomorrow as well as astronomy tomorrow night. It was going to be a busy day and I already knew I was going to be distracted for most of it. McGonagall would no doubt dock points, I didn't need to be good at divination to see that.

* * *

 **We finally have the main plot laid our! I hope you enjoyed it!**

 **Leave me a review, please!**


	8. Chapter 8

**This chapter was really fun to write! Remus and Thea's relationship is playful and interesting, I hope y'all agree.**

* * *

I had Potions the next morning with Remus and I was freaking out. The entire walk down to breakfast, I was talking to Lacey about everything. My heart pounding against my ribs rapidly.

"How am I supposed to look at him now I know he fancies me?!" I asked in a whisper.

"The exact same way… except maybe a little more in detail now," she replied easily. "See if he's someone you could fancy. He's kind of cute, if you're into guys who look like they're on drugs and need a good sleep."

I hit her shoulder as I laughed. "That is _so_ inappropriate!"

We sat together at the Ravenclaw table, me buttering some toast and her getting some porridge. "I have a follow up question now. How do I look Sirius in the face again?"

"With a sassy look and a flip of your hair," she told me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Don't let him know he phased you at all because he honestly didn't. You know he thinks you're totally peng, he just couldn't shag you because one of his best mates is into you."

There was still a small part of me that wondered if I was as attractive as I'd originally thought. I knew it was stupid, but I couldn't shake it. Even if I knew why Sirius turned me down, it didn't make me feel much better. Rejection had a tendency to hamper even the most confident of people.

"I guess you're right," I finally said, eating my toast. "I'm just going to act like nothing's changed and not even acknowledge how much of a dunderhead Sirius Black is."

"It's pretty easy," Lily told us as she passed behind the Ravenclaw table with Dorcas and a few of her other roommates. "I've been doing it for years."

Dorcas kissed Lacey happily, making her cheeks dust pink, before following the other girls over to the Gryffindor table. I 'awed' and she punched me in the arm, but her face stayed pink for a few more minutes. They were so cute!

"I'm really glad you're happy, Lace," I told her, finishing off my juice.

She let out a dopey sigh and said, "I didn't think it was going to happen at Hogwarts. Too many girls are afraid to come out. And I get it, but it's kind of heartbreaking, ya know? I'm so happy there's someone who cares enough about me to go public."

I hugged her because I didn't know what words to say. She was being so vulnerable, I had to show her I understood. Which I didn't on a personal level because I'm straight, but I did on a friendship level because we'd been friends for so long. I'd seen how much it hurt her when girls wanted to hook up in broom cupboards and dark classrooms but didn't want to hold her hand in the hallways.

"You deserve to feel this way all the time," I promised after we pulled away from each other. "I hope the rest of your life feels like this."

When we parted ways for class, I drug my feet the entire way to the dungeons. Remus was already sitting in his regular seat and I could hear James and Sirius hooting from the door. I'd almost forgot they were in the class at all. I guess Peter didn't get high enough O.W.L. marks to take it.

"Good morning," he smiled as I sat down in the chair beside his. "You look better than the last time I saw you."

I thought back to when that was and winced. "Yeah, I seem to look better when I'm not running away from assholes."

"That's fair enough," he agreed, his smile still present. "I know it's not my place, but I'm sorry he treated you so poorly. None of us were in on his little prank, I swear."

He was looking at me with big, caramel eyes and I felt my heart swell. There was something so endearing about his face, something that made me want to believe anything he ever told me. I don't know what it was, but something said he'd never lie to me unless he had an exceptionally good reason. Sirius also told Peter last night there was no prank, but I couldn't tell Remus that without revealing where I was last night.

I reached over and placed my hand over his on the table reassuringly. "I didn't think you were."

"Ah, would you look at that, boys? The slut's moved on to another boy," Rosier drawled, making me roll my eyes. "What's your goal, Hathaway? To shag the entire group of them or to shag all of Gryffindor?"

Fire ignited in my belly, I wasn't going to back down. "Why does it matter to you? You're not on the list, neither are your slimy little friends."

"So, you admit there is a list?" he kept on.

Not losing my cool demeanor, I continued. "It wouldn't matter because, as I just stated, you're not on it. I have morals and I have taste."

I thought back to Sirius and realized that wasn't exactly true. He was a shitty person, but he was really hot. Maybe my morals weren't the best, but my taste was spot on. He and Gideon Prewett were both fit.

"Yeah, a taste of almost every boy in school," he replied, making his idiot friends laugh.

I rolled my eyes again and crossed my legs under the table. "We keep talking in circles, Rosier. I understand why you and your gaggle of oafs had to charm my ingredients to do better than me on that Potion now."

"Pretty and smart," he replied, nonplussed about my accusation. "Too bad you're a disobedient slut who loves mudbloods too much or you'd be a real catch… You're even a good shag according to Zabini."

My sassy response evaporated and was replaced with confusion. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't play dumb, everyone knows you sucked him off in a broom closet last year," Rosier sneered. Then his eyes flashed over to Remus and he replied, "Just tell her she's pretty and she'll be on her knees for you, half breed."

"I seriously have no idea what you're talking about. I've never done anything with a Slytherin, I just said I had good taste," I replied, trying to regain control of the situation. "Now, run along with your little friends."

"Don't act innocent, Hathaway, it's pretty well known around the dungeons that you sucked off the entire Quidditch team after they won the Cup last year," Rosier continued as if I hadn't spoken. "Had them stand in a line, pricks out, and you begged to have their cocks in your mouth."

"That's enough! Sod off, you pricks!" Remus finally spoke, his eyes blazing when I glanced over at him.

They continued chuckling as they made their way over to their own table. Slughorn came in soon after that and started lecturing about Felix Felicis, giving me time to think over what just happened. It'd be a lie if I said I wasn't bothered by the entirety of Slytherin house thinking I'd hooked up with a bunch of people.

I'd never even given a blowjob before, I was always too freaked out by them. The only person I'd ever shagged was Gideon, and we'd only done it a handful of times. It wasn't that great, but I didn't want to be a virgin anymore. There's no way he bragged about me to anyone other than Fabian, he was too noble for that.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked quietly once we were alone.

I took a breath before replying, "Yes, and I can fight my own battles, you know? I don't need to you step in and save me."

Instead of being put off by my bitchiness, he licked his lips and smirked over at me demurely. I'd never seen him as more than cute, except for the party, but right now he was almost _sexy_ with the way he was looking at me. Without thinking I bit my bottom lip and looked at him from under my lashes. Even looking exhausted, he was one of the most attractive boys I'd ever seen -why was I so obsessed with shagging Sirius again?

"Trust me, I know that," he replied finally before looking at Slughorn.

Class was almost over when I spoke to Remus again. "They're lying, I didn't do any of those things. I've only had sex with one person a couple times over the summer, and he definitely wasn't a Slytherin."

I don't know why I said that, I just knew I didn't want him to think badly of me. Even if I didn't quite fancy him, his opinion mattered to me for some reason. If he'd been any other boy, I wouldn't have defended myself at all. Yet, something about him thinking I was blowing tons of guys made my stomach curdle. Don't get me wrong, I knew women could do whatever and whoever they wanted, I just didn't want people to think I did…

"It wouldn't matter if you did, it's your business," he replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "You're not defined by your sexual history, Thea."

I just looked at him for a second, completely dumbfounded by his response. I'd never talked to a guy who didn't care about a girl's sexual history. It seemed to be all they cared about. Then I remembered Sirius saying he was a virgin and realized he was probably talking about himself. He thought I'd judge him for not having sex.

"That's cool," I told him. "Most people are obsessed with sex and who's having it, it's refreshing to meet someone who doesn't mind."

His cheeks dusted pink, making the scar through his eyebrow and down his cheek stand out against his skin. Even though I thoroughly enjoyed looking at him, Remus Lupin was attractive for more than that. It was like something poured off him, it was gently and kind in a way I didn't know guys could be.

"Do you want to do homework together tonight?" I asked suddenly, taking us both by surprise. "I mean, unless you're busy or something, which I'm sure you are. Never mind, it's fine."

What the hell was that? I'm not nervous around people, I'm confident even in the face of ridicule… except from Sirius Black, but that was different. I was usually confident around Remus, but not this time. Was I still wounded over Sirius' rejection or was it something else?

"No, I'd really like that," he replied, silencing my inner turmoil. "Do you want to head to the library together after dinner?"

I nodded and smiled happily. "That sounds good to me."

* * *

"This isn't a date!" I shrieked as Lacey tried to charm more curls into my hair before dinner. "I'm just doing homework with the guy."

"Yes, with the guy that fancies you!" she replied like it was the easiest thing in the world. "I know you're not sure about your feelings for him yet, but I can also see it behind your eyes that you're interested."

"He just treats me differently than any boy ever has. I'm more than just boobs, hips, and ass to him, ya know?" I asked dreamily. "He thinks I'm smart and interesting and beautiful, in that order."

"Does the order matter?" she replied.

"Very much," I told her biting my lip. "We'd better head down to dinner before we're late."

I grabbed my bag from beside my bed and headed down to the Great Hall with Lacey's arm linked through mine. We sat with Jalyn, Marissa, Heidi, Mandy, and Pinka -the girls we shared a dorm with. They didn't really talk to us much, but that was fine. It was just nice to have people to share your dinner with -and beat sitting alone.

"So, are you and that Meadows girl going out again?" Heidi asked, trying to include us in their conversation for some reason.

"Oi, you're a dyke, Martin?" Phil Taylor, a fifth year Ravenclaw, shouted from a little way down the table. "That's hot!"

"Fuck off, Neanderthal," I shouted back, making people chuckle at him. "She obviously doesn't care what you think's hot, idiot. She's gay, moron, your opinion means nothing!"

Lacey smiled at me defending her before answering Heidi's question. "Yeah, I think we're meeting up after dinner."

"How sweet!" Marissa cooed, making me raise a brow at her.

"Not to be an ass or anything, but why are you guys talking to us?" I asked bluntly.

"Some Slytherin boys are saying nasty things about you and we want you to know we're your friends," Jalen sighed. "Even if you're weird and break all the rules, we still like you. Plus, we should stick together, us girls."

"Wow, J, we're flattered," Lacey grinned.

"It's not true, by the way," I told them with a shrug. "I've never hooked up with a Slytherin, I have taste and morals."

That made everyone within hearing distance of me at the table laugh. Warmth filled me at their response, they didn't think I'd done it. Loyalty was usually considered a Gryffindor thing, but eagles were also fiercely loyal to each other.

When we finished eating, I saw Remus waiting for me at the door and my heart did a weird flip in my chest. I needed to figure out if I liked him or if I liked that he liked me. After Sirius, I might just have appreciated that someone wanted me.

I voiced that out loud to Lacey as we walked toward the exit together and she said, "Figure it out, something tells me he'd love to help you with that. He's practically bouncing."

She was right, he was trying to look indifferent as he leaned back against the wall and failing. I could see how alight his eyes were and how he was shifting from foot to foot. When he saw me, his smile stretched his lips and made one of my own appear on my face.

"Hey," he greeted, falling into step on my other side. "Hello, Lacey."

"Sup, Lupin?" she greeted, saluting him goofily. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lady to shag in a closet somewhere. Have fun, kids."

I snorted at her and hugged her before heading up to the library with Remus. "So, she and Dorcas are really together?"

I nodded and asked, "Does that bother you?"

"Merlin, no! I was just talking with the guys about it and they thought I was loony," he replied quickly. "They think Lacey's too hot to be gay."

"How ignorant," I sighed, holding the strap of my bag as a group of Hufflepuffs rushed past us and nearly knocked it off my shoulder. "Gay girls don't always have buzz cuts and chain wallets, sometimes they wear designer shoes and eyeliner."

"That's what I told them, basically," he told me, making me smile internally.

"How very open-minded of you, Lupin," I exclaimed, bumping his arm with my shoulder -jeez, he was tall.

"People can't help the way they're born or things that happen without their permission," he said seriously, holding the library door open for me. "It's ignorant to think otherwise."

"Well said," I grinned, leading the way over to his usual table. "So, what's your poison tonight? Whose parchments are you grinding out?"

"Flitwick," he sighed dejectedly. "I'm bollocks at water spells."

"Ah, finally a chink in your armor," I giggled.

"Yes, because my utter knack for burning every single potion I try to brew is astounding," he retorted, making me snort. "I'm serious, that's a trait every wizard spends their life trying to perfect."

I was laughing out loud at that point, covering my mouth to keep them quiet. The last thing I wanted was for Pince to kick us out. I'd never realized how funny he was, it was endearing.

"Merlin, Remus, I never realized how funny you were," I gasped during a break in my chuckles. "Good on you."

"I can't just be a pretty face, some of us also have to have a sense of humor," he replied with a twinkle in his eye. "Not that you'd know or anything."

"Are you saying I'm not pretty or not funny? Because both are offensive," I replied, my laughter still clear in my voice.

"I mean, isn't it a muggle saying, 'if the shoe fits' or something like that," he told me, his eyes still glittering in the dim light overhead. "Better put it back on, Cinderella."

I scrunched up my nose and looked at him curiously. "You know I'm a pureblood, right? I have no idea what you're talking about."

He thought my ignorance was endlessly funny apparently, judging by the laughter that followed my question. I don't think I'd ever seen him laugh this much; he looked really nice when he laughed. Even if he looked like he was lacking a good night's sleep, the laughter seemed genuine.

"It's a fairy tale, muggle parents read them to their kids as bedtime stories," he explained. "Cinderella is a girl who goes to a ball, dances with a prince, and runs away before midnight so the spell making her look like a princess doesn't wear off while she's at the party. During her dash, she loses one of her shoes -thus the joke makes sense.

"'If the shoe fits' means that if what someone says applies to you, it just kind of does," he finished lamely.

"Muggle stories are weird," I told him.

"Don't wizards have a bedtime story about giants eating little children?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Touché."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! As always, leave a review and tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, and things you hope to see in the future!**


	9. Chapter 9

**This story took a turn I wasn't expecting, but I think it flows well enough.**

 **Also, there's basically a TRIGGER WARNING for this entire chapter.**

* * *

I was out in the greenhouse working on breaking open the last of my Snargaluff Pods. Classes were long over, but I convinced Professor Beery to let me stay and finish. I was in the middle of squeezing out the tubers when I heard the door of the greenhouse open. I figured it was Lacey coming to drag me to dinner, but it ended up being Rosier and a couple of his cronies.

"What? I'm sort of busy here," I told him, turning to face the group of them with my arms crossed over my chest in annoyance.

"We want our turn, Hathaway," he grinned. "You've blown everyone else in our house, we want ours."

"Go to hell," I replied, closing the lid of my container and shoving it in my bag before grabbing my wand.

At least I tried to grab my wand, but it wasn't sitting on the table anymore. I looked around, trying to be subtle so they didn't know I'd lost it. The last thing I needed was for them to know I was unarmed and a little freaked out.

"Looking for this?" Bertram Aubrey asked, dangling my holly wand from the tips of his beefy fingers. "To be a Ravenclaw, you're pretty dim."

If the situation had been different, I would've laughed at how funny that was. Bertram Aubrey calling me dim! Like he wasn't a blundering numskull who'd lose his head if it wasn't attached to his shoulders. Unfortunately, right now I was defenseless and they were all armed so the last thing I needed to do was provoke them.

"Whatever, give me my wand back and leave me alone," I replied, trying to make my voice steady and not reveal I was afraid.

"Would you look at that, boys? She's a metamorphmagus!" Rosier sneered, reaching forward and lifting my white hair.

I jerked out of his embrace and made a grab for my wand, only for Wilkes to slam his elbow into my jaw and grab my arm. He wrenched it behind my back and rendered me immobile. If I tried to get out of his grip, he just tightened it until my shoulder felt like it was going to come out of the socket if I moved a half inch more. The side of my face was aching and I tasted blood in my mouth, but that was the last thing on my mind.

"Not so mouthy when you don't have a wand or a crowd," Rosier taunted, reaching up and tugging my white hair. "Can you do anything else? Make your tits bigger or your mouth roomier? Maybe fit two of us in there at once so this goes faster?"

There was no way I could return my hair to normal no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't concentrate on it, I was too scared. When Wilkes used his grip to force me to my knees, Rosier started undoing his trousers. My heart was pounding in my throat and I felt my entire body start shaking.

"Let me go, I don't want to do this," I said, trying to regain some sense of control.

Instead of answering, Wilkes grabbed my other wrist and Rosier took himself out of his pants. The disgusting prat was already half-hard, making bile rise to the back of my throat. He reached forward and knotted his fingers in my hair, pushing me towards his groin. The skin of it had just brushed my lips when I heard the greenhouse door open again.

"Lacey told me to come find you like I'm your personal errand boy or somethi- what's going on?" Remus demanded, his voice going from lighthearted to terrifying in seconds. "Get away from her!"

Rosier tucked himself away and I reared my head as far back as I could when he released my hair. Wilkes dropped my arms and I fell to the dirt floor, curling in on myself. Harsh words were exchanged before I heard a bunch of spells being shouted all at once. I forced myself to open my eyes as I heard someone running over to me.

"Thea! Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" Remus said at once, reaching forward and freezing a couple inches from touching me. "You probably don't want me to touch you right now."

I shook my head and launched myself at him, wrapping my entire body around his as he fell to his butt. I tried to stop it but tears started pouring down my cheeks, wetting the collar of Remus' school shirt. I was clutching onto him so tightly, I didn't know if the boy could breathe.

He brushed my hair over my shoulders and rubbed his hands along my back for a few minutes before he spoke, "We need to go tell Dumbledore what happened."

I pulled back from him quickly, my eyes huge as I blurted, "No! I don't want to tell anyone this happened! I don't want anyone to know!"

He reached up to brush my hair out of my eyes and I flinched, remembering Rosier pulling on it. I watched him drop his hand back to the ground and felt guilt settle in the pit of my stomach.

"What did they do?" he asked a quiet voice, his hazel eyes holding mine.

I sucked in a calming breath and shrieked when I heard the door opening for a third time, burying my face in Remus' neck. "We're over here, Prongs."

"What the hell happened here? Are you bleeding, Moony?" he asked, his feet hitting the ground as he ran over to the two of us. "Thea, why are you crying? Why are those three frozen?"

I pulled back when I heard him say Remus was bleeding and realized there was a pretty big cut on his shoulder. I whimpered and reached out to check it, but it wasn't bleeding too badly. There was also a bruise forming on his cheek I didn't notice before either.

"I'm fine, we need to get them to Dumbledore," he replied, reaching out slowly and touching my waist. "We need to get up so I can take you inside, okay?"

I nodded numbly and shuffled off his lap, allowing him to stand before pulling me to my feet. One glance at the three frozen boys on the ground had me moving back to his side and attaching myself there. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and held me close, taking my bag and putting it on his unwounded shoulder.

" _Wingardium Leviosa!_ "

The two of them somehow floated the three Slytherin boys into the castle and to McGonagall's office. I hadn't moved from Remus' side, but I felt my wrists start burning as my adrenaline faded. When I looked down at them, I saw dark red handprints around both. Wilkes was holding me very tightly it seemed.

"I'll kill them all," Remus hissed, making me finch and him immediately apologize. "I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to frighten you."

"Potter? What are you doing at my office instead after curf- why are those boys frozen and floating?" she asked in a tight voice. Then she noticed me and asked, "Miss Hathaway, are you okay?"

"No," I squeaked, feeling my eyes start burning again.

Her jaw set and her lips tightened into a hard line. "Potter, help me float them to see the Headmaster. Miss Hathaway, come with me."

I did as she instructed and basically let Remus walk for the both of us. My jaw was starting to throb and I felt my bottom lip doing the same. My mouth felt dirty and I wanted to vomit, his _thing_ had touched me.

"Chocolate frogs," McGonagall said, making the wall vanish and reveal a staircase.

We all got inside and I felt the floor spinning to reveal an office I'd never seen before. I saw Professor Dumbledore sitting behind a desk with a phoenix sleeping on a perch beside him. I watched Dumbledore take in the scene before him slowly.

"What's wrong?" he asked, eyeing me. "Miss Hathaway, are you okay?"

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Lupin, you may go," Professor McGonagall said, lowering the three boys to the ground as they regained their mobility and started throwing out excuses. "You three will be silent or I will dock a hundred points each from your house."

They were quiet, but I refused to release my hold on Remus. "Professor, I don't want him to go. Please!"

She must've had some sort of idea about what had transpired because she reluctantly agreed. James took my bag and promised to tell Lacey where I was before he disappeared as Slughorn entered.

"Horace, take your students and keep them in your office," Dumbledore instructed in an even voice. "I fear they've done something terrible."

Slughorn did as Dumbledore told him but looked confused. He also had an unidentifiable stain on the top of his robes, he'd probably just came from dinner. As I was looking at him, I ended up catching Rosier's eye and flinched. They were so cold and he looked ready to kill so I turned my back and pressed my forehead against Remus' neck.

Once it was just the four of us in the office, Dumbledore instructed us to sit down. I kept Remus' hand securely in both mine as I waited for him to ask the question I really didn't want to answer.

"What happened in the greenhouse, Miss Hathaway?" Dumbledore asked with Professor McGonagall sitting in a chair beside him.

I felt my throat closing as my tears gathered in my eyes. I didn't want to talk about it or think about it ever again. I just wanted to go shut my curtains around my bed, preferably with Remus inside them with me, and cry.

"T, it's okay," Remus told me quietly, his eyes sincere. "You're safe here, nothing can hurt you, love."

He was right, there was no place safer than Dumbledore's office with McGonagall there, too. I was about to start speaking when the door of his office pushed open and Professor Flitwick joined us, standing on a pile of hastily stacked books.

"I was out in the greenhouse working on some last-minute stuff for Professor Beery when the three of them came in. They'd already said some nasty things to me before," I started, Remus squeezing my hands reassuringly.

"What kinds of things?" McGonagall asked, her face still stern.

I swallowed down the bile rising before I answered, "That'd I'd performed oral sex on the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team and a lot of Slytherin House, but I didn't!"

McGonagall winced and I saw Dumbledore's eyes turn stormy. "That doesn't matter, no one should speak to you that way. Please continue with what events transpired tonight."

I looked down at Remus' scarred hand in both of mine and continued where I'd left off. "They started talking about it again except they were more forceful this time because I was alone, Remus was with me when they first said it and we were in the library. I tried to get my wand, but Bertram had it and refused to give it back. When I reached for it, Wilkes elbowed me in the face and grabbed my arm. The way he held it made it impossible to get free without dislocating my shoulder so I stayed still."

The story was going to get really bad really soon and I felt my words freezing in my throat. Remus ran his thumb over my knuckles soothingly, but his eyes were blazing when I looked up at him. The second his met mine, they calmed and I felt safety wash over me.

"Uhm, Wilkes used his hold on my arm to force me to my knees on the ground and Rosier started teasing me about being a metamorphmagus. He asked if I could make my chest bigger or my mouth roomier so two of them could be inside it at the same time." I felt my stomach flip over on itself when I said that and shame flooded me. "Rosier was undoing his trousers and Wilkes had both my wrists pinned behind my back so I couldn't move. Uhm, he exposed himself and took my hair in his hands to force me forward until it touched my lips even when I kept saying I didn't want to. Then Remus came in and I sort of go blank after that."

Remus was talking in a tight voice, explaining what he saw when he walked in and how he reacted. I was trying to listen, but my stomach was churning too much to focus. Like she'd seen in on my face, Professor McGonagall grabbed a bin and sat it in front me right before I emptied my stomach contents into it. I felt Remus gather my hair out of my face as even more tears fell and I threw up again.

Once I'd leaned back into my seat, Professor McGonagall handed me a glass of water and I accepted it gratefully. It felt wonderful on my parched throat and I drained it, but it settled on my stomach uncomfortably. I cast a cleansing charm on my mouth before sitting back in my seat with Remus' hand back in mine.

"Mr. Lupin, can you take Miss Hathaway to see Madam Pomfrey?" Dumbledore asked. After he nodded, he continued, "Miss Hathaway, don't worry. They proper party will be punished."

I just nodded meekly and allowed Remus to lead me out of the office. "I'm sorry, I'm probably crowding you and freaking you out. We've just become friends and I won't let you go."

I forced myself to let go of him and put some space between us. A prickle of fear licked along my spine, but I kept the distance there. It didn't matter if he fancied me, I was probably freaking him out and making him rethink everything.

"No!" he replied quickly, reaching back out for me to walk into his arms. "I'm not freaked out or angry, at you anyway. Honestly, the only thing keeping me from going and finding them is that you need me."

His eyes softened and I knew he was telling the truth, making me move back into his arms easily. He hugged me and I let out a relieved sigh as the fear slowly ebbed. Eventually, we went to the Infirmary Wing and Madam Pomfrey fussed over me and Remus' arm.

Dumbledore must've told her what happened because she didn't ask questions. She just made sure I wasn't in pain before handing me a Dreamless Sleep potion. I pocketed it and left with Remus' hand still tucked in mine.

"I really don't want to be by myself," I admitted as we left the wing together. "I'm so pathetic, I know."

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and asked, "Do you want to come with me? I don't know about Ravenclaw Tower, but boys can't get up the girls' dormitory staircase in our common room."

I nodded without really listening and allowed him to lead me to his common room. I had my head tucked into the space between his neck and shoulder. He said the password and helped me inside only for me to get bombarded by someone.

I wanted to scream, but then I recognized Lacey's hair. I started bawling and held onto her tight with her holding me just as fiercely. Eventually, we ended up on a couch with Lily and Dorcas as the Marauders were crowded around a chair near the couch.

Once they were content I wasn't going to disappear in the middle of the night, Dorcas and Lily headed upstairs while the Marauders went up another. Well, they tried, but I wouldn't let go of Remus so he could follow.

"Nothing's going to hurt you in here, love," he promised, crouching in front of me with both his hands tucked in mine. "I'll be upstairs, come find me when you two are finished."

He kissed my forehead before leaving the two of us alone in the room lit by only firelight. Once I opened my mouth, everything poured out. Lacey was sobbing by the end and I was crying with her, letting her hold me close and rock me.

"James said Remus looked murderous when he found the two of you," she told me once we'd stopped crying. "He thought he'd have to pull him off the assholes, but then he saw you and it was over. He just cared about getting to you."

"I'm going to stay with him tonight," I told her in a rough voice.

She kissed the side of my head before standing up and pulling me with her. "I'm going to be up with Dorcas if you need me, okay?"

I nodded and hugged her one final time before climbing the stairs to find Remus' room. I didn't miss how Lacey watched until I disappeared around the corner. I found the door labeled "Sixth Years" and opened it slowly. The lights were off and Remus was sitting on the corner of his bed, the room lit by only moonlight streaming through the windows. The curtains were drawn around the other beds and I figured they were all sleeping

"I got some clothes for you to change into," he whispered, handing me a stack. "The bathroom's right there."

I grabbed his hand in one of mine and held the clothes in the other. "I want to shower really fast. I feel gross."

He nodded and let go of my hand. "I'll be right here when you're finished."

I nodded and went into the small room, shutting the door behind me and flicking the light on. I looked in the mirror and saw that I looked like a total disaster. My mascara was running down my face and my eyes were red, there was a huge bruise forming on the side of my face and my lip was busted. My hair was a wreck all around my head and looked knotted.

I sat the clothes on the edge of the sink and started taking off my clothes. My robes were covered in dirt and the knee of my sock was ripped, making tears gather in my eyes again. Both my knees were dirty and one was bloody, I must've hit a rock when they forced me down. I took everything else off and turned on the water in the shower. I grabbed the potion and sat it on the counter before getting in.

The warm water washed the dirt and blood off me, but I still felt dirty. I don't think I would ever feel the same again. My scalp ached from how tight he held my hair and my arms were aching. Whatever Madam Pomfrey did must be fading.

I used the nearest soap and scrubbed my body until it was pink. Then I washed the knots out of my hair before I sat down on the floor of the shower. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hid my face behind them. The entire school was going to know what happened by tomorrow and everyone would think it was my fault. I was going to be the laughingstock more than I already was after the party.

I got out a little while later, drying myself off with a charm and brushing my hair with a brush I saw on the counter. I figured it was either James' or Sirius' and they wouldn't mind. I had to roll up the joggers Remus gave me because they were too long and his shirt hit midthigh, but they were extremely comfortable.

I came back out into the dark room and laid my clothes on the floor, sitting the potion on the side table. Remus turned down the covers and let me get in first before getting in on the other. He'd changed into pajamas of his own, I noticed as he closed the curtains and put a silencing charm around us.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly, looking at me.

"Were you really going to kill them?" I asked, chewing my lip and wincing when I hit the split part.

He ran a hand through his hair nervously and worried his own lip. "I'm not proud, violence shouldn't be answered with violence. I should've immediately focused on helping you."

I moved closer to him and pulled his arms around me, melding myself to his form. "I'm just glad you showed up. I don't want to think about what would've happened if you didn't."

I felt his entire body tense up and knew he was thinking about it, too. I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, soothing him making my anxiety calm. When he rubbed his hand up and down my back, I knew he was doing it for himself as much as for me.

He made a noise before reaching out and coming back with a vial in his hands. "You need to take this so you can sleep."

I just nodded and took it in one swallow, handing him back the empty container. Once he'd come back, he rolled onto his back and pulled me close. The last thing I remember was the steady beat of his heart and the feel of his breath fluttering my hair before I lost consciousness.

* * *

 **If you know anyone who has experienced sexual violence or if you yourself has experienced it, know it's not your fault.**

 **HOPE is a service that will talk with you and help give you resources.**

 **Call: 800-656-4673 for a trained professional.**


	10. Chapter 10

**This is a fluffy, filler chapter after the intense one previous.**

 **Also, there is a point of view shift. They won't happen often, but I feel like they're necessary to see what Remus is thinking sometimes.**

* * *

 **Thea's Point of View**

I woke up the next morning in an unfamiliar room with a hazy mind. When I felt the bed start moving, I freaked out and sat straight up. The events of last night started coming back and tears burned my eyes. A timid hand touched my back and made me jump, turning around to find Remus looking up at me with guarded eyes.

I immediately burrowed back into the bed and hid my face against his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I'm probably wearing out my welcome."

He ignored my statement and brushed my hair over my shoulders before rubbing soothing circles into my back. "Not possible."

I laughed humorlessly and pulled back enough to look at his face. "How are you the best person I've ever met?"

"That is definitely not accurate, but I appreciate you saying it," he smiled, making my heart thump. "Do you want to talk about last night now or do you want me to piss off?"

I swallowed thickly and moved back to rest my head on his pillow, the two of us on our sides and facing each other. "I can still feel it touching my lips and I feel disgusting. I hate that you have to touch me actually."

I laughed wetly when I said that and diverted my eyes to the curtains around his bed instead of his face. He was too good and pure, I was dirtying that right up with my mere presence. I felt him go rigid and risked a peek at his face, wincing when I saw the unadulterated anger present within the depths of his eyes.

I reached out and straightened his brow, rubbing my fingers across the scarred skin of his cheek until the frown went away, and chewing my lip nervously when I let my hand drop. I had no idea what to say and he wasn't talking so we laid together in silence for a while. Me talking about it must've been the final thing, I'd broken him.

"I'm just going to go get dressed for class," I told him blankly.

"Don't go!" he said suddenly, making me freeze in mid-sit up position. "I'm not angry with you, I'm angry at those disgusting wasted chromosomes."

That was such a weird insult it made me giggle, slowly laying back down beside him. It was his turn to reach out and brush his fingers over my bruised jaw tenderly. Even if it kind of hurt, it was nice to be touched so softly after how roughly I'd been touched last night.

"It wasn't your fault, you know that right?" he asked after a few minutes passed. "You did nothing to cause this and you have every right to feel however you'd like."

"I'm sore and disgusted with myself," I told him, tears coursing down my face like they belonged there. "I want new skin they haven't touched. I want new eyes that didn't see how hard Rosier got from hurting me. I want to be able to walk through the castle and feel safe again. I'm not going to get any of those things."

He pulled me to his chest, holding me as I promptly fell apart for what felt like the millionth time. I wanted to stop crying, I wanted to stop feeling so feeble and broken. I held him tightly, pressing my face against his shoulder. He was the only thing holding me together, I felt like if he let me go I was going to completely disintegrate.

"Vix? Are you up here?" Lacey's voice asked from outside the curtains. "I brought you guys something from lunch."

I pulled back from Remus' chest to raise my brows and ask, "What time is it?"

"Time for you to let me in there and talk to me," Lacey replied, crawling into Remus' bed with a couple sandwiches in her hand. "I also have a jug of pumpkin juice Potter nicked for you in my bag."

I sat up slowly and let go of Remus so he could get the juice. The second he was gone, Lacey sat the sandwiches on the duvet and hugged me. I hugged her back, wincing a little when her knee pressed against mine. She pulled back immediately and raised her brows.

Remus had just come back with the jug of juice when I pulled up my pant leg to show them my knees. They looked even worse this morning and I felt shame bubbling in my belly. I looked like I gave head for a living, but I had no idea if I was ever going to be able to do it. The thought made me want to vomit.

"T," Lacey's voice was thick with tears, but I couldn't look at her. "I'll kill them and make it look like an accident. I'm smart enough to disguise it and have Lily Evans at my disposal. I'm unstoppable."

"You have all of us, too," Remus told her before biting into his sandwich. "Thanks for this, by the way."

She just nodded before focusing back on me. "You need to eat, you don't look good."

"I was sexually assaulted last night. Excuse me if I'm a bit peaky," I snapped, making Lacey wince. "Jesus, I'm sorry! That wasn't fair! You were just trying to be a good friend and I'm being a right bitch."

"It's okay, honey, I understand," she told me, patting my shin delicately.

Remus made a noise before ducking out of his curtains and coming back with a little brown bottle. He sat his sandwich back on the napkin it'd been smuggled up in before uncapping it and turning to me.

"It's Essence of Dittany, it'll heal your knees," he explained, his calm eyes holding mine. "It'll burn for a second, but it'll be over even faster."

I nodded and watched as he dropped a few drops of amber liquid onto my cut knee. It did burn, but it was over quickly and I watched the skin stitch itself back together. He did the same to the other knee and the scrape healed itself, taking the pain with it.

"Thank you," I told him.

"Lacey's right, you need to eat. You look pale," he said gently, handing me the jug of pumpkin juice. "Or at least drink some of this so you don't get dehydrated."

I slowly did as he said and took my sandwich in my hand, taking small bites after I drank some of the juice. I watched Lacey raise her brows in surprise before covering it quickly and sitting cross-legged at the end of Remus' bed. The two of us were sharing the top of, his free hand resting on my leg as he ate with the other. He knew I'd feel more comfortable with him near me, it was like he could read my mind or something.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lacey asked delicately.

I swallowed with difficulty the mouthful of bread and turkey before I asked, "What all do you know?"

"That Rosier, Wilkes, and Aubrey tried to force themselves on you in a greenhouse," she said quickly. "Lupin came in and hexed them before James got there and you all went to Dumbledore."

I took another bite of my sandwich and chewed it slowly to give myself more time. What was I supposed to say to her? I didn't want to talk about it ever again, I didn't want to _think_ about it ever again. It was Lacey and she deserved to know, after I told her I would never tell anyone else about it.

"I was in the greenhouse by myself when the three of them came in. Rosier was talking about how I've hooked up with everyone and they thought it was their turn. Aubrey took my wand, Wilkes held my wrists and forced me to the ground, and Rosier tried to make me suck him off," I told her quickly so it'd be over faster. "Before it happened, Remus came in and then you know what happened."

I watched her face go from sad to angry back to sad. The sandwich as no longer appealing so I sat it back down and pulled my knees up to my chest with my arms wrapped around them. Remus cleaned up our mess before getting back into his bed with me tucking myself under his arm.

"I got your assignments, but I have to go to get to Diviniations on time," Lacey said a little later, standing up and pulling her shoes back on. Then she turned to Remus and said, "You take care of her."

He nodded and handed me the pumpkin juice, looking at me until I took another drink. Once he was satisfied, he sat it on the floor and vanished all the crumbs from his sheets. We curled back up in them, him watching me closely like he was afraid I'd fall apart in front of his eyes.

When his lips turned up into a smile, it made me mirror it. "You smell like me, ya know? You must've used my soap last night."

 **Remus' Point of View**

She was so fragile and sad, I didn't know how to keep her from falling apart. For some unknown reason, Thea latched onto me and refused to let go. I'd fancied her for almost four years and never imagined she'd ever want to be around me. Then the worst thing possible happened to her and I happened to be there to save her. Me, the savior! How funny was that?

Thea Hathaway was laying in my bed, wearing my clothes, and smelling like me, but there was no way I could enjoy it. She was too sad and too desperate to feel safe for me to do anything with her. I would never try anything when she was this vulnerable, I loved her too much for that.

I didn't lie when I told her I appreciated her holding onto me. I would've gone and found them, my inner wolf ripping them apart with no remorse. I knew that'd hurt Thea even more and it kept me grounded -just barely. I just knew that if she was with me, I couldn't do anything destructive… if it wasn't the full moon. I knew I'd had a hard time convincing the wolf part of me to not track them down when I transformed, but that was something for me and the guys to discuss later.

She told me I was the best person she's ever met and I almost laughed in her face. If the situation would've been different, I probably would have. I turned into a bloody monster who wasn't in control of himself once a month. I'd been known to hurt my best mates whenever I was a werewolf. That wasn't what good people did.

I felt her fingers twisting my shirt as she lay with her head on my shoulder. The last thing I needed was to miss anymore class than I already did, but there was no way I was leaving her alone. Dumbledore himself excused us both for the day, knowing how attached Thea was to me last night in his office.

"They made being a metamorphmagus feel dirty," she whispered in a broken voice during a lull in conversation. "I'm ashamed to change anymore."

Anger boiled in my stomach at that and everything flashed red in the room for a second. Then I felt her heartbeat against my side and knew I couldn't give in to the rage welling inside. Her changing made her who she was and she was ashamed of it. When we were in the library and I saw her hair change for the first time, I felt my stomach flip over itself in a very uncomfortable way. I'd already had my suspicions she was shifting into a fox, it just never occurred to me it could be because she was a metamorphmagus.

"Don't let them ruin that, love," I begged, making her flash her red-ringed eyes up to me. "I love when your hair changes color when you sneeze without realizing it."

Her eyes grew big and she asked, "My hair changes color when I sneeze?"

Shit. I didn't expect her to put me on the spot like that.

"Uhm, it hasn't since we were in third year, but I couldn't figure out if it really happened or if I imagined it because it changed back so quickly," I said honestly. "I've watched you get control over it. It was very impressive."

"You've been watching me that keenly for three years?" she asked, chewing her lip for the millionth time and wincing when it hurt.

I reached for the bottle of dittany and brought it back, thankful for a moment to think. I waited for her to nod before dropping a couple bits onto her lip and watching it heal. After I put the bottle back, I saw her still looking at me and waiting for an answer.

"I've been aware of you since we were twelve," I told her, wheedling as much as possible. "It's kind of impossible not to be."

I didn't want to tell her I was in love with her while she was so hurt. It felt like I was taking advantage of her and that was the last thing I wanted. She was delicate right now, I needed to comfort her and take care of her.

She must've sensed how uncomfortable I was because she let the subject drop. Instead, she leaned back with her head on the pillow instead of on my shoulder and I instantly missed her warmth. Under the cover, our legs were still tangled together and she had a hand resting on my stomach, but it wasn't enough.

"Thank you for saving me," she said, her blue eyes holding mine solidly.

Jesus Christ, this girl was going to kill me. Instead of answering her, I just smiled and brushed her hair out of her face. Her eyes were closing when I noticed her hair changing colors. It went from strawberry blonde to bright, baby pink. Her breathing steadied as she pulled herself closer to me.

What the hell did that mean?

* * *

 **Thanks bunches for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

Unfortunately, I couldn't hide away in Remus' bed with him forever. I spent as long as possible with him before he walked me back to my common room. Without much thought, I wrapped my arms around his middle and kissed his cheek. I thanked him repeatedly until he turned so red I thought he was going to explode on the spot. It was sort of adorable.

Lacey tried her best to act like things were normal when I came back, but I saw her glancing at me a little more than normal while we got ready for bed. I didn't want to yell at her again, I still felt guilty for blowing up on her earlier. I knew she was watching me to make sure I didn't have a total meltdown now that I was on my own without the support of Remus. I appreciated her attention, it showed how much she cared, but it was starting to get suffocating.

When it was finally time to sleep, I could've cried in relief. I loved Lacey, but it was nice to breathe for a few minutes. Unfortunately, it also gave me time to worry about everything. Dumbledore found me after Remus and I left his dorm to grab some dinner from the kitchens. He told me the Ministry needed more proof to charge the three of them with sexual assault, but they were being watched. Slytherin also got docked 100 points in response. I had to see the three of them around the castle and hear the crude rumors I'm sure they were going to spread about me with the help of their vapid girl house mates.

Basically, there was nothing he could because the Ministry had his hands tied and I needed to deal with it on my own. The only thing that reassured me was I had a friend in all my classes so I'd never be alone. The thought of Potions tomorrow with all three of them made my stomach flip, even Remus being there didn't make me feel better. Speaking of Remus, I missed him more than I cared to admit, but that wasn't the point.

With all that on my mind, I fell into a fitful sleep that resulted in me having huge bags under my eyes the next morning. My hair was also limp and oily despite my shower so I braided it back and covered up my bags, making it look like nothing happened to me and I was the same person as two days ago. Basically, I was being a complete liar to the world and possibly to myself.

Lacey linked our arms and we headed to the Great Hall together while our roommates looked at me out of the corner of their eyes when I walked past. They'd already heard rumors and were trying to decipher if there was any truth to them. I needed to get used to that look, I'm sure it'd be flashed at me more than a couple times before today was over.

I knew it was stupid and untrue, but I felt like every single eye in the Great Hall was on me the second Lacey and I walked in. My eyes were starting to burn with anxiety-induced tears when they landed on Remus. He was sitting at the Gryffindor table with the other Marauders, waving at me happily. His lips turned up into a smile and the tears vanished, a sense of safety enveloping me.

"Can we sit at the Gryffindor table this morning?" I asked Lacey desperately.

She nodded and I tried my best to not run over to him. I ducked down onto the table and slowly felt people looking away. I let out a relieved breath and poured myself some juice, sliding closer to Remus to allow Lacey to sit beside me. I felt Remus rest his hand on my knee and sat up straighter, his warmth soaking into me.

"So, how are you, Hathaway?" James asked as I put eggs and toast onto my plate. "You look better."

I felt Remus shift and James suddenly jolted before he said, "Not that you looked bad the other day! You just look like you slept well."

I rolled my eyes and told him, "Yeah, makeup is a wonderful thing."

Thankfully, he started talking to the boys about a prank as I looked over Peter's shoulder to the Slytherin table. Rosier, Aubrey, and Wilkes were all watching me with matching smiles. They weren't a bit sorry for what they did and were rubbing it in my face they got away with it. My stomach flipped and I pushed my uneaten breakfast away, hunching over so Peter was a shield from their probing eyes.

"Hey, are you okay?" Remus asked, eyeing me anxiously.

"I just overestimated how good I felt this morning," I told him, figuring it was easier to keep the real reason to myself.

Even with the little time we'd spent together, he could read me like a book and it was a bit unnerving. "I'm so sorry they're still here and you have to look at them. Dumbledore knows you're telling the truth, but their parents won't let them be expelled. They went over his head to the Ministry and ensured they can't be kicked out without concrete proof of what happened."

I felt myself pale and knew my hair did too, making my stomach fly to my throat. "I hate this. I don't want my hair to change colors anymore."

Remus reached up and pulled the end of my braid over my shoulder, twisting it around his finger before dropping it to rest there. "Don't let them ruin that for you, I think you're pretty with white hair and with pink hair and with strawberry blonde hair."

The pink hair thing made me raise a brow in confusion, nausea momentarily forgotten. "What are you talking about? You've only seen my hair turn white before."

It was his turn to be anxious for once, looking at me with big eyes as he tried to come up with an answer. "Uh, yesterday, when you were napping, it turned pink."

My face slowly started heating up as I broke his intense eye contact and took a drink of my juice. My hair only turned pink when I was infatuated with someone or something. Lacey and I went to a David Cassidy concert last summer and my hair flared pink in the middle of it when I _swore_ he looked at me and winked. Was I infatuated with Remus that much?

"Oh, it happens sometimes whenever I'm emotional," I told him lamely, grabbing my bag and hoisting it onto my shoulder. "I think I'm going to head to class."

"Thea, can I walk with you?" Sirius asked, surprising all of us.

I just nodded dumbly and stood, the two of us meeting up at the end of the table. We fell into an awkward silence that stretched until we were nearing the dungeons. He ran a hand over his face before stopping with me doing the same.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you at the party, it wasn't fair," he blurted. "I think you're gorgeous, but we can't do anything. I should've handled it better, but I was frustrated we couldn't shag when I really want to shag you even though you're off limits. I also sound like a complete prick wrinkle and I'm sorry about that, too."

I felt my brows knitting together as I looked at him before my stomach hit my feet. "Are you only saying this because you think I'm sucking off half the castle and want your turn?"

He blanched and held up his hands in surrender. "Merlin, no! I didn't want you to hate me anymore, plus Remus would have my ass if I didn't apologize."

"Sorry, I'm just on edge about everything," I told him, biting my lip nervously. "I forgive you, I did a while ago actually."

"Careful, Black, she'll suck you off and then go crying to Dumbledore about how you forced her to do it before you can even bust a nut on her face," Rosier sneered from across the hall at us. "And we all know she begged for it."

I didn't have the courage to bite back anymore, I just tried to make myself smaller until he went away. Sirius didn't feel the same, he pulled out his wand and pointed it at Rosier. His eyes were hard steel and his mouth was set in a severe line. He looked deadly.

"Just because you were dumb enough to turn the little slut down doesn't mean you can punish those of us who weren't," Aubrey said, taking attention off his counterpart.

" _Diffindo_!"

" _Entomorphis_!"

I shrieked as sparks flew across the hallway and Sirius was thrown backward. I didn't see who'd been transfigured into an insect, I was too busy trying to stop the bleeding of Sirius' shoulder. I was pressing down, putting as much pressure on it as possible and still feeling the blood seep out from between my fingers.

He hissed and I heard McGonagall shouting down the hall, "What in Godric is happening here?"

"Black turned Rosier into a cockroach!" Aubrey shouted, running up and down the hallway trying to find him while Wilkes was nowhere to be seen.

"Professor!" I cried from beside Sirius. "Sirius is hurt!"

"Miss Hathaway, please take Mr. Black to the Infirmary Wing," she instructed. "I'll inform Professor Slughorn where you are."

She helped me pull him to his feet and I saw him wink at her, even though it took a lot. "Just part of my plan to get you to fall in love with me, Minnie. I know how much you love a damsel in distress."

She looked at him with a displeased expression, but I think I saw the flicker of a smile behind her eyes. I supported Sirius as we hobbled to Madam Pomfrey. She wasn't surprised we were there, but she immediately started fussing at Sirius for being so careless. I didn't miss the way she smiled at him though, it was like he had every girl in this school wrapped around his finger.

She'd given him something to mend the torn tendons of his shoulder and instructed me to watch him while she did some errands. "It's like you're in control of every girl at Hogwarts."

He made moves to brush it off but winced when it pulled at his healing shoulder. "One of the perks of being devastatingly good looking. You should know."

I frowned and pulled my robes tighter around me. "No, it's different for girls. If we don't put out, boys start rumors that we did. If we do put out, they tell their friends and it gets around school like wildfire. There is no middle ground. And sometimes being pretty makes you a target for really awful boys and their grabby hands."

"Blimey, I didn't even think before I said anything. I'm sorry for being a prick wrinkle, again," he told me quickly. "Merlin, you have a way of bringing a man to his knees, ya know that?"

I furrowed my brows and looked at him in mock-disbelief, mostly just poking fun at him now. "Godric, that wasn't what I meant! I don't know what to say! Please say something so I shut up and stop babbling!"

"I never thought I'd see the day a girl made Mr. Black nervous," Madam Pomfrey said, announcing her presence.

That made me snort and cross a leg over the other as I smirked, feeling like myself for the first time since the incident. "You and me both, Madam Pomfrey. It's kind of nice, isn't it?"

She smiled at me before focusing solely on Sirius' injuries. I was surprised she hadn't sent me to class already, she never let people stay unless they were injured. Then I realized she must be under orders from Dumbledore to no let me go anywhere by myself and felt myself blush. Even if I wanted to be angry and argue that I was an independent woman who could take care of herself, I liked having someone with me because I didn't feel very independent as of lately. I just felt weak and terrified. Case and point, Sirius lying in a hospital bed with a torn shoulder while I cowered in fear when Rosier even _spoke_ to me.

"You'll live, Mr. Black," Madam Pomfrey told him after she finished wrapping his shoulder and repaired his shirt. "I think the two of you even have enough time to rejoin Professor Slughorn."

"Poppy, baby, is that really necessary?" Sirius asked, turning on the charm and cranking it up to 100 as he looked at her coyly.

I saw her cheeks turning red and snorted, I can't believe I used to want to shag him. He was ridiculous and I was completely over him. That was good, it was sort of pathetic wanting to shag someone who didn't return the feeling -at least not in an attainable way. I had enough things to deal with right now, I didn't need to add anymore.

The two of us ended up heading back to the dungeons together but not before he flustered Madam Pomfrey terribly. I just shook my head and allowed him to put his good arm around my shoulders. I only tensed a little bit and he gave me a second to test if I was comfortable before leading the way down to the dungeons.

"Mr. Black, Miss Hathaway," Slughorn announced when I pushed open the heavy door and the two of us made our entrance. "Alas, you're too late to brew the potion so write me a parchment over Golpalott's Third Law by next class."

We nodded and sat at an empty desk together, me nervously tapping my fingers against the desk. Even if they were on the other side of the classroom, Rosier and his gang were far too close to me. They couldn't do anything outright, but I had no doubt they didn't care to be punished because they knew it'd be a slap on the wrist.

"I preferred him as a cockroach," I whispered to Sirius, making him snort with laughter.

Remus' eyes looked back at the two of us and his lips tilted down in a displeased frown. Instead of letting it sting, even though it did a little bit, and flashed him a small smile. The change was instantaneous, his frown turned into a smile and my stomach clenched.

"God, you two are gross," Sirius moaned quietly.

"You're such a, what was it again? Prick wrinkle?" I asked him, pushing his side playfully. Then I sobered up and looked him fully in the eye when I said, "Thank you for earlier, defending my honor and whatnot."

He brushed me off, rubbing the back of his neck. "It was nothing, I got to protect you and try out the 'Entomorphis' hex all at once. It was a pretty interesting morning, plus chicks dig scars. Isn't that right?"

Before I could reply, he glanced up at Remus and back to me. He knew I sort of, kind of, maybe fancied his best mate and he was teasing me over it. To be fair, he did tell me Remus fancied me even if he didn't know it. I guess it was only fair he knew about my possible feelings, too.

"Can you keep that under wraps while I figure out how I feel?" I asked in a quiet voice. "I haven't even told Lacey yet because I don't know if it's real or just because he saved me, ya know? I don't want to hurt him or lead him on."

"I'm honored, are we best friends now?" he teased. "Because, I'm down."

I just rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time as we waited for James and Remus when the bell rang. Even if it was a bit excessive, the three of them walked me to Ancient Runes and waited until I was safely sitting beside Alice to make their way to Transfigurations, bowing dramatically to me as they made their exit.

What dorks.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! I really appreciate all of you who review and those of you in ghost mode.**


	12. Chapter 12

"Help!" I shrieked to Lacey, flopping down across her bed dramatically. "I need to know if I have feelings for Remus because he's cute and I fancy him or if I have 'feelings' for him because he saved me."

She let out a breath and closed the magazine she'd been reading. "I think Remus is a good guy and I think he'd be good to you, but it's not fair to lead him on if you're not interested."

"That's what I told Sirius when he figured out I possibly fancy him," I replied, flipping over to my back instead of being face down. "Help, I need your assistance."

"I don't know if I'm considered a professional at relationships, Vix," she told me reluctantly. "You're the one who's good with boys."

"Fair enough, but you have a girlfriend. How'd you do that?" I asked, refusing to let it go. "How did you know you wanted to be with her?"

"I mean, our sex was pretty good even though we were both smashed," she giggled, making me roll my eyes. "She makes me nervous in a good way, but I'm also really comfortable around her. I like the way she makes my stomach flip and then she smiles at me, it feels like I'm safe or something. I don't know how to put it."

That was almost exactly how Remus made me feel, but I knew I needed to test the theory. "Do you think I should spend more time with him? Will that help me figure it out?"

"I don't think it would hurt to spend more time with him. Maybe he can help you with your Charms' essay?" she suggested, raising a brow at me.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll ask him tomorrow," I agreed. Then I remembered my hair and knew it was an important detail she needed to know. "He told me my hair turned pink when I was napping in his bed the other day…"

"Dorothea! That's what you should've lead with!" she shrieked, hitting me with her pillow a couple times. "You can't fake that!"

I really hoped she was right, even if the thought of being close to someone romantically after what happened in the greenhouse made me nauseous. I chewed my lip as I debated telling her about my fears. I never kept anything from Lacey, and I knew I didn't need to start now.

"What if I'm damaged?" I asked in a quiet voice, looking at the wooden support beams of her bed instead of at her face in fear of crying if I did.

I felt the air around us shift, getting thick and tense. "T, that's okay. Even if you are, anyone worth your time will understand and help you work through it. Remus would understand and I know it."

My stomach was in anxious knots when I fell asleep that night and my lip was shredded when I woke up the next morning. Thankfully, my hair wasn't as messy as it was previously and allowed me to style it into my usual bouncy curls. My face was sunken in and I still had bags under my eyes so I made myself up so no one could see just how ragged I was. I guess you could only look so good when you hadn't had a full meal in days.

Lacey and I walked down to breakfast together and sat at the Ravenclaw table. The girls from our dorm knew all the rumors were lies and defended me when they heard them now. I think the castle was slowly starting to realize I hadn't done any of those things, it helped that a lost of the guys came out and said they'd never hooked up with me. I think James and Sirius had something to do with the Gryffindor Quidditch team defending me, but I couldn't be sure.

Unfortunately, the Slytherins didn't share their intentions and kept making my life hell. I still didn't go anywhere by myself and flinched every time I made eye contact with one of the three who'd assaulted me. Since Sirius hexed Rosier, he'd lost a bit of his brazen attitude and didn't attack me. He and his friends just stuck to publicly ridiculing me and making me feel disgusting about myself.

I wasn't even aware I was looking for them until I felt my eyes land on the Marauders. Remus tended to sit on the side of the table that allowed him to see the Ravenclaw table. Today, Sirius was sitting beside him and elbowed him in the ribs the second he realized I was staring over at them. I noticed how tired Remus looked, he had bags of his own under his eyes and his face looked paler than usual.

"Does Remus look sick to you?" I asked Lacey in a quiet voice.

She looked over and nodded. "Maybe he's just as upset as you are but can't hide it with makeup and a Pepperup Potion."

Madam Pomfrey gave me a couple of them when she saw how haggard I looked. I'd only taken one, but Lacey was making a fair point. He'd been pretty torn up over what happened, maybe it was just now starting to take its toll.

"Are you guys serious?" Jalen asked, butting into our private conversation like always. "Lupin always looks like he's going to keel over at any second. Apparently, his immune system is total garbage or something."

Now that she mentioned it, I do remember Remus looking like he was going to collapse more often than not over the years. I'd been so wrapped up in my own melodrama I'd completely missed his. I made a mental note to see if he needed anything the second I got to talk to him.

* * *

Before Transfigurations, I passed Remus and Peter in the hallway. He had his head tucked down and his arms held tight to his sides as he walked. His tall frame easily parted the crowds as I turned around and chased after the two of them.

"Hey, I was curious if you wanted to work on homework together tonight?" I asked, smiling at Peter in greeting before focusing back on Remus.

"Oh, I can't," he said quickly, avoiding my eyes. "I have a thing. I'll see you later."

Before I could even react to his response, he was already a few meters past me with Peter jogging to catch up with him. Maybe he didn't want to lead me on, maybe his feelings for me vanished when he saw how much of a wreck I was. Or maybe they left because I was tainted now.

I felt my breathing get quicker as I pushed back through the hordes of people to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and pressed my back to the door, trying to even out my breath. Remus didn't want to be with me because I was dirty now. He'd been in love with me and now he wouldn't even look at me! The way my throat tightened and the way my eyes burned told me my feelings for Remus were genuine, it wasn't just because he'd saved me.

I was in full panic attack mode when I heard the door of the bathroom push open. I clamped a hand over my mouth and pressed myself back in the corner so they wouldn't see me as I freaked out. I'd never really had much of a problem with anxiety before, but I guess my assault triggered it.

"Did you hear about that Thea girl in Ravenclaw?

"The little bitch who lied about Evan because he didn't want to be with her after they hooked up?'

"Yeah, Remus Lupin totally blew her off in the hallway just now. It's sad even that halfblood trash doesn't want her."

"Who wants a girl who's been around like that?"

I overheard the entire conversation with my hand still clamped over my mouth. Luckily, I'd been so focused on them my panic attack stopped. Unluckily, I was now bawling my eyes out and trying to keep quiet. It would only be made worse if they heard me crying and laughed in my face. I don't think I could handle that.

The two of them left eventually and I sat flat on my butt, sobs breaking free of my lips. I buried my face in my knees and tried to hold whatever pieces of me were left together. I feel like the only thing I ever did anymore was cry or freak out.

I heard the bell ring signaling class started and hopped up. McGonagall was going to be pissed I was late, probably even dock points from Ravenclaw. Even if it was the last thing I wanted, I left the stall and forced myself to look in the mirror. The only thing that gave away I'd been crying was the red ring around my eyes, I'd charmed my makeup to stay put this morning. My curls were frizzy and I'd ruined the shape of them so I just scrapped it back into a bun and hurried to class.

"Miss Hathaway, the bell isn't a suggestion!" McGonagall told me without turning away from the blackboard. "Find a seat before I take points."

"Yes, professor, sorry," I muttered, keeping my head down to avoid all the people looking at me.

The desk in the back of the classroom was empty so I slid into it and took out parchment to take notes on. I avoided every single person looking at me with my teeth sank into my bottom lip. The girls' words were still ringing around in my head, intermingled with Remus brushing me off.

"That's enough lecture, I want you to get into pairs and practice the spell," McGonagall announced, drawing my attention back to class.

There was an uneven amount of people in the class today and I ended up without a partner, making me even more embarrassed. Lacey was partners with Dorcas and Mary was partners with Alice Fortescue, the other girl in the Gryffindor dorm, while Lily'd been claimed by some Hufflepuff.

"Hathaway, join Evans and Gallows, please," McGonagall said, making me scurry over to them without making eye contact with anyone.

I could tell Lily wanted to know what was up with me, but she couldn't ask with McGonagall so close to us without getting in trouble. I listened to the spell as she said it and successfully changed Gallows' eyebrows from black and blonde easily.

He tried to follow her lead on me and ended up making me sprout a beard the color of my hair. Normally, I would have laughed or joked about it but not this time. Having people look at me and laugh wasn't good for my current state of mind. Thankfully, Lacey picked up on it quickly and aimed her wand at me.

" _Reparifarge_!"

The beard retracted and left my face smooth, but the damage had already been done. I felt hot and the room started to spin a bit so I sat down to gather myself. I vaguely heard McGonagall award Lacey five points for her reversal spell. I was trying to not have another breakdown in class because apparently panic attacks came in pairs.

Once I was in partial control of myself again, I stood up and pointed my wand at Lily. I didn't want to mess up and make people look at us again so I mimicked exactly what she'd done to Gallows. Thankfully, her eyebrows turned a reddish-brown color instead of her sprouting spontaneous facial hair. It wasn't perfect, but it also wasn't too bad for a first try.

The second class was dismissed, Lacey and the rest of the girls were on me. I just shrugged them off and headed upstairs instead of to the Gryffindor common room with them. I saw the reluctance on their faces before they followed being me and Lacey. I didn't want to risk seeing any of the Marauders right now, I didn't want to have a third fucking panic attack.

"How can a pocket be empty but still have something in it?"

"There's a hole," I said curtly, hoping the door would open faster so I could be in a safe place -no one in Ravenclaw was making fun of me.

Lacey sat down in a loveseat with Dorcas beside her while Lily took the floor with Mary sat on one of the couches. I sat down beside her and started picking at my nailbeds. They were all looking at me, waiting for an explanation for why I was upset and it made me queasy.

"I fancy Remus," I began, halting Lacey when she started to ask a question. "I know this because when he turned down doing homework with me this afternoon with no explanation or plans to reschedule before literally _running_ away from me, I had a bloody panic attack in a bathroom stall. He doesn't want to be around me anymore because he knows I'm messed up now and no bloke wants to be with a girl who has baggage like the kind I'm carrying with me now.

"Then, while I was melting down in the bathroom, two girls came in and started talking about me. They said no boy wanted to be with a girl who's 'been around' like I have and are convinced I lied to Dumbledore about what happened in the greenhouse because Rosier wouldn't be my boyfriend," I finished, trying my best to not wince when I said his name even though it felt like poison in my mouth.

No one said anything for a couple seconds, just trying to process what I'd told them. I saw anger very clearly on Lacey's face, she looked dangerous. Her look, however, was no match to the unadulterated fury that marred Lily's face. That girl looked ready to fight the entire castle with her bare hands.

"Who the hell were they? I'll hex their hair off and hang them from the ceiling from the bottoms of their feet!" she seethed, making Mary hesitantly pat her back. "I'm serious, Thea. Who were they?"

I chewed my lip sheepishly and looked at my lap when I answered her. "I don't know, I was in mid-panic attack when they were in there. I couldn't place the voices."

Lily's face was still full of fire, but she'd stopped cracking her knuckles. Mary then timidly reached over and took my hand in hers, rubbing her thumb over my knuckles soothingly. I didn't have it in me to be angry, I was too upset and embarrassed to feel anything else. I'm glad the two of them were feeling it for me, I'm sure that would've been my choice emotion too before the greenhouse happened.

"Okay, let's talk about the other part instead of focusing on some catty girls who are very misguided in their jealousy of Thea," Mary suggested. "Remus turned you down? That boy fancies the hell out of you! Something's amiss here."

"He looked really out of sorts today…" Alice suggested. "Maybe he just doesn't feel well and doesn't want you to catch whatever he has."

That wasn't true, but I didn't want to talk about this anymore. "Yeah, I'm sure you're probably right. I think I'm going to go take a shower before dinner. I'll see you guys there."

A crappy excuse, but I really didn't want to be around their pitiful looks anymore. They knew the truth and were trying to pad it so it didn't set me off again. I knew I'd had a few breakdowns today, but that didn't mean I was a child. They didn't have to walk on eggshells around me. Remus didn't fancy me anymore because I was tainted, that was just a thing happening in my life. Everyone outside of my house apparently still thought I was a lying bitch who sucked guys off in her free time. My life was sunshine and rainbows, all the fucking time lately.

* * *

 **I'm trying to not make Thea too out of control, but I also want to get across how different she is now than when the story started. I hope it works.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A lot of things happen in this chapter. Buckle up, buttercup.**

* * *

"It'll make you feel better to run through the grounds," Lacey told me, pushing against my side where I laid with my face against her bed. "You always feel better after you change."

She was right, I was always happier as a fox than as a human. It wasn't like I had any plans tonight anyway, not after what happened earlier. I'd just planned on moping around the room until it was time for bed. Going out and playing around on the grounds was a lot more fun than that.

Once we'd successfully snuck outside, I changed and shook out my fur. Being a fox made my emotions simplify, even if I wasn't an Animagus, it still made me shift into an animalistic state of mind. I mean, I was still human-level intelligent, but things were just easier to deal with.

We were down by the Black Lake together with her sorting through the shells around the beach and me running through the tree of the Forbidden Forest closest to the Lake. Lacey was right, I was so much more carefree whenever I was like this. Sometimes she knew me better than I knew myself.

I watched the clouds shift in the sky and reveal the moon. It was big and full tonight, soaking the grounds in a silvery light. I loved the moon, but I much preferred crescent moons -I thought they were prettier. Honestly, I didn't know anyone who didn't love stars. I couldn't understand how they wouldn't.

While I was watching the moon, I traveled further into the Forest than I intended. I could easily find my way back out, but I caught the scent of the predator from all those weeks ago. With Lacey safely on the beach, I could hunt for it now without worrying about her. I ventured deeper through the trees and stopped in my tracks when I saw the source of the smell.

A huge wolf was standing in a clearing with a big, black dog and a stag with what looked like a rat sitting on its head. The four of them would never be in one place normally and it made me incredibly nervous. Stags were prey animals, they'd never be comfortable around a dog and wolf nor would they allow a rat to ride between their antlers. I was technically a predator and shitting myself at the sight of the dog and wolf. The wolf was way too big to be a normal one with way too human eyes -it was a werewolf!

I knew I needed to get as far away as I could so I started walking back slowly, but I saw the werewolf's head swing around. His eyes landed on me and I saw the moon reflecting in them. I couldn't outrun him nor could I win in a fight against him, I was screwed. Maybe if I went closer and he realized I wasn't a threat, he would let me go.

I kept my head lowered as I stood as still as possible. The footfalls got closer and I knew I had to smell like pure fear, it was the only thing I could feel. I was fighting my fight or flight instinct so hard right now it hurt. I felt his muzzle brush against the back of my neck made vulnerable right now and hoped he didn't decide to attack. A strange sound left him before I felt him stepping back from me.

I risked a peek up to see all four of them were looking at me now. I didn't want to be under their gaze, I just wanted to go back to Lacey. Then I realized something. I know it was probably insane, but something about them seemed familiar. There was no way I'd ever seen any of them in my life or I would've remembered. I didn't dare move any closer in fear of crossing a boundary, but I couldn't understand what was happening.

When the black dog barked and jumped forward, I hissed and skidded back with the hair of my tail bushing out. All the dog did was push his muzzle against mine before licking the side of my face wetly. I swear to god it sounded like laughter when he started barking again. I saw the stag coming up to me too, leaning down and snorting happily over top of me. I snapped my jaws back at him, but he let out a laugh-like sound of his own.

I hesitantly stepped forward and sniffed the dog and was again overcome with familiarity. When his scent didn't make me nervous, I relaxed a little bit and smoothed out my tail. I was still a bit on edge about the werewolf hanging around near the edge of us until he walked forward and pressed his nose against mine. There was nothing aggressive in his behavior at all, it kind of made me feel safe.

The dog nipped at the back of my heels a couple times and reared back, inviting me to chase him. I took off forward with him tearing behind me, but I was small and lithe. There was no way he'd catch me. I was just thinking that when I slammed into the wolf and whined. He just looked down at me and brushed his muzzle against mine almost _affectionately_.

After what happened this morning, any kind of affection was welcome. I didn't want to think about how much it hurt to be rejected by Remus. I just wanted to play around in the woods with the rag-tag group of animals who were far too familiar.

* * *

Eventually, I parted from the group and made my way back to Lacey. I couldn't see her, but I felt her fingers running through the fur at the nape of my neck. I lolled my head to the side against her leg and smiled up at her as much as I could as a fox.

"Where'd you go? I lost you for, like, three hours," she told me as we headed back up to the castle together. "I know you can't answer me right now, but you will when we're in the common room."

We snuck back inside easily and into our common room. I changed back into a human and saw my hands and feet caked in mud. I smiled without thinking, I'd had a lot of fun. We chased each other and played hide in seek in teams, the stag and dog against me and the wolf while the rat was just along for the ride.

"I went deeper into the Forest than I meant to and found a werewolf," I told her, watching her eyebrows raise in alarm. "He wasn't alone, he had friends I think. A black dog, a stag, and a rat and it was really weird because they weren't like predator and prey. They played around with each other and something about them was so familiar it's driving me crazy."

"You found a werewolf in the Forest and came back out alive?" she asked in a fierce whisper. "Thea, that was so reckless! You could've been killed!"

"That's the thing, he didn't want to hurt me. He was almost affectionate with me," I told her reluctantly. "He pressed his nose against mine and rubbed his muzzle against me. I don't know how to explain it, but it was definitely what I needed after Remus' rejection this morning. I almost felt safe with him."

She knew she was fighting a losing battle and let the subject drop. We made our way upstairs and I went to shower, thinking about how weird tonight really was. Why did the group of them seem so familiar to me? I'm sure I'd remember coming in contact with a gang of animals like that. They would have left a mark on my memory for sure.

* * *

The next day was a Hogsmeade trip and Lacey was beyond excited to go. I got did my makeup while she showered, hype to check out a new lip plumper potion from the Wicked Witch Collection. She'd been talking about it for days. I'd just finished my hair when she dragged me downstairs, anxious to eat breakfast so we could meet Dorcas and leave together.

The tension in the air around the Great Hall was palpable. I saw Sirius and James standing at the end of the Gryffindor table and rushed over to them. They looked tired, but their eyes were alert as they catalogued the entire room.

"What's wrong?" I asked in a quiet voice with Lacey standing beside me. "What's happening?"

"Hogsmeade was attacked by death eaters last night," James whispered to me. "They killed the shop keep at the Magical Menagerie because she was a muggleborn. She's worked there for almost 70 years."

I gasped and grabbed Lacey's hand in mine protectively. "Where are Remus and Peter? Are they okay?"

Sirius looked over at me curiously before a look of realization took over his face. "They're still sleeping, we had a late night last night."

"Why would they attack so close to Hogwarts? That's reckless even for them," Lacey asked in a terrified whisper. "Are we safe here?"

I would've said 'yes' without a doubt last year, but now I wasn't so sure. Dumbledore couldn't protect me from a group of boys within the castle, how could he protect all of us from a group of murders outside of it? Lacey was a muggleborn, I already worried for her but it increased tenfold now.

"I'm going to go owl my parents to go to my grandparents' for a while," Lacey said, giving my hand a squeeze before she hurried back up to the Tower.

"Attention," Dumbledore shouted, making ever look up at him. "As you've all heard, there was an attack on Hogsmeade last night and Madam Clockton was murdered. From now until further notice, all Hogsmeade visits are canceled are you are not to leave the grounds for any reason."

Breakfast appeared after his speech, but no one seemed like they wanted to eat. I know it was stupid, but I really wanted to see Remus and make sure he was okay. He wasn't a muggleborn, but his mum was a muggle and I wanted him to be aware of what was happening.

"I know he doesn't want me to, but do you think I could go see Remus?" I asked, chewing my lip as I looked at James and Sirius. "He's mum is a muggle, I want him to know what's happening so he can write to her."

"The password is kneazle," Sirius told me after the two of them looked at each other for a full minute. "Just be understanding, he's a bit under the weather."

I nodded and started making my way to Gryffindor Tower. I was about to say the password when the door opened to reveal a disheveled looking Peter. His eyes widened when he saw me, but he tried his best to cover it up. Peter wasn't very good at covering things up.

"Is Remus still upstairs?" I asked, looking past him into the empty common room.

He nodded and that was all I needed to brush past him. I heard him still talking, but I didn't care what he was saying. I hurried up to the boys' dormitory and knocked but got no answer. I opened the door anyway and heard the shower running so I went and sat on Remus' bed to wait for him. Was this creepy? Probably, but it wasn't going to stop me.

Five minutes later, he walked in with a towel around his waist and water dripping from his hair. He shrieked when he saw me and slapped a hand over his chest. I just raised my brows and smirked at how dramatic his reaction was. I would've teased him, but I remembered we were friends like that anymore. I also tried my best to not look at his body, he didn't like me anymore and I really didn't need to like him either. I glanced down anyway and bit my lip, he was so attractive.

"Did James and Sirius send you here? I told them that wasn't a good idea, I didn't want to talk," he sighed, making me flinch and look down at my lap instead of at him.

"No, I know you don't want to talk to me. You made it really clear yesterday," I told him, playing with the fringe of my shirt instead of crying like I wanted. "I came to tell you there was an attack on Hogsmeade last night. The lady who ran the Magical Menagerie was killed because she was a muggleborn. Lacey went to write to her parents and advise they go to her grandparents' in Greece for a while. I remembered your mum was a muggle and figured you'd want to tell her about what happened, too, to make sure she was safe. I can leave now."

I stood up from his bed and started walking to the door with my head ducked down. I had my bottom lip between my teeth as I pulled it open and went back down to the common room. That was so stupid, his friends would've told him about the attacks. I also remembered him telling me about his father working for the Ministry, she probably already knew. God, I was pathetic.

"Thea!" Remus shouted from down the hallway, making a couple people look over at us. "God, you're fast for someone so small!"

"Do you need something?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest uncomfortably after I made sure my tears weren't visible.

I watched his face fall and tried to ignore the way it made me ache. "Oh, no. I just wanted to see if you still wanted to work on that homework?"

Giving in was stupid and made me look like a pushover, but I really wanted to agree. "My stuff is in my dorm, I hadn't planned on doing homework today. Plus, you look like you might fall over if I sneeze in your direction."

"You could just come up to the dorm and we could nap," he suggested, then I watched his face flush at the insinuation of his words. "Merlin, that wasn't what I meant. I just miss being around you, T."

I should've turned him down, but I couldn't say no to those eyes. I missed him, too. "I'm kind of freaked out about Hogsmeade, actually. A nap sounds nice."

He reached out his hand slowly, offering it to me. I averted my eyes from his soft hazel eyes, almost shyly putting my hand in his. I walked close to him, placing my hand on the bend of his arm. Jesus, I was so desperate for affection I took it from a werewolf last night and was letting a guy who made me have a panic attack yesterday take me up to his room.

I took off my clogs and shrugged off my cardigan once we were back in his dorm. He kicked off his sneakers and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. I rolled my eyes and got into his bed, burrowing under the covers and looking at him expectantly. He followed my lead and got into bed with me, facing me while he chewed his bottom lip.

"Those jeans look uncomfortable," he observed, immediately facepalming. "Apparently I can't say anything that does sound sleazy this morning. I meant I could get you a pair of joggers if you wanted."

Was it wrong I liked to see him squirm? "I figured, but I like watching you squirm like that. Especially after yesterday."

He froze, bent over his trunk with his hands inside. "What are you talking about?"

I sat up and moved to the foot of his bed so we were closer. "When I asked to hang out and you blew me off before class yesterday."

I watched him frown as he remembered what I was talking about, rubbing a hand across his brows. "I'm sorry, I didn't feel well. I didn't mean to hurt you, I never want to hurt you, Thea."

His eyes were full of honesty and I believed him. "I believe you, but that doesn't mean you didn't. If you don't want to be with me because you think I'm tainted, I understand."

He rose up from his crouching position and sat on his trunk so he was closer to me. "You aren't tainted, Thea. You are perfect. What happened in the greenhouse doesn't define you, not at all."

I knew he meant well, but it didn't make me feel better. "I hate that word. Nobody's perfect; it puts unfair expectations on people's shoulders."

A ghost of a smile appeared on his face as he reached up to cup the side of my face. "You're crazy, did you know that?"

I jutted out my bottom lip and looked at him with my nose scrunched. "That's not very nice!"

He laughed and leaned forward to brush his nose against mine briefly. Then he moved back down to his trunk and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a jumper for me. I took them gratefully and slipped into the bathroom to change. I pulled on the sweatpants and tied them up with no problem, recognizing them as the ones I wore when I stayed with him the first time. The jumper was a little more complicated because I wasn't wearing a bra under my top and it was a cotton jumper -meaning my nipples would be on display. To be as small as I am, I had pretty big boobs -probably about a C cup -and this jumper wasn't going to hide them.

I washed off my makeup and left my hair in its ponytail before going back into the dorm. Remus was lying in his bed and smiled sleepily at me when my eyes met his. Whatever I'd been worrying about before was gone in my hurry to get back in bed with him. He pulled me close to his chest, brushed his nose against mine again, and kissed my hair fleetingly before lying back against his pillow. Within five minutes' time, he was snoring softly.

I felt my eyes getting heavier as I cuddled further into his chest. Something fluttered in the back of my mind about the brushing of our noses, but I just ignored it and felt my eyelids growing even heavier. Before I gave in, I felt his hand slid under my jumper and rest of the bare skin of my lower back. Warmth and safety flooded me and I fell asleep.

* * *

 **Y'all gave the last chapter more reviews than any other chapter and it was awesome! Thanks so much and maybe do it again for this one?**


	14. Chapter 14

I woke up to breathing against my cheek and fingers rubbing against my back gently, making me squirm because it tickled. A rough laugh made me open my eyes to see Remus looking down at me with a sleepy smile that made my heart race. My body was sprawled over his and there wasn't a doubt in my mind he could feel how hard my heart was beating from how I was pressed against his side.

"Hi," he greeted in a quiet voice.

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "Hi, you're really cute. Did you know that?"

I didn't have much of a filter when I first woke up, I also wouldn't be surprised if my hair was pink. Like he was thinking the same thing, he reached up and twisted some of the baby pink strands around his fingers. Even if I'd fell asleep with in in a ponytail, it was wild around my face now. The braid on the side was even free now, I didn't realize I'd moved around so much. I'm sure it was quite a sight to see, my bedhead usually was.

When he realized what I told him, I saw his face flush and he looked away from my face. I'd embarrassed him by complimenting him and it was really sweet. I reached out and took his chin between my fingers, making him look back at me. Then I moved my hand up into his hair and ran my fingers through the soft waves, smiling softly at how intimate the moment felt. I don't know why I'd never considered eye contact a way of connecting to someone before I started hanging around Remus.

"I'm sorry I hurt you yesterday," he told me, his eyes holding mine while my fingers continued to run through his hair. "I was just trying to look out for you."

My nose scrunched up at that and I asked, "What does that mean? Are you less sick today then you were yesterday? I would've taken care of you, I don't mind."

He licked his lips nervously before chewing on his bottom one for a few seconds. "You're too nice to me, T. I don't deserve you."

I stilled my fingers in his hair and moved to sit up, looking down at him with his hand still under my shirt but not moving. "Why do you do that? I'm trying to get close to you and you just push me away."

"Thea, I'm not trying to hurt you. God, I don't want to hurt you," he promised, removing his hand and sitting up across from me.

"I think that ship has already sailed," I told him, bringing my knees up to block my chest from his view as I remembered I wasn't wearing a bra.

He rubbed his face and turned his back to me, sitting his feet flat on the floor over the edge of the bed. His actions said more than any words ever could. Everything he told me this morning was a lie, he wanted to be with me and then he didn't. I seriously cared about him, I just wish he didn't play with my head so much.

It stung worse than I wanted to admit, he never struck me as a guy who would hurt me. I'd been played with a few times by guys who thought I was fun for a while until they were bored. The last thing I expected was for him to ever treat me like that.

"I never thought you'd play with my feelings. I thought I could trust you," I said, my throat tightening. "God, I wish you weren't the one who saved me."

I was up and out of the room with my clothes in hand before he could turn to look at me if he was even going to. I couldn't deal with his warm eyes looking at me from under his messy hair. It would only break my heart even more.

* * *

"I'm going to hex his bollocks off!" Lacey shouted when she came back to the dorm and saw me lying on my bed in tears. "I swear to Merlin, he is a dead man walking!"

I jumped out of bed and tried to stop her from storming down the stairs, but she was too fast. She was storming down the corridor with me chasing after her in a jumper and pair of compression shorts. I had on socks with my hair twisted on top of my head -no state to be seen in public especially with my puffy, bloodshot eyes. I didn't even bring my wand with me in my haste to stop her from doing something stupid.

She made it to the portrait hole and inside right as I grabbed it from closing. The four of them were sitting by the fire together and she stomped her way over, drawing all their attention. I was breathing hard and doubled over with my hands on my knees, there was no stopping her now.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she shouted, making other students look over at us and me get even more flustered than I already was. "Were you dropped on your head as a child or were you just born stupid?"

All four of them looked from me to her before James finally asked, "In order to answer that, we need to know which one you're talking to."

"The one who has made Thea cry for the last goddamn time," she spat making me flinch and stand up. Before I could say anything, she held up her hand and barked, "Do not try and stop me, Dorothea, my binding hexes are brilliant and you know that."

This was humiliating, I didn't want to be the center of attention anymore and I didn't want her fighting my battles for me like I was a child. "Lacey, stop! It's fine, okay? I'm a big girl and this is ridiculous!"

"No, what's ridiculous is him playing games with your head!" she replied, pointing her wand straight at Remus. "As if you haven't been put through enough!"

I watched James and Sirius raise their wands in response at Lacey and felt my stomach hit my knees. Lacey was an okay dueler, but she didn't hold a candle to the two of them. Plus, the thought of her hurting Remus made me feel sick to my stomach. I refused to look at him because I didn't want to cry right now and his face had a tendency to do that to me recently. I needed to fix this before someone did something they'd regret.

"Lower your wand, Tyler," James said in a dangerously low voice.

"Not a chance," she replied icily, no fear in her at all. "How can you defend him? He's vile!"

Remus hadn't moved from his spot in front of her wand and Peter was sitting in a chair, terrified by the look of things. Everyone else in the common room mysteriously disappeared and I couldn't say I blamed them. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of looking at Remus and he just looked sad. No, he looked devastated and he was looking straight at me -as if I couldn't feel worse than I already did.

"She's right," he said quietly, still looking at me.

No one moved, ignoring what he said. I couldn't let her hurt him, it was my problem and she couldn't fix it for me. I quickly placed myself in the middle of all their wands, hopefully putting a stop to any spells being cast. I held Lacey's eye, trying to ignore the pure fury in their depths, and placed my hand over hers. She allowed me to lower her arm and take her wand, tucking it in the waistband of my shorts.

"We're leaving," I told her without looking back at the group of them.

"No, we're not going anywhere! If I'm not allowed to hex him, I'm sure as hell going to yell at him," she replied, pushing past me to stand in front of Remus. "Who do you think you are? She was put through hell and you took advantage of her only to throw her away like she was nothing!"

"I know!" he shouted, raising from the couch and towering over Lacey. "I know, I'm trying to distance myself from her before I hurt her even more!"

This was spiraling out of control fast and deadly things happened when wizards lost control. I didn't have the mental capacity to defuse this situation right now, I was too fried. I'd been crying alone in my bed for nearly two hours when Lacey found me, I was barely standing right now. Remus didn't look much better than me, he was pale and I could tell his legs were shaking a little as he leaned against the couch arm.

I grabbed Lacey's hand and tried to drag her away again and she let me finally. I didn't look back, I just walked until I was at the entrance to my common room. Thankfully, someone was coming out so I didn't have to solve a riddle because it probably would've made me pass out. I didn't let go of Lacey's wrist until the two of us were in our dorm.

"Why did you do that? You've made everything so much worse," I told her, sitting down on the edge of my bed. "It went from being messed up to being a total shitstorm. I appreciate you standing up for me, but I can fight my own battles. I'm not going to beg a boy to want me, I'm going through enough hell right now. I just want my best friend, okay?"

I took her wand out of my waistband and tossed it onto her bed. Then I laid on my side and tucked under my covers, curling myself into a ball. The bed dipped behind me and I felt Lacey wrap me in her arms, pressing her forehead against the back of my neck. I turned in her arms and breathed in the familiarity of her scent, trying to find something comforting.

"I am so sorry, I just don't want anyone to hurt you anymore," she whispered as she rubbed my back. "I didn't mean to upset you, I just saw red and had to do something."

We'd always been fiercely protective of each other, I'd fight every single person who ever uttered the 'm' word around her. People quickly learned they didn't just get one of us, we were a package deal. I knew it was the same for James and Sirius, but I was still upset they'd pointed their wands at Lacey. The entire situation made me so anxious, I didn't realize I was picking at my nails until I looked at them and saw they were bloody.

"Merlin, Vixie, I'm so sorry! I didn't even think about how you would feel, I was just so angry," she told me, using her wand to clean up my hands. "I know how you feel about him and what that means to you after what you've been through."

I just nodded and laid flat, taking her hand in mine. I wasn't crying anymore, it was more of a pain than anything. It was a dull ache just below my ribs, about where my heart was. I knew it wasn't real, but I felt phantom pain along my wrists and in my shoulder too. I just wanted it to go away, I wanted to forget about Remus and the assault in the greenhouse. I wanted to go back to last year when my biggest problem was trying to get Sirius to sleep with me. I wanted to go back to a time before I knew emotional pain was so much worse than physical pain.

"How do people deal with pain like this?" I asked in a choppy voice. "I'm not trying to be dramatic, but it's so intense, Lace. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to deal with what happened to me in the greenhouse. I'm never going to find someone who doesn't see exactly what happened to me when they look at me."

"Thea, that's not true. You're too strong to not get over this," she reassured me, giving my hand a squeeze. "You're not your trauma, you are so much more than that. No one sees you as the worst thing that happened to you."

"I wish it was that easy, but it's not even close. Remus was pretty much in love with me, but now he doesn't even want to touch me because of what happened," I told her in an even voice. "And everyone always sees you as the worst thing that happens, it's just how life works. It's not fair and it's not pretty, but it's real."

Lacey sat up and looked down at me with a frown. "Don't go dark, Vix. You're a summer not a winter."

That made me snort and scrub my face with my hands. "You were going to hex a boy for me, Lace! You're kind of the best friend in the entire world! I love you!"

She flopped onto me and hugged me tight, making me laugh. That's the best thing a friend can ever do, make you laugh when you're convinced you're never going to be happy again. The ache was still there and it had the power to suffocate me, but I held strong to what helped me stay afloat.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Don't hate me!**


	15. Chapter 15

**I had a serious case of writer's block so this chapter came out a bit late. It is also rated M and has content so be warned.**

* * *

Remus and I hadn't spoken in almost two weeks and I missed him like crazy. Lacey was trying her best to keep me occupied, but she was also spending more and more time with Dorcas. Lily and I had taken to studying together in the library, as far away from my old spot with Remus as possible.

"I still can't believe Lacey threatened to hex him," she whispered as we revised a couple essays in preparation for our upcoming exams. "I also can't believe he'd mess with your head like that, he doesn't strike me as the type. I thought he was head over heels for you."

I took a breath and decided to share my secret with Lily. "You know how I'm a metamorphmagus? Well, I've learned how to change myself into a fox sort of like an Animagus but not illegal. Lacey and I have been exploring the castle and the grounds since our second year with the help of a disillusionment charm.

"A couple months ago, the two of us snuck into the Gryffindor common room and overheard Remus admitting that he was in love with me. I struggled with whether I fancied him because he liked me, because he saved me, because Sirius broke my heart, or because my feelings were genuine. Then you know what happened," I explained to her in a hushed voice. "Please don't say anything, my family and I could get in serious trouble if the Ministry finds out."

Her eyebrows were raised as she tried to process what I told her. "Oh, that's a lot. That also explains so many things. I could've sworn I saw a fox running through the halls during rounds with Remus, but he said it must've just been my imagination."

Was he covering for me before I even told him what I could do? Why would he do that? "He knew I could change into a fox before I told him. He mentioned seeing me 'foxing around' when he was doing rounds. God, that boy is too observant for his own good."

The two of us went back to our respective work, but my mind was on Remus. How did he know I wasn't just a random, wild fox that got into the castle? I didn't look any more human than a normal fox unless you saw my eyes.

"Something else weird happened to me while Lacey and I were on one of our late-night walks. I wondered into the Forbidden Forest and found a group of animals that wasn't normal," I told her lightly, hoping she didn't freak out. "It was a black dog, a stag, a rat, and a werewolf. They were friendly and didn't try to hurt me, they wanted to play. I also had this weird, affectionate connection with the werewolf. We kept brushing noses all night or he'd nip at my hackles."

She seemed at a loss for words, much like Lacey when I first told her. "I suppose it's not too surprising there are werewolves in the Forest, it's full of dangerous things. That's why it's out of bounds for students."

She was right, I didn't think about it like that. I knew there were centaurs and unicorns in the Forest, it wasn't a big stretch to go to werewolves. I suppose I just always thought I'd be more afraid around a werewolf…

"Maybe you should talk to him about why he knew you were the fox…?" Lily suggested later. "I can tell you're miserable and one look at him says he feels the same."

The thought of talking to him again made my heart swell and sink at the same time. I didn't want to fall for him again, but I also didn't want him out of my life.

* * *

Another week passed before my Ravenclaw curiosity got to me and I decided to talk to Remus. I really wanted to know why he connected me and the fox so easily. I found him in his corner of the library and sat down, making him look up at me and his eyes grow larger.

"How'd you know I was the fox you and Lily saw during your rounds?" I asked, cutting to the chase instead of messing around. "I know you never saw me change, it wasn't possible."

He greatly resembled a deer caught in headlights when I finished. "I, uhm, I don't -it's complicated."

I blew through my nose in frustration, narrowly avoiding slamming my hands against the table. "Listen, you owe me an explanation."

"I wasn't aware I owed you anything," he snapped, making my temper flare.

"You fucked around with my head for almost three months and then decided we shouldn't be together out of the blue," I replied, struggling to keep my voice down. "You waited until I was starting to have feelings for you and then you just snatched the rug right out from under my feet!"

"Why does it have to be about you?" he asked, just as snappy as I was. "Maybe it has nothing to do with you, maybe I'm the one who's messed up and trying to keep you from getting involved!"

I wanted to stop focusing on being quiet so I grabbed his wrist and yanked him out of the library, our things left behind in my haste. Neither of us had on our robes and would surely be in trouble for breaking uniform, but that was the last thing on my mind. I pulled him into a broom closet and I continued where we left off.

"I wouldn't know if it was about you because getting you to share how you feel is like pulling bloody teeth!" I shouted, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"Have you always been this fucking mouthy?" he asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. "God damn, you can go on with the best of them, can't you?"

"Me? You seriously think I'm the problem here?" I asked in disbelief. "I just asked how you knew I was the fox you saw with Lily and you threw a temper tantrum!"

"Yes, because I'm clearly the one throwing a temper tantrum right now," he sneered.

Merlin's beard, he should not be that sexy whenever he was angry. And don't even get me started on how hot it was when he swore. He'd always been cute and sweet, but right now those were nowhere near the words I'd use to describe him.

I don't honestly know which one of us moved first, but I was clutching the collar of his shirt and he was gripping my waist tight when our lips smashed together. It was all tongues sliding against each other and teeth digging into lips. I moved one of my hands up to the back of his head to get him closer and felt one of his take my ass in a death grip.

"You are so fucking frustrating," I gasped as he broke the kiss and started sucking on my neck.

"You're no peach either, princess," he told me back in a raspy voice, biting a bit too hard just under my ear and making a desperate noise leave my lips. "Shit, make that noise again."

"Do something to make it happen, asshole," I challenged, pulling back to hold his eyes and saw that his pupils were just as blown out as mine. "Or is that too selfish of me? I'd hate to make this all about me and neglect poor, pitiful Remus."

A growl left his mouth that had me soaking my panties as he lifted me up by my ass and slammed me against the wall. The desperate noise was back with a vengeance as he squeezed my bum with both hands and his mouth reclaimed mine.

I never would've pegged him as rough, but right now he was absolutely devouring me. This was nothing like the sweet guy who held me in his bed when I cried, it was like he was a completely different person. I don't know which one I liked better, but right now rough Remus was winning out.

"God, you're so fucking wet," he groaned against my mouth, breathing in raggedly. "I can smell it."

"Shut the fuck up," I growled, darting forward and sinking my teeth into the side of his neck to see what would happen.

His hips thrust up into me and made a keening whimper leave my lips. He was rock hard and pressed against my panties. I rocked against him and started sucking marks into his throat to disguise my pathetic noises.

"Fucking hell, you're going to kill me," he rasped, removing a hand from my ass to slam it against the wall by my head. "God, princess, just like that."

Who the fuck was this and what had he done with Remus Lupin? "Hell no, you don't get to cum without me. Fuck that."

"See?" he asked, moving his hand from the wall to rest under my skirt. "So selfish."

I was about to snap back at him when he slid his fingers under my panties and started sliding through my folds clumsily. I took a hand from the back of his neck and guided his fingers to my clit with only minimal swear words. Once he was rubbing it, I start rocking my hips against him again.

"For someone so smart, you're a fucking dumbass," I cursed in his ear before I bit the shell of it when his fingers rubbed just the right way. "Fuck, just like that."

"Are you gonna cum for me, princess?" he asked, pressing his forehead against mine and closing his eyes in concentration. "Fuck, please cum so I can. I don't want to hear you mouth if you don't go first."

I wanted to bite back that he was right, but then I looked into his eyes and lost it. They were so green and full of lust for me, he was so fucking hard between my thighs. I dug my nails into the back of his neck as I tilted my head back and cried out. He slammed into me a couple more times before I felt his teeth attach to my neck to smother his growls.

We breathed together for a couple minutes before he dropped my legs to the ground and took a step back from me. The confident, pissed off guy from earlier was gone and was replaced with someone who looked horrified. Was the thought of getting off with me that appalling?

"Christ, was getting me off that disgusting?" I asked, righting my knickers and trying to regain a bit of pride.

He threw open the cupboard door and was gone before I could even fix my hair. I just looked after him in disbelief. Who the fuck runs away after a girl makes them cum?

* * *

"You literally got off together in a broom closet and he ran away?" Lacey asked, trying to keep herself from laughing.

"You straights are fucking mental!" Dorcas snorted, making Lacey nod her head in agreement. "I'd never run off after a girl fucked me in a broom closet! At least not without a goodbye."

"That's my girl, always a lady," Lacey cooed, kissing Dorcas with a little too much tongue.

"Oh, exhibitionists, this isn't about your sex life. It's about the mess that is Thea's!" Lily barked, making me snort but nod my head.

"As if things weren't already complicated enough between us!" I sighed, flopping backward on Lily's bed dramatically. "I think I'm going to become a nun."

"That would mean no more hate orgasms in a broom closet!" Alice said as she came into the room with us. When all of our eyes flashed over to her, she held up her hands in surrender and said, "You're loud and I was walking by!"

For whatever reason, Alice catching us talking made me laugh. I laughed so hard my sides started to ache and I heard the others join me. It felt so good to finally laugh instead of being sad and upset all the time. Maybe all I needed was an orgasm.

"Shit, maybe full moons give orgasms magic powers," Lacey teased after we calmed down. "I mean, I thought you'd tear his face off when I saw you marching over to him earlier."

We joked around a little longer before Lacey and I snuck back to our common room together. I was cuddled up in my covers with my curtains drawn when I realized something. The entire time I was in the closet with Remus, I never once thought about what happened in the greenhouse. Maybe I wasn't tainted after all… at least until after he came.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Drop me a review and tell me what you think!**


	16. Chapter 16

**THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CHAPTER!**

* * *

The Christmas holidays were in two weeks and I hadn't talked to Remus since our hookup in the closet. Every time his friends saw me, they avoided eye contact and I knew he'd told them what happened. Instead of being embarrassed, it just made me even more angry because he could tell them what happened but couldn't tell me anything.

I was studying for my Charms' exam in the library by myself when Sirius sat down across from me. In all my years at Hogwarts, I don't think I'd ever seen him come to the library. At least not because he wanted to, he was usually dragged there by Remus.

"You've got to work things out with Moony," he told me.

I didn't look up from my textbook when I replied, "I gave him an orgasm and he ran away. I don't have to do anything, I feel like I've done enough."

I underlined something Flitwick mentioned would be on the exam before flipping through to find other things from my notes. I'd made a study guide while he did a review and was filling in the blank spaces. I needed to work on my marks if I wanted any sort of future after Hogwarts. I also wanted a distraction and figured my studies would be as good anything else.

"He has a good reason to be so distant with you," he kept going as if I was paying attention to him. "His intentions aren't to hurt you, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body."

I rolled my eyes and looked up at him for the first time, marking my spot in my textbook with my quill. "Until he can tell me what his 'good reason' is or what his intentions are, I'm going to keep living my life."

"Look at that boys, she's drawing in her next victim," Rosier drawled, coming up to my table with Aubrey and Wilkes in tow as always.

The confident annoyance I was feeling quickly evaporated as fear bubbled in the bottom of my belly. Even if they couldn't do anything in a place this public, I still had the memory of how tightly they held my arms and the hex they'd cast on Sirius. There were people around who'd notice if anything were to happen this time. Plus, Madam Pince was always lurking around in hopes of throwing out kids who were too loud.

"What are you on about?" Sirius asked when he realized I wasn't going to speak.

"Don't act like you haven't heard, the entire castle knows by now," Rosier continued, not taking his eyes off me. "You'd rather suck off that halfblood trash than any of us, would you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I forced out. "I haven't done that with anyone."

"Save the innocent act for Dumbledore, Bellatrix Black saw Lupin run out of a closet and you follow after," Aubrey told me, an ugly smirk on his lips. "His fly was unzipped and you were tucking in your shirt."

Ice flooded my belly at the insinuation. I didn't even think about people seeing us go into the closet or coming out of it. I hadn't planned on us hooking up so I didn't put up a silencing charm either. The entire castle probably knew about it and thought I was lying about what happened in the greenhouse again. Whatever credibility I'd built up was dashed to bits now.

It was like no matter how hard I tried to get past it, my assault kept coming back and ruining whatever progress I'd made. I should probably talk to someone about it like Dumbledore suggested, it wouldn't hurt. Maybe it would help me deal with everything.

"Why don't the three of you bugger off?" Sirius hissed. "Unless you all want to be roaches on the floor I might accidently crush under my feet. I do have a tendency to be a _bit_ clumsy."

They chuckled stupidly but left the two of us alone at the table. I tried to go back to my studying, but my concentration was shot now. There was no way I could focus on shrinking charms.

"You really messed him up when you said you wished he'd never saved you," Sirius told me in a quiet voice. "I think that might've been one of the only things he's done that he was genuinely proud of."

"If you just came over to make me feel bad, mission accomplished," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose and leaning back in my chair. "If you can convince him to sit and talk with me like an adult, I'll be there with bells on."

He took my face in his hands and kissed my lips happily, pulling back with a pleased grin on his face. "Wonderful! You won't regret this!"

I sat there, staring after his retreating back in disbelief. He'd been so pleased with my answer he kissed me in celebration. Sirius Black was one weird bloke.

* * *

I'd just gotten back from talking with a therapist in Diagon Alley when I saw Remus in the hallway. I was just going to nod in his direction and keep going, but he had other ideas. I saw him take a deep breath before crossing the hallway over to me. I guess Sirius did talk to him after he left the library.

"Hey, can we talk?" he asked nervously.

I was already pretty drained after my session with Dr. Lynchall, but I'd promised Sirius I would talk to Remus. I nodded and followed him through the castle to an empty hallway outside. It was snowy and cold, I understood why no one was out there.

"I'm sorry," he told me without looking up from his feet.

"I've heard," I replied, not making it easy on him. "You've told me a couple times and done nothing to prove it."

"That was harsh, but I deserved it," he sighed scrubbing his hands over his face in frustration.

I pulled my cloak tighter around me and crossed my arms over my chest as we walked. "Is that all? I've had a long morning and I'm freezing. I'd like to go curl up in front of the fire in Ravenclaw Tower with my Charms' notes if you don't mind."

Instead of answering me, he led the way back into the castle and to a portrait of hanging fruit I'd passed a billion times during mine and Lacey's late-night escapades. I was about to ask him what he was doing when he reached out and tickled the pear, making me scrunch my brows and look at him in confusion. Were the entire group of them off their rockers instead of just Sirius?

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked before I could stop myself.

He rolled his eyes at my impatience and we watched the portrait swing open together. It was like he never ceased to surprise me with the random things he knew. How the boy knew more about the castle than I did was a complete mystery. I followed him in and saw the Hogwarts' kitchens for the first time in the six years I'd been here.

"Mr. Lupin!" a few of the house elves cried happily. "We iz very happy to see you! Does you want some hot chocolate?"

"Can I have two, please, Ninky?" he asked, a kind smile on his lips.

"So, you're best friends with the house elves?" I asked, sitting at the table with him across from me. "Is this you trying to win me over? You're so kind even the house elves like you?"

He just shrugged and took his scarf off instead of answering me with words. The kitchen was warm so I shrugged off my cloak and folded it before sitting it beside me on the bench. At least my teeth weren't chattering anymore.

"I know I keep apologizing, but I really am sorry for a lot of things," he told me, bridging his fingers in front of himself on the table. "Mostly, I'm sorry for messing with your head, I promise that was the last thing I ever meant to do."

"I talked to my therapist today and she told me I was subconsciously blaming you for what happened in the greenhouse and it makes sense," I explained. "I'm sorry if me latching onto you made you uncomfortable but you were too nice to say anything. I'm also sorry for saying I wished you didn't save me, that wasn't fair. I'm glad you did."

"I didn't mind, I liked having you that close," he told me. "Also, that doesn't matter. You were angry, we all say things we don't mean when we're angry."

We were interrupted by the house elves bringing us mugs of hot chocolate like I'd never seen before. The mug was steaming with whipped cream on top and shaved chocolate, it looked delicious and made me wonder just how much time he spent down here if they had this drink memorized for him.

"Thank you, these look wonderful," he told the house elf, making him splutter and straighten out his tea rag importantly.

"Was nothing, Mr. Lupin," he said, still tugging at his tea towel fiercely.

"It does look fantastic, thank you so much," I added, making the house elf look over at me.

"You iz the fox that runs through the castle, you iz," he said, then slapped a hand over his mouth and cried. "Ninky is sorry, missus, he spoken out of turn! Ninky will punish himself!"

Before I could say anything, I watched the house elf strike himself with one of the serving spoons over the head. He was hitting himself so fiercely the spoon was bending in the middle and I lunged at him. I wrestled the spoon out of his hand and held his tiny shoulder with my other to make him stop, breathing heavy with fat tears pouring out of his eyes. Jesus, that was quite a feat in a dress and kitten heels.

"I'm not angry, it's okay," I said through panting breath. "You don't have to punish yourself, I promise. Remus knows I'm a metamorphmagus."

He didn't look convinced but also didn't try to take the serving spoon back from me. I took that as a win and sat back down, laying the spoon beside me and taking a drink from the mug in front of me. I moaned in delight, it was the best hot chocolate I'd ever tasted.

Remus was watching me with guarded eyes, but his lips turned up into a smile when I sat my mug back down. I was about to ask what he was smiling about when he reached forward and wiped some cream from my nose. I snorted before sucking it off his thumb and wiping my mouth.

"You have no idea how sexy you are, do you?" he asked, making me look up at him in confusion. "I'm serious, you make it so hard to distance myself from you."

That made me laugh before I responded. "I do know how sexy I am, until you look at me and I feel like an awkward third year who's about to get their first kiss. I'm not a fan."

"You're saying I make you nervous?" he specified, chewing his bottom lip. When I nodded, he scoffed and said, "You're mad. Why in the hell would I make you nervous? Have you seen yourself? You are so out of my league."

I rolled my eyes, thinking he was joking until I saw how anxious he looked. "Are you serious? You really think I'm out of your league? I'm just the girl everyone in Hogwarts thinks tosses boys off in dark corners all around the castle. I'm not much to envy."

The growl he made in the closet echoed around the kitchen and made a couple house elves look over at us. I smiled at them reassuringly and waited until they looked away to look back at Remus. He was frowning and his eyes were hard, but I knew it wasn't directed at me this time.

"This might be the first time I've seen you angry at something other than me," I joked, trying to ease the tension.

"I'm angry you make me feel so out of control all the time. I used to pride myself on my control," he sighed, lying his hands flat on the table. "I've been in love with you since second year and the first time you ever spoke to me was when you cleaned me up after I spilled porridge down my robes."

Surely that couldn't have been the first time we spoke. I tried thinking back and realized he was right. I didn't even know he existed until third year when the Marauders pulled their first prank, but my eyes had been on Sirius then.

"Wow, I'm such a bitch," I sighed, taking another drink from my cup to keep from speaking anymore.

He shook his head and said, "No, I'm just not as memorable as Sirius Black. It's fine, I get it."

Do you see why it was so hard to stay angry at him? He was like a kicked puppy sometimes and it made my heart hurt. The boy really thought he wasn't as fit as Sirius Black and it was a serious problem.

"You're far more fit than Sirius! And I feel like I should tell you that I also quite like you," I told him and it hung in the air around us. "At least when you're not being a dick and running away after I make you cum. Shit, you could've at least said thank you before you bolted."

He groaned and covered his face with his hands, lying it on the table in front of him. "Jesus, I did just run away, didn't I?

I grimaced and nodded my head, making him groan even louder. "If it makes you feel any better, that was my first orgasm. From another person, anyway."

That made him perk up and look at me with hooded eyes. "Yeah?"

I nodded, a bit of embarrassment gathering in my belly but not enough to stop me. "I've had sex and it didn't feel like that. So, you know, congratulations."

"You're making fun of me, aren't you?" he asked a beat later, making me purse my lips in surprise as I looked at him. "I couldn't even find your… _you know_."

His sudden bashfulness made me smile, it was adorable. "You're hardly the first man who needed help finding a _clitoris_ and you won't be the last. At least next time you'll know where it is."

He was still bashful, but I saw a glimmer of the look he'd flashed me in the closet cross his face. I went back to drinking my hot chocolate, figuring the mug had to be charmed because it was still nice and warm.

"I can't tell you why I push you away," he said a bit later as we were walking back to my common room. "I want to be with you, but I can't tell you about a huge part of who I am because I don't want to hurt you. It's not fair you can't have all of me, T. You need to find a guy who can share every part of himself with you."

I turned to face him at the bottom of the staircase that lead to Ravenclaw Tower with my hands on my hips. "I believe that's my decision to make, Remus Lupin!"

"Do you have to make everything so bloody difficult?" he asked, looking around in exasperation. "I'm trying to keep you from getting hurt! You don't deserve to be hurt anymore, you've been through hell this year!"

"And the only time it feels like things are going to be okay is when I'm with you so stop pushing me away, dammit!" I argued back, stomping my foot for emphasis.

He looked at a loss because he knew I wasn't going to back down. "You're not going to feel that way when you find out what I'm trying to keep from you."

"You want me to leave you alone, don't you? Well, maybe if you tell me and see that it isn't the end of the world, you'll realize I'm right," I challenged, taking a new path. "I want to be with you!"

"I'm a werewolf, Thea. Okay? I'm a werewolf and I don't want to hurt you so we can't be together," he told me in an exasperated voice before walking away and leaving me confused at the bottom of the staircase.

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 **Things are about to get hella interesting!**


	17. Chapter 17

**This chapter is basically just fluffy because I got a bit carried away. There will be actual plot returning next chapter so keep an eye out for that!**

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I sat back on the stairs for almost three hours after Remus left. He was a werewolf? That made sense, I suppose, thinking back on it now. He was always so drained right after the full moon and he was covered in scars. It also explained the out-of-character make out session in the broom closet -it was the night of the full moon. I remember learning werewolves had poor control right before they transformed.

I knew I should probably be frightened of what he was, but I wasn't. Remus was gentle and kind, well, at least when he wasn't being a complete dick. He'd never been messing with my head, he was just trying to push me away even if it was the last thing he wanted. He only let me believe he was so I wouldn't get hurt. Jeez, the dude almost let Lacey castrate him instead of hurting me.

My feet were moving before I even realized I'd made the decision and I walked up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower with a passion. The Fat Lady, their name for her not me being an asshole, eyed me skeptically. She probably recognized me vaguely, but my Ravenclaw scarf gave away I wasn't in her House.

"Kneazle," I told her, a determined set to my jaw. "At least it was and I hope it still is because I have a boy to sweep off his feet."

She eyed me with a calculating look on her face before she decided to open. She didn't say if that was the password, but I didn't wait around to find out. I knew Remus was in his room, beating himself up over 'ruining' our relationship. Stupid werewolf.

A few kids looked at me strangely with my Ravenclaw scarf draped over my shoulders, but I paid them no mind as I climbed the stairs. I threw open the boys' door, ignoring the naked Sirius who screamed, and dove into Remus' curtains.

He looked at me with big eyes and I saw that he'd been picking nervously as a bumpy scar on his hand because it was bleeding onto his pants. I ducked out to grab his dittany before dropping it on the wound and watching it heal immediately. Then I tossed the bottle to the end of his bed, straddled his lap, and pulled his face to mine confidently.

Instead of overwhelming him, I made the kiss as tender as I could. I stroked my thumbs over his cheekbones and ghosted my tongue along his bottom lip. He shuttered and parted his lips, letting me do what I wanted as his hands remained on the bed beside us. I moved one of my hands back to lace in his hair as I kissed him lovingly.

I didn't realize he was making noises until his hands gripped my hips. They were tiny little whimpers, making my heart squeeze before soaring out the top of my head. I pulled back from him when it started getting hard to breathe but kept my hands where they were.

"I don't care you're a werewolf, Rem," I told him certainly. "If that's the only thing keeping you from being with me, it doesn't matter. I can be around werewolves as a fox and they don't want to hurt me so you won't hurt me."

He laughed genuinely that time, brushing his nose against mine affectionately. "So, you've put all the pieces together, have you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, his nose resting against mine and making me smile.

"I was the werewolf you saw that night," he told me without hesitation. "In the Forbidden Forest, I was the wolf."

I pulled back from him and felt my jaw drop. It made so much sense finally! His eyes were so familiar and so was the way his nose brushed mine now that I thought about it. I couldn't fight the grin that tugged at my lips then and let out an excited squeal, unable to help myself.

"Oh my god, you were!" I cried, kissing his lips. "I should've known, no one else has eyes like you. The noses brushes should've been a dead giveaway."

"Yeah, I worried you'd figure it out," he told me, a weight seemingly lifted from his shoulders. "But I couldn't seem to stop myself, it's how wolves show affection."

I had so many questions and so many more things to say, but none of them were important in this second. Instead, I tossed my cloak out of the curtains and pulled him close as I laid in his bed. I was allowed to touch now and I took advantage.

"Can I do this?" I asked, my fingers just sliding under his jumper. "I won't take it off or anything, I just want to touch. You can too if you want."

He chucked before ruffling the skirt of my dress. "I don't think I can, love."

"You didn't have a problem sliding your hands under my skirt before," I teased, still leaving my fingers against the soft wool of his jumper.

He groaned at that and I snickered, he was so easy to rile up. "You can, but I have scars so don't be surprised."

Without thinking, I leaned forward and bit the tip of his nose playfully. "Good, texture makes things more fun."

"You are going to kill me," he grunted out before ducking down and sealing our lips together.

I nipped his bottom lip in response before sliding my hand under his jumper. The first thing my fingers brushed was a scar that felt a lot like a set of teeth over his hip. I ran my fingers over each dip and knew I was right, but I didn't pull away from him to ask. My fingers continued their journey, tracing over both the raised flesh and the sunk in flesh as I tried my best to learn the shape of his body.

His hand was resting on my thigh just under my skirt and I snorted, pulling back from him to ask, "Not so handsy when it isn't the full moon, eh?"

He pulled completely back from me, sitting on his knees, and looked at me fully. "I am so sorry about that, it wasn't fair."

He was slowly working himself up and I didn't want that so I decided to change the subject and sat up with him. "So, who were the animals you galivanted around with the night I found you?"

Sirius poked his head through the curtain on one side with James on the other, Peter squeezing in just underneath him. "That would be us!"

"Hold up, you're kidding!" I exclaimed, moving my hand out from under Remus' jumper and sitting up to look at all of them. "Are you Animagi?"

"Unregister, yes. Illegal, even more yes," Sirius told me, shrugging his shoulders. "Big, black dog reporting for duty."

"Stag's here, too," James added, making Remus groan. Ignoring him, James then rubbed his knuckles against Peter's head and said, "Along with the rat."

I looked from person to person as I had a realization that made my heart jump to my throat. "Did the three of you turn so you could be with him?"

They were quiet until Remus answered. "Yes. I'm not very nice to myself when I'm by myself because I don't want to hurt people. You felt what happens when I'm alone."

My eyes overflowed -they were doing something illegal that could put them in Azkaban to help their friend. That was the most selfless thing I'd ever heard and it made me look at each of them in a new light. I also knew how difficult it was to become one, dad talked about it sometimes. They were even smarter than I already thought.

"That is brilliant," I said finally as they watched me with baited breath. "Absolutely, positively brilliant."

"Bloody hell, Moony, control your bird!" Sirius exclaimed. "She's blubbering about like a whale or something."

"Hush, puppy!" I snapped without my normal bite and made the other three explode with laughter. "Oh, that one is definitely going to be repeated."

* * *

I was still lying in Remus' bed with him, his head resting on my chest as he snored quietly. He told me everything, how he was bitten when he was four and how his father blamed himself so fiercely he'd cut himself off from his family. He told me about his mother being kind and happy enough for all of them and always cleaning him up after full moons when he was a kid.

Instead of being filled with happiness like I was when the boys told me what they'd done for Remus, I was full of bitterness and anger. He was a baby when his life was taken from him and there was nothing I could do. I knew he'd forgiven his father years ago, but I was still angry even if it wasn't necessarily his fault. I just wanted to be angry because he wasn't even though he had every right to be.

"You're pulling my hair too tightly, love," Remus said in a gravelly voice against my collarbone before kissing it chastely. "Not that I'm complaining, it just woke me."

I released it and ran my fingers through the waves instead. "I'm sorry, I was just thinking."

"It's fine, my stomach is growling anyway," he said, stretching out and looking up at me with happy hazel eyes. "You're beautiful."

I felt my cheeks flush and looked down at the crumpled fabric of my dress instead of his face. He had a field day with that one, laughing as he tilted my head up so I had to look at him.

"Did I just make you blush?" he asked, kissing my forehead. "I think I like you best with flushed cheeks, love."

"Merlin's beard, can you two stop flirting? It's time for dinner!" James shouted and I heard the door open a bit later. "Or at least work on your silencing charms, woman!"

"I hate your roommates; did you know that?" I asked, letting him get up from the bed and stretch out. A patch of stomach between his jumper and his trousers appeared, revealing a trail of hair that disappeared beneath his belt. "You're quite yummy, Remmy."

"Don't do that, I'm starving," he whined, lowering his arms and looking at me. "When you talk like that, the last thing I want to do is leave this bed."

I moved up onto my knees and crawled over to him, my hands resting flat against his belly under his jumper. "Oh, yeah? And what's the first thing you want to do?"

He quirked at eyebrow at me before smirking and saying, "You, obviously."

I gasped at his brashness, an excited tingle settling between my thighs. "We need to go before I deflower you on an empty stomach. The last thing I want is you passing out before you make me cum."

"Last time I checked, I didn't have a problem."

Jesus Christ, confident Remus wasn't something I was ready for. The way he smirked and raised a brow made me want to bend over the closest thing and let him fuck me into oblivion. I knew that wasn't what needed to happen, he was deserving of a first time he could remember instead of a tryst with me bent over the footboard of his bed.

I ducked over his bed, just past his hips, and grabbed my shoes from the floor. Then I handed them to Remus and extended my leg, laying my back on the bed. He flashed me a pointed look before unbuckling my heel and sliding it on my foot, putting the buckle back in place. He repeated the action with my other foot and pulled me into a standing position.

"You are too much," he whispered, brushing our noses together. "I love it."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my forehead against his shoulder. "Are you sure you're hungry? Because we can stay in and you could eat what my mother made."

"What did she make?" he asked twisting his fingers in the curls laying on my back.

I wanted to see his face so I leaned back and held his eyes when I said, "Me."

He moaned and slid his hands down to grip my ass, holding it tight as he kissed me. A desperate whimper echoed from the back of my throat as I gripped his jumper tightly in my hands.

When he pulled back, his eyes were wild and his lips were plump and kissed red. "We need to go before I devour you."

I laughed and ran my fingers teasing through the trail of hair on his belly. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

He stepped back from me and offered his hand. "Come on, pretty girl. Let's go eat."

I sighed dramatically but smiled as he led the way downstairs. I realized as we entered the Great Hall together, I'd go just about anywhere if he led me. That was both terrifying and comforting at the same time, but I'd learned that was something he might always make me feel.

"I'll see you later, yeah?" I asked, standing on my tiptoes to kiss him. "Bye."

He kissed me once more before he said, "Bye, love. I'll see you."

We parted with me going to the Ravenclaw table and him going to the Gryffindor table. Lacey's eyes were huge as I sat across from her beside Jalen. They were all looking at me as I put mashed potatoes onto my plate.

"Are you two together?" Lacey asked, her plate still empty. "Like, _together_ together?"

I bit my bottom lip and fiddled with my fingers before I said, "Yeah, I think so."

She eyed him across the Hall and I looked over my shoulder to see him already looking in our direction. Instead of looking away like he used to, he just smiled at me and winked. I scrunched my nose and smiling brilliantly at him.

"Gross, you two are together," Kadence, another girl from our dorm, whined. "I'm glad you're happy, but please don't shag in the dorm without a silencing charm."

She flashed her eyes over to Lacey and I snorted. The last time Dorcas stayed with her, she'd woken all of us up with her screams. I'd shot a spell their way, but the damage had already been done.

"That's what Sirius said," I replied, making Jalen roll her eyes.

We went back to our food and talked happily together. Even if we were in the middle of a war, it felt like everything was going to be okay. If only for a little while.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! I really appreciate all of you!**

 **I also want to tell the guest who reviewed the last chapter thank you so much! The one who gave me so much feedback, I'm sure you know who you are!**


	18. Chapter 18

**There is content in this chapter! Nothing crazy, just a minor sexual act and a bit of vulgar language.**

* * *

"Today we will be brewing the world's strongest love potion," Slughorn announced, making excited whispers explode amongst the class. "It takes great concentration, I believe this is the most dangerous potion in the wizarding world. I'm going to let you have all class to brew, so get started."

Remus and I developed a system for Potions after the greenhouse incident. He gathered all our ingredients while I prepared the station, mostly because the thought of being in that closet with the possibility of Rosier joining me made my heart pound against my sternum rapidly. Also, if I was in full view of Slughorn, no one could do anything to me -even in the back of the classroom where we sat.

He made it back to me just as our cauldron started boiling, sitting the ingredients on the table. I slid my potions' book over so we could share it as we worked together. Since I'd almost blinded myself, I was very careful with everything I did.

"You're very sexy when you're concentrating. Did you know that?" he mused, twisting a loose curl around his finger and tugging teasingly. "Are you going to smell me in this potion?"

I looked up at him and faked surprise, tilting my head in mock-confusion. "Oh, my goodness, have we met before? You're very handsy for a stranger."

We were sitting furthest from the front so no one saw when he smacked my ass. I looked over at him in surprise before giggling stupidly. I reached across the table, leaning into his chest a bit more than necessary, to grab some of the rose petals to toss in the cauldron. We focused on the potion after that, trying to make it as perfect as possible.

"So, are you going home next week?" he asked, stirring the contents as the color started to turn pearly like it was supposed to. "Would you look at that? It's almost like we know what we're doing."

I snorted and tossed in a handful of Himalayan sea salt, making the steam come out in a swirl. "I think our potion is almost finished, but there's only one way to know for sure. What do you smell?"

He rolled his eyes but leaned over and inhaled regardless, "Chocolate, the library, honeysuckle, and cinnamon porridge. Your turn now, love."

I tried to ignore the twinge of disappointment that flooded me when nothing in his potion smelled like me and took a sniff of my own. "My mum's perfume, parchment freshly soaked in ink, freshly cut hay, and crème."

I knew the crème was for Remus because it also had a tinge of chocolate attached. It reminded me of the night in the kitchens, the night he told me the truth finally. I saw him trying to calculate when the scents meant in relation to him while I poured a ladle full of potion into a vial for Slughorn. I dropped a kiss onto his head before heading up to the desk to turn our assignment.

"Ah, Miss Hathaway and Mr. Lupin! Your potion looks brilliant, but let's put it to the test, shall we?" he suggested, holding up his wand to tap the vial. I don't know what he was doing exactly, but I knew what the smile on his round face meant. "Wonderful! Full marks! I daresay this potion would make every in this room deeply infatuated!"

"Too late for that," a girl teased, making me roll my eyes.

"Don't worry, professor, I would never use a potion to manipulate someone," I told him, overdoing how saccharine my voice was. "Sadly, I don't think I can say the same for my classmates. I saw Misty pocket a vial of her potion before she came up here. It's sad the length some people would go to for attention."

I knew she was the girl who made the remark about me and it just so happened that I _did_ see her pocket a vial of potion. After Slughorn dismissed Remus and I, I had a bit of a spring in my step. That was the girl I used to be, the one who didn't take shit from people. I hadn't seen her in a long time and missed her.

"Where'd that come from, love?" Remus asked, wordlessly taking my bag from me and shouldering it. "I missed your fire."

"If you loved fiery Thea in there, you're going to love her when you take her up to your dorm room," I grinned, pinching his hip before running toward Gryffindor Tower with him racing behind me.

* * *

"You asked if I was going home next week earlier, but I never got to answer," I said, running my fingers over his stomach.

We were lying together in his bed, him on his back and me on my stomach with my chin resting on his chest. We'd made out but gone no further than kissing when we came up to his dorm. We'd shed our robes and ties and our shirts were untucked from wandering hands. I really, _really_ liked kissing Remus Lupin, let me say that right now.

"Yeah, the guys are heading home, but I think I'm going to stay here," he said, trying to play nonchalant and failing because I knew his facial expressions too well.

I thought through the moon chart I'd made for Astronomy and made a noise of understanding. "There's a full moon next week, isn't there, lovey?"

He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and worried over it with his teeth. "How do you see right through me like that? I don't appreciate it very much. I enjoyed being the mysterious Marauder."

"My stupid, selfless lovey," I sighed, stretching up and kissing under his chin. "I'm going to stay and go with you, don't even try to argue with me!"

"There is no argument, that's not happening," he told me, sitting up and causing me to roll off him with a huff. "No room for debate."

"Good thing I'm not debating then," I told him defiantly. "You don't tell me what I can and can't do, we've already had this discussion. You don't get to make my decisions for me."

His eyes held mine, trying to be an alpha-male and will me into submission. He even let out a warning growl, but I refused to back down. If I wasn't so focused on holding my ground, his show of dominance would've made me a puddle on his sheets…

"I don't care how scary you are," I said, moving closer to him and holding his face in my palms. "You hurt yourself when you're alone, and I do not want you to hurt any more than you're already going to. I felt the teeth on your hip, I hate that you have to do that."

I'd done research over werewolves so I could understand him better and help him be more comfortable post-transformation. Even if he didn't hurt himself during his time as a wolf, his body would still ache the next day. All his bones broke and realigned to change into the wolf and then did it again to change back to human.

"You aren't going to back down, are you?" he asked pitifully. When I shook my head, he said, "I don't want to hurt you."

I pushed him back down and straddled his waist, pinning his hands down by his head so he couldn't move. "I'm not going to let you wreck yourself down there alone. Get over it."

He whined and flashed puppy dog eyes at me, but I held strong. Before I even realized what he was doing, he'd ripped his hands out of my grip and had me pinned under him in seconds. I sucked in a surprised breath of air and looked up at him with big eyes -horny, pre-full moon Remus was here and desperate for me.

"You are bloody fantastic, did you know that?" he asked, pressing harsh, wet kisses along my jaw and throat. "My girl wants me even if I'm a monster."

I wanted to correct him, but the nibbles he was placing on my collarbone froze the words on my tongue. I raised my leg and hooked it over his hip to grind my center against the bulge growing in the front of his trousers. Something had to relieve the heat welling up inside me from his sinful mouth.

"Rem, don't get carried away," I whined, a squeaky noise leaving my lips when he bit a little harsher at the base of my neck. "We have class soon, love. Fucking hell, I don't want to stop, but we have to, lovey."

He growled and made me gush as a breathy sound left me. "God, you smell brilliant. I have to taste you."

A absolutely pathetic sound left me as I shook my head. "We don't have enough time, but I wish we did. Next week, I'll let you do whatever you want to me, okay?"

He would never make me do something I didn't want so he rolled off me and tried to even out his voice. "As if I needed something to make me harder, T."

"You're not alone, I'm clenching on air at this point," I sighed, taking his hand in mine and twining our fingers. "I need to go or I'm going to do something desperate like ride your face."

"Stop talking like that or I'm going to cum in my pants," he groaned, squeezing my hand.

That made me snort and sit up to get redressed. I was pulling my robes back on by the time he'd gathered himself. At least, he gathered himself as much as he could, but his trousers were still tented.

"Come here, lovey," I sighed, shrugging my robes back off and unbuttoning his pants. "Can you cum quick?"

"You could honestly keep talking and I'll bust," he huffed, biting his bottom lip when I slid my hand down to grip him. "Merlin's beard, I'm already so close."

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed under his ear as I started pumping him. I got about two in before he wet my hand and made me laugh. I kissed his cheek before casting a cleansing charm and heading to Ancient Runes with a pleased smirk on my lips. Wet panties be damned, I'd do just about anything to make him cum. His gruff voice saying whatever came to his mind with no filter was another one of my favorite things.

…

I sent an owl home to my parents, telling them a friend needed me so I couldn't come home for break. Then I walked Lacey down to the train, hugging her and wishing her a happy Christmas before she left. I should also mention she told me to 'be safe' almost seven times and showed me how to do a prophylactic charm as if she ever used one.

When I came back to the castle, I saw Remus waiting for me at the entrance. He wrapped his arm around me and his warmth instantly sank into my bones. I was already wearing his jumper over fur-lined leggings, but the extra addition of his body heat was nice. He ran a little hotter closer to the full moon, something I'd also read about during my research session in the library.

"Do you want to go get lunch?" he asked, pulling me impossibly closer as we walked. "You're freezing. Does your body even make heat?"

"Why would it? I have you and your endless supply of comfy jumpers," I replied, placing my hand on his belly and biting his shoulder playfully. "Also, you run hotter before your time of the month."

"Have you been talking to Sirius?" he asked, stopping in the middle of the hall to look me in the eye.

I raised an eyebrow in confusion before I replied, "Not any more than usual… why?"

"That's what he calls my _situation_ ," he answered, running a hand over his hair. "That or my furry little problem."

"Oh, that makes sense! The running gag is you having a rabid bunny," I teased, pushing his chest. "Let's go eat, yeah?"

He sighed but didn't disagree, letting me lead the way to the Great Hall. Thankfully, the Slytherin table was completely empty except for a couple first years. I could breathe easy, if only for the break. Not that I figured I'd be leaving Gryffindor Tower much, but then again, I didn't do too well in Divinations so who knows?

Remus and I sat at the Ravenclaw table together to switch things up while I tried to keep my breathing even with his hand resting on my thigh. Him touching me took a bit of getting used to, considering how standoffish he had tended to be sometimes. Now that I knew all his secrets, he was practically an open book with me. He still wasn't a big fan of PDA, but that was understandable. He appreciated flying under the radar, and licking my tonsils outside Charms didn't exactly allow him to do that.

I finished eating before him so it gave me time to really study him without him knowing. His hair fell over his forehead in a messy swoop that I loved to run my fingers through. His cheekbones were sharp and accentuated by the scars along his nose. He wasn't looking at me, but I also loved his eyes. I never believed haze eyes existed until I looked into his and I was sold. They also had a gold ring around them near the full moon, making them look even more bright.

"You're really handsome," I told him as he ate some of the chocolate pudding from the center of the table. He jolted a little and flashed his eyes over to me in disbelief, "I'm serious!"

He finished eating before he replied. "You've already got me, you don't have to win me over."

I stuck my tongue out at him and he plopped a glob of pudding on it in retaliation. I gagged a little but ate the pudding anyway. Then I kissed the tip of his nose and we left the Great Hall to cuddle by the fire under a warm blanket.

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 **Thanks! Don't forget to review! Also, if there are spelling/grammar issues, please let me know!**


	19. Chapter 19

**This is smut, but there is also plot don't worry.**

* * *

The full moon was two days away and Christmas was exactly five. One countdown was full of excitement while the other was bogged down with nerves practically wafting off Remus. He was never more than a couple feet from me and it made electricity course through me every single time his skin brushed mine.

We were currently in the common room together with a handful of other students. I was in a different one of his jumpers and another pair of leggings while he wore jeans and a jumper of his own. His socks had a hole right over his big toe and it sometimes made an appearance, making me snort every single time.

He was reading while I sketched him roughly on a piece of parchment. I'd never been much of an artist, but there wasn't anything else to be doing. The boy was also so beautiful, museum walls should be filled with drawings of him from every angle. I was only a little embarrassed to admit more than a couple of my notes for Potions had his face scribbled into the corner.

"Why are you staring at me so much?" he asked without looking up from his book. "Also, if you're just going to sit there, can you hand me that chocolate on the table?"

I huffed but did as he asked, handing him a couple of the sweets before taking one of my own. He flashed me a look and I smiled, popping it into my mouth and licking the melted chocolate off my thumb innocently. The gold ring around his irises flashed and he licked his lips, gesturing to the staircase with his head subtly.

I tapped my chin like I was thinking, I didn't want to seem too ready to jump. Even if the only thing I wanted to do in this entire castle was sitting on the couch with me, he couldn't know that just yet. Okay, so I wasn't ready to have full sex with him or anyone just yet… I really wanted to be close to him though so I nodded and followed his back upstairs.

I laid back on his bed and ate another piece of chocolate I'd taken from the table. Remus was standing at the foot of his bed, just watching me. I sucked in my cheeks and positioned myself goofily on his bed, making him snort and crawl up to lay beside me.

"I think we should talk about boundaries," I suggested, licking the chocolate from my lips and watching his eyes follow my tongue's movements. I snapped my fingers in his face and he looked up at me immediately. "I'm not ready to have sex yet."

He reached forward and traced his fingers over the skin between my eyebrows until I relaxed. "That's fine, I want whatever you want."

"I seem to remember a promise I made before classes ended," I suggested, reaching up and brushing his hair back out of his face. "Something about tasting me…"

He raised his brows and dove forward, pressing his lips to mine hastily. I laughed into the kiss and felt him smile before becoming serious again. His hands gripped my waist and pulled me on top of him, sliding his hands up the back of my jumper. I pulled up from him, sitting astride his hips, and pulled the jumper over my head.

I watched his eyes grow a few sizes as he took me in. The two of us hadn't been this naked together yet so I didn't blame him. He timidly moved his hands from my hips to trace the lines of my hipbones and smooth skin of my stomach. His fingers were rough, the years of his harsh transformation apparent in them. His fingertips left no inch of skin untouched as they moved to my back.

"Merlin, I didn't know skin could be so soft," he mused quietly, finally looking up at me.

I laughed and leaned back down, connecting our lips easily. The kiss was playful, he and I nipping at each other before soothing it over with our tongues. He brought a hand up to cup the side of my face while the other held my hip.

I wanted to take his top of too, but I had a feeling that wasn't going to happen. He wasn't a fan of his body and was reluctant to let me touch it, much less let me see it. I pushed a hand up his shirt and ran my fingers over the bite mark on his hip, hoping he'd get what I wanted. I sat back up when he didn't and looked down at him, my bottom lip between my teeth as I played with the edge of his shirt.

"I know you're nervous and self-conscious, but I want to see you," I told him quietly. "Only if you want."

When he started chewing his bottom lip nervously, I reached up and pulled it free with my thumb. I watched a war play out behind his eyes as he thought about the pros and cons of taking off his sweater.

To give him more time to think, I reached up and took the hair tie out of my hair. My unstyled waves tumbled down my shoulders. He sat up slowly and grabbed the back of his jumper, pulling it slowly over his head and tossing it to the floor.

His eyes were shut tight, but mine had never been more open. I started up at his shoulders and moved my fingers down the lines of his body. I was so focused on the dips and rises in his skin, I didn't notice him open his eyes. He started spluttering out apologies and trying to cover himself shamefully, but I wasn't having any of that. I dipped down and starting pressing kisses to the marred skin, becoming sloppier as I got lower.

I'd just kissed along the teeth marks on his hip bone when I realized how close I was to his crotch. Even if this was completely different and I knew Remus would never force me to do anything, I flashed back to _that_ night. My breathing started getting labored and my throat started burning, my nails digging into the denim encasing his thigh as my anxiety rose.

"T?" he asked somewhere distantly. "Thea, hey, come here! Are you okay, love?"

He pulled me up into his arms and brushed my hair back over my shoulders. His hands were rubbing soothing circles into my lower back as I laid my forehead against his shoulder. My therapist told me to focus on something and count to ten in my head slowly whenever I got overwhelmed like this.

I lifted my head from his shoulder and saw an afghan tossed over his headboard. It was red and gold and obviously handmade. I counted the stitches and felt my shoulders stop heaving, and I could hear Remus talking quietly in the background again instead of the blood rushing in my ears.

With my arms tucked underneath his, I pressed myself against his chest and rested my head in the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry I ruined this, I know you wanted things to be sexy. There's nothing quite as unsexy as your girlfriend having a panic attack because she got too close to your crotch."

"I didn't expect anything less, love," he told me in an even voice. "I didn't want you to go anywhere near there, it was supposed to be about you. After everything, you deserve to feel good, princess."

His nickname made me pull away from his neck to look him in the eye. "You did _not_ just call me princess!"

"Of course, you calm down enough to give me shit," he sighed, but I could see the relief in his eyes. "I would still like to make you feel good, if you want anyway. I don't want to push you."

"I swear it's not because I don't trust you or think you'd make me do anything I wasn't comfortable with," I promised, taking his hands in mine. "I promised you could do whatever you wanted and I stick by that."

I could see him getting ready to argue with me so I leaned forward to kiss him. I wanted to silence his protests and let him know I wanted him. I was comfortable in his bed with him, I always have been.

The kiss seemed to help him decide what he was going to do because he gently moved me underneath him. His lips were gentle on mine as he let his hands explore my body some more. He kissed down to the waistband of my leggings before pulling back and raising my legs so he could take my socks off.

He raised a brow and looked up at me in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

My socks had little foxes on them, a gift from Lacey a couple birthdays ago. "No, I'm Thea. Would you rather be here with him instead?"

He glared up at me and I held up my hands in surrender, snickering at his reaction. He took the socks off and they joined our tops on the floor. Then he rested his hands on the edge of my leggings again, looking up at me for permission.

"You can take them off," I answered, biting my lip nervously. "My knickers too, just so you know."

"Jesus," he breathed, peeling the black spandex down my legs and kissing his way back up to my knickers.

Instead of taking them off like I said he could, he continued his kisses up to my neck. He sucked just below my jaw and made a whimper leave my throat. He flattened his hand on my stomach and eased it down past the band of my panties.

"With your help, I know just where to touch to make you squirm," he teased, nibbling the shell of my ear. "Just tell me it's okay to touch."

"Please, please fucking touch me," I whined, only for him to remove his hand from my knickers completely and pulling them off. "Why? I want to cum."

"Christ, your mouth is pure sin," he groaned against my throat. "Can I take off your bra or is that too much?"

He lifted his head to look at me and I swallowed thickly. "Just don't hurt me again, okay?"

I'm not a virgin, but I was never fully naked around Gideon. He usually just moved my panties to the side and lowered the cup of my bra if he even did that. If Remus were to pull away from me after I gave him this part of me, I would be devastated. Suddenly, I wished I'd waited to lose my virginity to Remus and regretted tossing it away with Gideon.

"I swear, I'll never do that again," he promised, his eyes holding mine genuinely. "God, I'll never do anything to jeopardize us ever again."

"The clasp is in the front," I told him, my eyes still gazing into his as he fumbled. "Do you want me to do it? It's just a snap."

He growled at me in warning as he finally unsnapped it, making me whimper and hook a leg over his hips. I forgot he was still wearing his jeans and a surge of pleasure coursed through me the thin material of my panties pressed against the rough denim.

His hand gripped my hip and pinned me to the bed. "No! You can't do that, you're too wet and I'll cum."

"I'll stop if you take your pants off," I bargained, arching my back so he could toss the bra away.

He chuckled at that but did what I asked, allowing me to unbutton and unzip his jeans. Once they were gone, he busied himself with kissing my newly exposed skin. His tongue dipped out timidly and licked a nipple, making me groan and arch up into him. He moved his hand into my panties again and slid a finger inside me.

He curled it and brushed against my walls, exploring. He'd never been inside a girl before and he wanted to be thorough -he was such a nerd. He started sucking one of my nipples and I was letting out noises I'd never made before. It never felt that amazing when Gideon did it. Remus spread his kisses along the expanse of my belly and made me giggle.

"If you don't want this, it's okay," he told me, resting his chin on my lower stomach and looking up at me.

His voice was rougher than I've ever heard it and I could see how much he wanted this behind his eyes but the decision was mine. "God, I really do! This might be the only time I'll ever beg for you so enjoy it."

"Yes, princess," he teased, bowing down and kissing my inner thighs. I could feel him suck a mark into one before he breathed, "Jesus, it shouldn't be legal to smell this good. I swear to Godric, I could spend the rest of my life down here."

"And you say I'm the one with a dirty mouth," I told him, carding my fingers in his hair. "Yours is downright filthy."

He smirked up at me and I swear I could've came right then and there. When his tongue slid through my folds, I had to cover my mouth to keep in my embarrassingly loud scream. I would NOT become a screamer for him, I wouldn't give him the pleasure of that -at least if I could help it.

He worked another finger into me along with the first and crooked them up. They brushed against a spot inside of me and a yelp worked its way past my hand. He took that as a good sign and started hitting that spot with every thrust of his fingers. He was lapping from my entrance where his fingers stretched me open to my clit where he'd give a suck and quick flick of his tongue.

"You should not be this good!" I whined, pulling his hair. "You said I was the first girl you've been with."

He lifted his head but kept his fingers moving inside me to reply. "You are very responsive, love. I'm just letting you guide me."

I stuck my tongue out and he did the same, except he rubbed his against my clit. My stomach was knotting up and heat was gathering in the bottom, I was about to cum. He must've felt me clenching around his fingers because he let me direct his head up to where I wanted and went double time -his teasing finally coming to a halt.

At one point, he must've tossed my leg over his shoulder to get closer because I saw it tensing as the coil in my belly snapped. I said his name a bit too loud and whiny, but I couldn't find it in me to care very much as waves of pleasure coursed through my body. I was still whimpering deep in my throat when he kissed up to my face and pressed his lips to mine. Even if he tasted like me, I pressed my tongue against his passionately.

I tried to catch my breath as he laid beside me and pulled me close to him, raining kisses down on top of my head. When I could finally breathe normally again, I started laughing and looked up at him with a huge smile.

"You're cute in post-orgasmic bliss," he teased, tapping my nose and making me grin stupidly.

I slapped his belly teasingly and saw his pants were still tented. I kissed his throat and ran my fingers over his waistband. His hand grasped mine immediately and made me look up at his face questioningly. Did he not want me?

"Don't do anything you don't want to," he told me, but his eyes were screaming for me to touch him.

"I like the way you look when you cum," I argued, grabbing my wand from the foot of the bed and looking at him again. "Can I take these off?"

He reached down and grabbed his pants, pushing them down his hips and kicking them to the floor. I smiled and kissing his collarbone before looking down. No flashbacks were present as I cast a lubrication charm on my hand. If Gideon taught me anything, dry handjobs were not a fun experience. Also, Remus was a lot bigger than him -both longer and thicker… seeing if he fit inside me later was going to be interesting.

I reached out to grip him and he asked in a shaky voice, "Do I even want to know why you know that charm?"

"Why? Planning on using it when you think about this later?" I asked, a playful lilt in my voice. "Why don't you just find me instead?"

I moved my hand up and down the entirety of his length after I finished teasing, still looking up at him. I could tell he wanted to close his eyes but hated the thought of looking away from me. I took mercy on him and dipped down to kiss his chest, sucking a mark into his collarbone.

His hand gripped my elbow and I immediately knew why. I could feel him pulsing in my hand, I didn't expect this to last very long anyway. I gave him one final pump and felt him cum in my hand. I cleaned him up with a wave of my wand before cuddling back into his side with the covers pulled over us.

"I don't know about you, but I'm very sleepy," I told him in a quiet voice.

"A nap sounds brilliant, princess," he replied, pulling the curtains closed to give us darkness.

I sighed but decided to give up. That was just another nickname to add to my arsenal apparently.

* * *

 **I appreciate each and every one of you all! Thanks a million, trillion times for reviewing/favoriting/following this story! It means a lot you really enjoy it as much as I do.**


	20. Chapter 20

**This is Thea and Remus' very first full moon together alone! I hope it stayed realistic with only a little bit of romanticization for the story's sake.**

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I woke up the day of the full moon to Remus staring up at the canopy of my bed. We'd changed locations when I complained about missing my bed. All my roommates went home for the holiday so we had the run of this dorm, too. I turned onto my side and kissed from his shoulder up his neck, making him groan and point his wand at my mouth to cast a cleansing charm.

"Wow, I was trying to be cute!" I whined, biting his shoulder this time and making him wince. When he ignored me, I sighed and moved to sit on his stomach. "I will not be ignored, Remus John Lupin!"

"Trust me, love, I know that," he sighed, reaching up to hold my hips automatically. "I'm just worried about you coming with me tonight. I'm afraid I'll hurt you or worse…"

He was scared of biting me or killing me, he didn't have to say it out loud for me to know. Instead of arguing, I laid down against his chest with my head tucked under his chin. Smothering him with affection always soothed his frazzled nerves and this time was no exception. One of his hands reached up to scratch at my scalp while the other ran the length of my spine.

Eventually, we got up and dressed to get some lunch. I rested my hand on his knee as we ate, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye every now and then. He looked so tired and sick, I wanted to take this stupid curse away from him more than anything. It aged him every single time he changed, I could see the beginnings of gray hair around his temples and lines at the edges of his eyes no sixteen-year-old should have.

"I can feel your eyes on me, princess. What's wrong?" he asked, not looking away from his bowl of stew.

"Just taking in how handsome you are," I answered easily before turning back to my own bowl. "I'm a very lucky girl, that's all."

He looked over at me with a morose look and said, "Let's see if you change your mind after tonight."

I just rolled my eyes and left my hand resting on his leg, trying to ignore his snide remark. I'd already seen him as a werewolf, I just wasn't aware it was him at the time. But, I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I did know it was him. There were parts of the wolf that were too familiar to ignore, the parts of Remus I adored the most.

"I think I knew it was you that night in the Forest," I mused, eating the banana bread I'd grabbed from the middle.

He raised a brow at that and asked, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know, you were just so familiar -all of you were familiar," I told him. "I think I'd recognize your eyes anywhere. And the way I feel when you look at me, the rush of warmth and safety that overwhelms me. Then there were the nose brushes, I didn't make that connection for a while."

He leaned down and brushed my nose to prove a point, letting me see the gold ring around his retinas. I gave his knee a comforting squeeze because I knew he was still nervous, even after my admittance. I suppose I could let him go alone tonight, but the thought of that made me want to cry. He was already so angry with himself, I was afraid of what would come back to me in the morning.

"I'm afraid of what'll come back to me in the morning if I don't go with you tonight," I told him, pushing my bread away as a wave of nausea rolled through me. "You're upset and I read that _Moony_ feeds off Remus' previous emotions."

Even if there weren't any people close to us, I was skittish to saw 'wolf' or 'werewolf' out loud. The last thing I wanted was to out him, I knew that was his biggest fear. Well, being outed and hurting someone were his biggest fears anyway.

"I'll spend the rest of my life wondering what I did to deserve you," he sighed, knowing I wasn't going to back down. "I go to the Shack at dusk to get ready."

I nodded and bit my lip, anxiety settling in but not the kind I expected. "How do you want to do this? I don't want to crowd you or intrude on Moony. I'm not the others, will he be angry I'm there and they're not?"

"From what I can remember, _Moony_ is quite fond of you," he smirked, putting emphasis on his nickname. "The guys shift before me because he's not a fan of humans."

I nodded and tried to keep from working myself up too much. Remus didn't need any more things to worry about right now, he was already carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. As we walked back up to his room this time, I wracked my brain for ways to comfort him.

"I'm going to go grab something from my room. I'll meet you upstairs," I told him, kissing his cheek before rushing to my Tower.

I hurried inside, solving the riddle faster than usual in my haste to rush up to my room. I raided my bedside table for all the chocolate sweets I had and grabbed the copy _The Lord of the Rings_ I got him for Christmas before heading back to him. With my arms bulging with treats, I waddled up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower.

"Christmas treacle," I announced, ignoring her muttered swear words as a Ravenclaw entered her hallowed space for the hundredth time.

I hurried up to Remus' room and saw him pacing with his hand in his hair. By the look of things, he was pulling on it and frowning. My poor, poor baby.

"I come baring sweets and J.R.R. Tolkien," I announced, making him look over at me with big eyes. "What? I can like muggle literature… I also remember you writing to your mum about it a few weeks ago. I thought you deserved to get your present a little early, lovey."

"I never thought I'd see the day I was the luckiest bastard in the world, but here it is," he announced, rushing over to me and wrapping me up tight. "Who knew twelve-year-old me had such wonderful taste?"

He was being cheesy, but my cheeks were flushing like crazy. Sometimes he was so sweet it was overwhelming, I wasn't used to so much affection. Gideon didn't talk a lot and Sirius turned me down, the other boys who'd held my attention for fleeting seconds couldn't hold a candle to Remus Lupin. Merlin, he was brilliant.

"Let's get comfortable and I'll read to you," I suggested, sliding my hands under the back of his jumper. "And you can eat all my fancy chocolate my aunt sent me from France."

"You spoil me," he gushed, leading the way over to his bed and burrowing into his duvet with a tiny spot left for me.

I shuffled into it with part of my body draped over his when my hand brushed against the gold and red afghan on his headboard. "I meant to ask where this came from. I focused on it during my panic attack the other day, it was really helpful."

"I'll make sure to tell mum," he replied, pulling me impossibly closer and popping a chocolate into his mouth. "She went through a knitting phase a couple years ago. Thankfully, I grew out of all the jumpers she made for me."

"That's so sweet! The only thing my mum makes is a mess," I joked, cracking open the book and making myself comfortable. "Are you ready to listen?"

He nodded and closed his eyes, relaxing back against his pillows as his fingers rubbed over the bare skin of my back softly.

* * *

I held Remus' hand securely in mine as we made our way to the Shrieking Shack together. He grabbed a stick from the ground and used it to poke a knot on the trunk. The limbs went still immediately, making the Whomping Willow look like a normal tree. I'm sure my jaw was hanging slack when he pulled me to a hole in the ground, dropping my hand to slid down it.

"Come on, princess. A little dirt won't hurt," he teased, but his heart wasn't in it. "I'll catch you."

I wanted to argue, but I knew we didn't have time to spare. I slid down the dark opening with my eyes closed, not opening them until I felt Remus' arms securely wrapped around me. When he sat me on my feet, I kissed his temple and let him lead me the rest of the way to the Shack.

He led the way into a bedroom, claw marks were all over the place and it made me wince. He'd hurt himself here, I had no doubt. The thought alone had me on my tiptoes, desperate to kiss him a couple more times before we had to change. I just wanted him to be safe and happy and comfortable, three things I'm sure he never experienced when he was down here.

"It's not going to work, love, but I appreciate the effort," he sighed against my lips, making me go back to standing on my flat feet. "This place has too many bad memories for you to fix, no matter how much I love you."

That made me flash my eyes up to him in surprise. I knew he was in love with me in an objective way, but he'd never said anything about it since we got together. I was pretty sure I wasn't quite in love with him yet, I was just well on my way.

"I think I'm falling in love with you, too," I told him quietly. "I'm not there yet, but I'm on my way."

He seemed pleased with the answer so I turned my attention to changing into my fox. The usual tingle started at the base of my spine and I felt my body shifting shape. The transformation didn't hurt, it was just a weird feeling coursing through me. I'd really lucked out in that aspect.

I ducked into a corner as Remus' body started to shake. I wanted to rush over to him and comfort him, but my animal instinct kept me from doing so. My first thought was survival, even if Remus wasn't a wolf yet, it was minutes away. I could smell the predatory scent in the air and it made me a bit nervous, even if I knew he'd never hurt me.

I watched helplessly as he took off his clothes and the vertebrates in his spine started to realign themselves. He hit his knees on the hardwood and his body started changing shape. The sounds of his bones cracking was almost sickening, but I had to focus. I needed to be here for him and make myself as unthreatening as possible.

Hair sprouted out of his body as he slowly raised his head to look at me. He had a muzzle and was completely a wolf again, making my body flood with adrenaline. I felt the familiar brush of his breath over the back of my neck that I'd exposed to him. When he nudged my head with his, I looked up and knew he didn't think I was a threat to him. He licked the side of my muzzle sloppily and made me huff in dissatisfaction.

We chased each other around the small room before he tossed me onto the bed by the scruff of my neck and followed behind me quickly. He wound his big body around mine, letting me lay in the space between his front and back legs. I licked over the fur by his ears, grooming him happily with little, playful nips to his ears in between affectionate licks.

I made moves to stop and he chuffed, pushing his nose against mine before he started grooming me. I laid my head on his paws and felt my eyes closing in contentment. Even if he reeked of predatory rage, he seemed content to lay with me. I made a note to do some more research once I had opposable thumbs again, it seemed I'd only scratched the surface.

He was still sniffing my fur when I removed myself from his embrace to investigate the room. My sudden movement made a warning growl sound from him and I froze. I'd never imagined him as someone who would try to control me, but he was all alpha male right now. Without thinking, I growled back at him and it sounded pathetically high-pitched compared to his deep baritone.

Even if it was dangerous, I didn't follow his instructions and went back to smelling around. I picked up Sirius' scent first followed by James' and Peter's last. I suppose it was because he was the smallest and Remus' was the most overwhelming because he was the largest and here the most.

I felt eyes on me and slowly turned to see Remus in a defensive position on the ground now. His paws were massive, one of them half the size of my entire body. I tried to bow my head in submission, but he wasn't having it. He knocked me onto my back and clutched my throat between his teeth. He wasn't breaking the skin or hurting me, he was asserting his dominance and showing me how easily he could kill me. It was purely animalistic, I was lesser and needed to learn my place.

Once he sensed my submission, he released me and started licking over my exposed throat as an apology. Things went back to normal, as normal as they could after that anyway. We cuddled back up on the bed together until the first rays of sun broke through the dirty window. I stood up and stretched, yawning as I watched Remus' eyes flash open before he started changing back into a human. He let out a couple tired moans as his bones cracked, but it looked easier to change this way than the latter.

I picked up his pants and trotted over to him, dropping them to the floor before changing back. He was still lying on the bed, not moving, so I helped him get dressed. I'd just pulled his joggers over his hips when he took over, refusing to meet my eye.

I'd just handed him his shirt when he whimpered out, "I'm so sorry!"

That made me stop, moving over to crouch in front of him. "Why? You didn't do anything wrong, love."

"Are you serious?" he shrieked, looking up at me with wet eyes.

"No, I'm Thea," I replied without thinking, then sobered. "Is it how you acted when I ignored you last night? It was an animal instinct, you didn't make the decision, Moony did. I'm not angry at either of you."

He reached out and brushed my hair over my shoulder, rubbing his thumb over a tender spot. "I left bruises, Thea. I hurt you."

I pulled out of his grip and pushed him onto his back on the bed. Then I moved myself up beside him and burrowed into his side, pressing kisses all along the expanse of his throat. I kissed every inch of his face before moving to the other side of neck, concentrating until my fox teeth slid into place. I nipped at his skin until there was a few bruises like he'd left on me.

"There, now we match," I told him, standing up and offering him my hand. "Now, let's get you a potion for your pain and head back to you room. I'll read more of _Lord of the Rings_ to you, lovey."

"You're impossible," he whined, letting me pull him up to the castle grounds and toward the hospital wing. "I'll go get your potion and you head up to bed."

He disagreed and held my hand tight, making me roll my eyes in playful annoyance. Apparently, Madam Pomfrey knew about Remus and fussed over him for a couple minutes when we walked in. She tutted over him in a motherly manor, making him drink a few potions before sending him to sleep.

Once we were back in his bed, I pulled off my jeans and tossed my jumper to the floor along with it. Then I helped him take off his jumper and joggers, the two of us crawling into his bed in just our underwear. I held him close to me, our fronts pressed together as I rubbed his muscles soothingly.

"You are brilliant," he moaned, his eyes closed as I rolled him onto his belly and sat on his butt to get better access to his back.

I kissed the top of his spine and trailed down to his lower back, going back to digging my fingers gently into his flesh. I could feel him relaxing under me, his breathing evening out as he fell asleep in the comfy bed. I wormed my way under his arm and grinned when he turned onto his side unconsciously and pulled me back to his chest. Merlin's beard, I really _was_ falling in love with him.

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 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading!**


	21. Chapter 21

**This is the last chapter! Thank you so much for reading and sticking with it until the end, it really means a lot!**

 **There is sexual content in this chapter, be warned.**

* * *

Remus was a bit reluctant to get intimate with me after his show of dominance on the full moon. After we woke up from our nap, I caught him tracing over the bruises on my neck again. It didn't matter how many times I swore it didn't hurt, he refused to forget about it. He also swore he'd never let me come with him again, and it didn't seem like he was going to budge.

It hurt my feelings so I was crabbier than usual the entire four days before Christmas. I even slept in my own bed away from him, opening my presents alone in my dorm. I left his unopened at the foot of my bed because I was feeling particularly petty and stayed in my room instead of going to breakfast. My curiosity got the better of me and I opened his present to find a book.

 _How to Date a Werewolf: A Guide for those with a Taste for Wild Men_

I snorted at the ridiculousness of his present and opened the cover to find a letter inside. I pulled out the folded paper, something shiny falling into my lap. I picked up a ring with a silver band and a milky blue stone set in the middle. It was beautiful and fit me perfectly when I slid it onto my finger.

 _Thea,_

 _The ring is moonstone. It's supposed to be harness the power of the moon and protect those who wear it from dark forces. I hope you also see the humor in the present. It was beautiful and reminded me of you because I hardly feel the pull of the moon when you're with me._

 _The last full moon was scary, I felt so connected to you I didn't know how to handle it. I did some research about it and found out werewolves are sort of like wolves when it comes to romance. They find one person (wolf) and they can't focus on anyone else, and that makes sense considering there hasn't been a single girl to hold my attention for four years now other than you._

 _It's not nearly as serious as mating for life, I'm a bit more human than that. Moony, as you so playfully coined the wolf, wants everyone to know you're his -you included. That was why I reacted so dominantly when you tried to leave the bed that night. He fed off my own insecurities of you finding someone else who you wanted to be with, the way you said you were falling in love with me when I told you I loved you. I know it isn't fair and it's selfish, I was just a little disappointed. I understand now that you're falling, not uninterested. I just had a head start, ya know?_

 _I wanted to tell you all this in person, but you're not talking to me and I don't blame you. I'm afraid to let you get close, I don't want Moony to take over again. He tends to come out when I'm with you, it seems the both of us adore you. I can't bear to see you with bruises from him ever again, it's too much._

 _With so much love it hurts,_

 _Remus_

I sat in my bed staring at the parchment for what felt like hours. He was so freakin' amazing it hurt, I didn't deserve him. I felt bad for hurting him when I didn't say I loved him back, but I didn't want to lie. I wasn't in love with him yet, but I was so bloody close. Maybe the part of me that was still afraid to be close to him after what happened to me in the greenhouse all those months ago was keeping me from getting there.

With the ring securely on my finger, I made my way to Gryffindor Tower. A kid was coming out so I didn't even have to sneak in and piss off the Fat Lady today. I hurried upstairs to see Remus still sleeping with his pile of unopened presents at the foot of his bed, what a nerd. Who didn't wake up early on Christmas morning? I was still in my nightgown without a bra on for crying out loud.

He was lying on his back so it was easy to crawl over and straddle him. I pressed kisses up his neck to his ear and whispered, "Wake up, silly wolf. It's Christmas."

His hands flew up to my waist as he jolted awake, eyes flashing up to my face. "Thea?"

"You've made a mistake, lovey," I teased, taking his hands in mine and holding them out to the side playfully. "Now that I know how romantic you are, I'm going to be expecting grand gestures every time you mess up."

I watched his expression go from resigned to devastatingly beautiful in a second flat. His hair was messy and his eyes were sleepy, but his smile was blinding. He ran his hands up my back and pulled me down to kiss my lips, making me thump his chest grumpily.

"You forcibly cleansed my mouth before I could kiss you!" I whined, sitting back up on his hips and pointing my wand at his mouth. "Fair is fair, dirty wolf."

"Oh, I think that's a nickname I like," he grinned, pulling me back down for a kiss after I dropped my wand by his hips.

Eventually, we broke apart and he started opening his presents. I leaned back against his headboard with him laying against my chest as he ripped the paper open. He clucked his tongue when he opened a present from his mother, revealing the sequel to the book I read him the night before the full moon.

"Did you owl my mother?" he asked, a twinkle in his eyes. When I nodded sheepishly, he craned his neck up and kissed me awkwardly. "You're something else, Vix."

I rolled my eyes and ran my fingers through his messy hair as he opened the rest of his things. Once everything was opened and stacked neatly by his bed, he turned his attention to me. He started kissing me instead of messing with his things, his lips held more heat than they did previously.

"It seems my last present is still wrapped," he said, kissing my neck as he slid his hand under my nightgown. He rubbed the skin of my inner thigh and told me, "I've been a very good boy, I think I deserve a little more."

"Someone's greedy this morning," I teased, tilting my head back to give him more skin to kiss.

He pulled the gown off me and had me underneath him in seconds, kissing my skin when I gripped him through his pants. The groan that left his mouth was so sexy. This was him uninhibited and I loved it, he never lost control like this unless he was alone with me in his bed. The man prided himself on his control, the control he so easily gave to me when he was human. Him as a wolf was a different story.

"What's so funny?" he asked, releasing my nipple with a wet pop.

"Moony is so dominant, but Remus practically eats from the palm of my hand," I giggled, running my fingers through his fringe and giving it a tug. "Just like that."

"What can I say?" he asked, tugging my knickers off and disappearing between my thighs. "I have a very sexy girlfriend, it's hard to control myself."

My snort was cut short when his lips wrapped around my clit, giving it a firm suck. I knotted my fingers in his hair again and directed him where I wanted. We'd done this a few times since the first and he was unfairly good at it, but I wasn't complaining,

When I felt my belly tightening, he increased the pace of his fingers and helped me through my orgasm. Instead of coming up to kiss me, he kept licking and I whimpered. His eyes flashed up to me, asking if he needed to stop as his tongue paused. I shook my head and he eagerly dove back in, making me cum twice more in quick procession.

"Baby, no more!" I whined after the third one. "I can't do anymore, it hurts."

He stopped immediately and kissed back up my body, his lips landing on mine. Once I'd come back down to Earth, I flipped him onto his back and slipped his pants off. Just like I figured, he was jutting out and dripping at the tip -my favorite.

A sudden urge rushed through me and I knew exactly what I wanted. "Rem, can I try something?"

He sobered quickly and forced me to look up at him. "I don't want you to do that. I'm fine."

"You're throbbing, love," I replied, giving him a squeeze to prove my point. "Plus, all boys want blow jobs. I don't think they've ever turned one down in the history of ever."

He brushed off my attempt at be nonchalant and kept talking. "I'm not saying I don't want one, I'm saying I don't want you to do it."

I stiffened at that and felt rejection coursing through me, releasing him and pulling my hands to my chest. He immediately realized what he'd done and started speaking frantically with my hand gripped tightly in his.

"That's not what I meant, Thea! I don't want anyone else to either," he spluttered. "I just don't want you to do something that makes you uncomfortable."

"Let's make a deal, yeah? I'll start out slow, ease myself into it," I told him, biting my bottom lip nervoulsy when I continued, "I'll stop and it'll be fine. I don't want this to have this strong of a hold over me anymore. You're my boyfriend and I want to suck you off."

My hand had snuck back to playing with his tip, but he slapped it out of the way and gripped the base of his dick tight. "You cannot, and I repeat, cannot say things like that. I will cum on the spot."

I laughed and kissed him, spreading them down his chest to pause on his hipbone. I sucked a mark into it to allow myself a few seconds to gather my courage. His thumb stroked my cheek lovingly and gave me a surge of bravery so I kissed the rest of the way down to the thatch of sandy brown curls at his base.

"I'm okay right now," I told him, giving a checkup because I knew he was curious. "This is fine, you're not them and this is okay. You love me and want me regardless of if I do this."

His eyes were blazing, but he controlled himself enough to answer me. "Yes, princess. I love you no matter what decision you make."

I closed my eyes and took a breath, sticking my tongue out and kitten licking his tip. The taste wasn't great, but this was okay. His hand was still holding my face while the other sat on the bed, no one was forcing me to do this. I was doing this because I was safe and wanted to make him feel good. With that in mind, I parted my lips and took his head into my mouth.

"T, fuck," he breathed. "I'm not going to last long at all, princess."

I sank down a little lower and lifted back up, sucking a bit as I went. He liked that and let out a whimper that sounded like my name so I went a lower. I went down until I gagged a little bit, figuring that was good enough. I stroked the part I couldn't take with my hand, the other resting on his thigh.

"Ease up on the teeth, love," he whispered, eyes watching me. "Wait, that's good. A little bit of teeth is good."

I laughed, but it sounded wet and weird with him still in my mouth. I kept moving up and down, grateful I had a boyfriend who made me feel so safe and eased me into something that scared me. I was lost in my thoughts when he gripped my shoulder in warning. I lifted off just in time for him to cum, splattering his belly with a few strokes from me.

"Come up here," he panted, pulling me up to him and locking his lips with mine. "You are brilliant, fuck. I'm so proud of you."

I slapped his chest and rolled onto my side with my head on his arm. He lazily waved his wand over himself and me, cleaning us up so we could take a nap before lunch.

* * *

James owled Remus a few days before New Year's inviting him and I to the party his parents were throwing. The six of us, the Marauders plus me and Lily, were going to be up in James' room while the adults were downstairs. How he roped Lily into coming was beyond me, but I was impressed.

I got ready in the boys' dorm with Remus kissing on my neck the entire time. It was going to suck going back to sleeping in separate beds. Being by myself those few days when we were fighting was awful, I couldn't even think about spending weeks or months without him. I'd just finished my lipstick when he started nibbling on my earlobe teasingly.

We'd only gotten closer since Christmas, barely spending time apart. I'd gone down on him a couple time since then and got more comfortable with it every time. The two of us made our way down to Hogsmeade to Floo to James' house together. I was wearing my warmest cloak, but the snow still soaked through my shoes and the cold sunk into my bones.

Like he read my mind, Remus pulled me closer to his side. "See? Always so cold, princess."

I stuck my tongue out him but stayed close, taking as much of his heat as possible. We used the Floo in The Three Broomsticks to find James waiting for us with Sirius beside him. I sat beside him on the couch and started spouting off questions after I gave their house elf my coat and thanked her. I didn't miss the way she blushed profusely and scurried away, almost tripping over the leg of the coffee table.

"How did you get Lily Potter to come to your New Year's Eve party?" I asked, silencing Sirius' questions of why Remus was so smiley. When he opened his mouth to ask again, I flashed my eyes over to him and said, "I sucked his dick. Now shut up. Spill it, Potter."

He started talking about his grand scheme and Sirius held up his hand for a high five from Remus. He looked at me for permission and I nodded with a sigh. He slapped it and grinned, male pride pouring off him in waves and making me roll my eyes. James had just finished his story when Lily appeared with Peter coming in soon after her. At least they weren't here for that pathetic display.

We all made our way up to James' room, charmed to be bigger so we'd all fit comfortably. He produced a bottle of champagne and I giggled. Of course, it wouldn't be a Marauder party without contraband alcohol. We drank it out of crystal glasses that cost more than my house, catching up with each other happily as the clock ticked down the new year.

When the countdown reached double digits, I looked over at Remus. He was talking with Peter about something, but his eyes were focused on me. I was about to move closer to him when Sirius started whining about not having anyone to kiss during the countdown.

"You up for the challenge, Hathaway?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows at me. Then he saw Remus watching me and offered, "Kiss us both, babe?"

I glanced over at Lily to see her smiling already at our encounter. The countdown was in single digits when I leaned over and the two of us kissed when the countdown hit one. We pulled away, laughing at the surprised looks on all the boys' faces.

"What? I figured you'd kiss each other," I teased, making Lily laugh and slap my palm with hers this time.

"That was hot!" Peter exclaimed, making James and Remus both glare at him. "What? You don't agree?"

That time they were mysteriously quiet. It wasn't even really a kiss, we just pressed our lips together. Jesus, boys were so easy. Finally, we all went back to normal and drank more champagne, Remus pulling me over to his lap during a lull in our conversations.

"What if I wanted you as my New Years' kiss?" he pouted, the alcohol making his face flush and his filter a little less strict.

"You get to kiss me anytime, not just tonight," I laughed, leaning forward and kissing him happily. "Plus, I saw how jealous you were when Sirius said that and I know you weren't jealous of Lily."

He sighed and kissed me once more but on the forehead this time, rubbing his nose against mine. "You're right, but I want to be the only lips you kiss."

"Done."

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 **I hate that there's no Lacey/Thea friendship in the final chapters, but this just felt like a good place to end it. Everyone's happy and comfortable where they are in life, I didn't want to mess it up.**

 **Thank you, thank you, thank you!**


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